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#1
Dec 28, 2014, 12:35 AM
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I will probably be homeless in the coming weeks. My condition of staying with my folks was to keep going to school, but my grades didn't turn out what I expected so I am most likely losing my financial aid, which gets me to go to school. Honestly, at this point I just want a full time job to support myself, but it's so hard to find a job close to me because it's far away. I'm 20, and I feel like my life is already over. Already in college debt. I feel like I will never amount to anything. The only thing I really do is volunteer for a bike shop on Saturdays. I totally did not expect this to happen, and I'm starting to really, really get depressed. I have zero confidence in myself what so ever. I feel like I'm a useless piece of crap. Hell, I'm even starting to believe I really am a piece of crap.
I am really close to just packing up some stuff and hitting the road, because I let down my entire family.
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Facing the insanity of the crushing world everyday. 
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#2
Dec 28, 2014, 01:33 AM
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I was in the exact same boat at 19. Did well in high school, did well for a couple of semesters at community college and then it fell apart with grades and everything. Of course my parents expected certain grades as a condition of me living there and them paying for part of the schooling. They wanted me to pay them back when I got all D's and F's. I had A's and B's before that. This was 1983 and no way could I pay them back 500 bucks. I found out a couple of buddies were packing up and moving to Oklahoma to work construction and I impulsively last minute packed up and went with them. In my case it was depression and pot and alcohol that were the problem. Mainly depression but that word was never even mentioned and it never once popped into my head. I just figured I had somehow turned into a big loser. I ended up making it as a plumber. I have always regretted not getting the degree I wanted because I truly wanted it for myself. Even since I was a little kid. It was like what the hell happened????
Do you know why your grades have suffered? It is important to analyze that. Is college something you really want for yourself taking your parents expectations out of the equation? It's not something you have to want but maybe you do. It's up to you, it's your life. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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#3
Dec 28, 2014, 02:04 PM
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i dont know what to say, but im thinking of you and i really hope something good comes along.
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