My ears

I have a very strong aversion to my ears being touched ... particularly if someone pulls on them or pulls them forward. I become angry and anxious immediately.

My husand would sometimes tease me but has realised it distresses and has since stopped.

I am very careful with the way that I sleep so that my ears aren't in any way "pressed" in the wrong direction when I sleep. (Sorry, didn't know how to explain that.)

Anyway, a few days ago, I was sitting and thinking about why this would be - I mean, it is a very strange aversion to have. And there it was - vividly remembered, something I must have been blocking ...........

I attended a pre-school / day care when I was about 3 to 4 years old. The day care teacher / care giver was a witch. I vividly remember her calling me up to some sort of stage, in front of all the other kids. She pulled me onto her lap, took out a pocket knife, pulled my ear forward and proceeded to "cut" my ear off because I wasn't listening. I remember screaming. I remember the other kids screaming.

Well, I guess that is the reason I can't bear my ears being touched today.

Along with these memories, some bare-bottom spanking memories of not only me but all the other kids too have rushed to the surface. She would pull our pants down in front of everyone, even when we were laying down to sleep. I remember lying perfectly still and having my pants yanked down and spanked. Not that that has anything to do with my ears, but it was the same care giver!

After all these years........... I was so little, I am surprised I even remember.

Thanks for letting me share.

What horrible things to have to remember, Sabrina! It's all there, the age thing doesn't have much to do with it; your body (ears) remember for you. Maybe now some of the worries about your ears will go away. I always amazes me how "little" things come back like that, kind of sudden and unexpected. I had a book I remember being read when I was 2 only I remembered a "sea monster" at the end and it turns out it was a pleasant looking, smiling whale! My therapist and I worked on that and figured out why I had needed to turn it into a monster at that time in my life, I remembered some things and we had some other facts about that time we were able to put together.

Thank you for understanding Perna!

((((((((sabrina)))))

my gosh I am so sorry this happened to you, she will have had her comeuppance by now....you poor baby, holding little sabrina
and giving her big cuddles....love you hon, Jin xxxxxxx

Thank you Jinny. Yes, I maintain what "goes around comes around". She may not even be alive now ........... but I doubt she was ever really happy!

Sabrina, I'm so sorry.

So I am confused about what she did to your ear on that stage. Did she physically cut you?

I mean, it doesn't matter since it was clearly traumatic but I just got lost there.

Cyran0

Hi Cyran.

No she didn't actually physically cut me and I don't know if she ever intended to either. She just got off on the power and skewed authority she thought she was exercising by threatening me. At 3 years of age, I wasn't able to fully comprehend that she was actually just trying to scare me into submission. She will never know if she did for I remember being taken out of the school shortly thereafter.

I am glad to say that I am not traumatized by it now, however I am glad that I have finally remembered (or realized) why I absolutely hate my ears being touched.

I am also so amazed at how the memories flooded back.

That sure had to be traumatic for anyone to go through. At that age you BELIEVE what adults told you. You were probably scared for you life. She was more than a witch if you ask me. I am so sorry you had to edure that. My T often says when memories flood back, it is like throwing up, it hurts more coming up than goingdown.

Yes, it was a bit like throwing up. An interesting analogy!

Thank you for your thoughts happfyflowergirl

Well I wished I didn't say that now, lol, because last night I got a flu bug and did just that.

lol - sorry to hear that - hope you're feeling a bit better now!

Yeah, thanks, I am better. I just thought it was funny I wrote that and then later... Makes you think you body knows something before your brain.
BUt speaking of that your body does remember things especially at a young age when you can't mentally comprehend what is happening or have mentally blocked out the abuse. A lot of times some people who have had an abusive past, will become triggered when they get a massage or are touched in a certain way. So your body remembers things, so that makes sense in what you are saying about your ears. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad your husband is being more sensitive about it. Take care of youself okay?