My husband's depression

I am diagnosed bipolar 1 and realize I am not an easy person to deal with, but I have made some huge changes to try to be. My husband was recently diagnosed with depression. He has been on his meds for 3 weeks obviously they have not started working. He is always moody and angry. The slightlest thing I say upsets him. He then starts an argument or shuts down completely. I am here walking on eggshells. Both of us met volunteering. We moved and now I volunteer quite a bit. I am on SSD and it helps me to be around other adults sometimes (I have my 4 year old stepdaughter with me all day), I enjoy it and it give me a sense of self. However, he no longer sees it that way. I thought maybe it was a dumb thought that he would be proud of me and what I am doing. He used to be. But now everytime I open my mouth I say the wrong thing. I wish I never talked. But of course then that would also make him upset. I love him dearly and want to help him. I do understand depression, I have lived with it myself for years. However, this is hurting our marriage. I don't know how to help him. I could use any suggestions or insight. I know patience is one of them. But I feel like I have to be sorry for anything. He acts like he is never to blame. I am going to try to keep my "volunteering" life away from him and not talk about it to start. I am on SSD so this is kind of like my work besides the house and kids. My life is scaring me and I am getting depressed over this. I try always to put him first. But it is not reciprocol. He acts like he puts me first but that isn't true. For example, I couldn't sleep so I got up to make his lunch. I found I was low on milk for the kids, so I tried to wake him up to go to the store he wouldn't answer so I figure I would leave him sleep. I am a grown woman and can get to the store myself. Of course, it was closed the next one being 10 miles away, I came home all this took about 15 minutes. When I got home all the lights were off and the door was locked. He thinks I am sneaking around or something. He claims he is a very secure person, but this to me seems very insecure. He and the children are my entire life. I am raising both of my stepchildren plus two of my own and trying to make us a family. But everything will be fine for about 5 minutes then just go down the tubes. I suggested marriage counseling before and he refused. I feel afraid to tell him anything anymore. I know patience is key. I am going to try to keep my "volunteering life" quiet and just not talk about it. But I have thought about quiting it all if that would just make him happy, but then of course, I would be unhappy. I would sacrifice anything for him but I don't believe he sees it that way. I post on bipolar forum about myself but now I need some advice from someone to help him and me. We want to have a baby but how can I with all this going on? I am getting older and now is the time but a baby won't fix either of us. I kind of thought it was his priority. But how can it be if we end up arguing? I am not the kind of person that gets angry when depressed, so that is what I am having so much trouble with. Anyone with anger/depression problems, can you help? Please give me some advice on how to avoid these problems. I want him happy more than anything. I thought he was my best friend but it really doesn't seem that way to me anymore. I feel like the arch enemy. Thanks for any help.

Kmarie

I am so sorry that things are so rough for you. BUT you can't MAKE him happy..........give me a little more time (10 days, maybe) for the meds to kick in and see if anything changes. in the meantime, all you can do is care for yourself and the stepdaughter. continue doing what makes you feel better and keep us updated.........xoxoxo pat

I am praying the next 10 days go buy asap. I will try to stay out of his way, because it's the little things that he just gets so mad about. Me being out of his way and being quiet probably will make him happy. Don't know anymore. I actually had a glimpse of the way he used to be for about 2 hours and then poof! gone.

Kmarie

aarrgghh Good luck and keep posting!

Sorry no help