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#1
Mar 27, 2007, 10:01 PM
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I know there will be no definitive answer, but I am, literally, at my last straw.
I just put my 2 weeks notice in today for work as I am moving to live with my lover. I have been planning this for 2 months and have been so happy and looking forward to it. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Then, today, I call my mom. I ask her how she is, she says "fine" and I tell her "don't lie to me". She has been battling cancer off and on for the past 10 years and right now it is really bad. For the first time ever, she said to me "I would be better if you were here taking care of me" OMG, I have no idea what I am supposed to do. My 3 other sisters are not helping, in fact they are druggies, alcoholics or have too many kids. Mom is in another state and I feel really guilty because in a way, I want to be how she was to us, not there. She was always working or with guys or something. My step-dad is going downhill and has a hard time doing anything at all. Have you ever felt like you just don't want to have to make a decision like this because no matter what you do, you are going to hurt SOMEONE?! I am at a total loss. I have my aunt telling me that I HAVE to go take care of my mom because no one else will, but then I have my lover to think of. Will she wait for me? I don't know how long I am going to be gone. Do I just go to my mom's for a week and see how she is? I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open."  Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped. 
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#2
Mar 28, 2007, 08:09 AM
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seems like you are torn you said 'i want to be how she was to us' i'd have a go at rising above that , otherwise you are repeating stuff ,a lot of people have a lot of sadness behind their resentments.caring for your mum sounds like a 24 hour 7 day a week job --no human being can do that without a price to pay,are there services that can help with her care, and what about others in the family? i used to be the one in my family who did all the caring and rescuing --no more.you have needs to , i hope you make a decision that is right for you
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life laughs when i make plans |
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#3
Mar 28, 2007, 08:55 AM
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Onlymedid, It sounds like you are used to tormenting yourself? I mean you know your mother has cancer but seemed to want to press her into "punishing" You? You seem to have to justify why only you can take care of your mother and not the others in the family?
It seems you are about to do something that is positive in your life, move in with someone you care about? but feel guilty for doing it? Its ok to do something for you. Over here we have the macmillon nurses that take good care of cancer patients. I'm sure there is someone that will make sure your mother gets the help she requires? Its ok to move away and live your life. All we can do is the best we can do. I'd make enquires about what help is avaliable for your mother but it doens't have to be all on your shoulders. Good luck! |
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#4
Mar 28, 2007, 09:07 AM
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I love this little tale. It reminds me of familys so much LOL!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE STORY OF THE CRAB BUCKET One time a man was walking along the beach and say another man fishing in the surf with a bait bucket beside him. As he drew closer, he saw that the bait bucket had no lid and had live crabs inside. "Why don't you cover your bait bucket so the crabs won't escape?", he said. "You don't understand.", the man replied, "If there is one crab in the bucket it would surely crawl out very quickly. However, when there are many crabs in the bucket, if one tries to crawl up the side, the others grab hold of it and pull it back down so that it will share the same fate as the rest of them." So it is with people. If one tries to do something different, get better grades, improve herself, escape her environment, or dream big dreams, other people will try to drag her back down to share their fate. Moral of the story: Ignore the crabs. Charge ahead and do what is right for you. It may not be easy and you may not succeed as much as you like, but you will NEVER share the same fate as those never try. We have been enriched by the talents of people who have had less than "perfect" bodies, whether by birth, accident or disease - Helen Keller, F.D. Roosevelt, Stephen Hawking, George Bush, Stevie Wonder, Christopher Reeve, to name just a few. They chose to "climb the crab bucket" instead of listening to others. |
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#5
Mar 28, 2007, 10:54 PM
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Jefftele - You are right, I do need to be a bigger person and change patterns of my parents. I didn't realize that I was truly doing that, so thank you for pointing that out!
As far as homes and such, I don't know that my mom would go for that. She has always has a hate for homes, however I will ask her. Mouse - Yes, I am used to tormenting myself. I never thought of it, but you are so right on. I suppose that is from my past. Not being able to do anything right,not being able to please people, etc. and wanting to be able to make everyone happy. As far as justification, I'm not sure. I am really going to have to think about that. I have never been able to do what "I" want to do. I have ALWAYS been the go-to person who wants to please everyone. I have never had anything as positive as this move to look forward too. I want this more than anything in the world! I realize now that, for once, I need to do something important and positive for ME! Thank you sooooooo much to the both of you for all the suggestions and help!!! I feel as though whatever decision I make will be the best for me. I am worth doing something for myself and not feel selfish about it.
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open." Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
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#6
Mar 28, 2007, 11:06 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
onlymedid said: I am worth doing something for myself and not feel selfish about it. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes you are!!! Yay! It's so awesome that you're coming to this realization. 
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“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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#7
Mar 28, 2007, 11:10 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mouse_ said: Charge ahead and do what is right for you. It may not be easy and you may not succeed as much as you like, but you will NEVER share the same fate as those never try. We have been enriched by the talents of people who have had less than "perfect" bodies, whether by birth, accident or disease - Helen Keller, F.D. Roosevelt, Stephen Hawking, George Bush, Stevie Wonder, Christopher Reeve, to name just a few. They chose to "climb the crab bucket" instead of listening to others. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I love this. Thanks so much -- very inspiring. 
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“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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#8
Mar 28, 2007, 11:12 PM
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 so much for that, Juliana! I suppose just a bit of reassurance from friends and confidence in my choices are all I need.
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open." Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
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