[sujunew]

I am obviously not doing too well at all- at the moment anger is taking a hold of me
I feel so sorry for my kids
I do not mean to take it all out on them
But they are the ones who are there right in front of me
Everything they do seems to infuriate me
I am doing what I did in my last bad cycle- distnacing myself from them; hiding on the computer; sending them off to play
In a few minutes I have promised them a walk round the block
But it's not enuf
They need all the love and attention they deserve
But i am struggling sooo much
Their loser father never saw them last sunday and isn't seeing them this sunday (today)
I have only had 3 weekends off since Christmas, and as 1 of those was when i was in hospital it doesn't really count
I know things are going to get worse before they get better
I have even warned my boss of that
But what about the girls
I really hope that by writing this and getting it out it may ease things a bit
For their sake as much as for mine
I'm not being too horrible with them
Just telling them off for anything and everything
And not giving them the attention they need
It's all so much of an effort tho
But the timers just gone off- i set it so they would know when i was taking then out
Yesterday morning was good- we baked all morning
The afternoon was terrible- I got them picked up so I could have some time out- I should have been spending time with them myself
Ahhh, feeling calmer now
Ready for some fresh air and a walk
I'M SO SORRY KIDS

[drunksunflower]

Oh honey ... I hope you feel better xx

i'm sorry that you're having such a tough time right now. i remember those days. it's hard being the only parent that's around. hang in there and they will remember these good "walks" and such...........xoxoxox pat

[sujunew]

thanks so much t and pat . I'm feeling a whole lot better now. Never made it f or our walk (crappy old southland weather!!!) but did stay outside for nearly 3 hours learning all about how bicycles work lol. Changing wheels from 1 bike 2 another is nothing but frustrating for a novice but let me vent my frustrations and the outcome was 1 proud mum and a very happy 7yr old!! And then we came inside and just played round- piggyback rides etc so now they have had some real quality time with me- and no2 is so tired she is asleep here on my lap .
Again, thanks,
irish

[drunksunflower]

I am glad babe

Remember our plans for a night out sometime! You so deserve it ...

[bipolar_bear]

Sounds like a wonderful time. I remember learning how to work on bikes. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And piggy back rides! Sounds like a great afternoon for everyone. And there is nothing better than being held by mom while sleeping. I am glad that you spent the time with them.

[Fuzzybear]

[(JD)]

Oh your 7 year old is believing you can do anything ! And maybe you can! Keep trying... have a good week,ok?

[sujunew]

(((((bipolar bear, dsf, fuzzy, sky)))))
thanks for your posts
haven't been nearly as angry today (tk goodness), and am nearing tea time so am nearing the end of the day
Taking the girls out tomorrow for a drive and a picnic lunch so will have some more great quality time with them. School hols here f or the next 2 weeks, and have organised something small for every day (except when I have been asked to work) so it will give us all focus and fun.
Again, thanks so much
irish