[SunGdss]

i'm not sure i'm really numb, i'm just feeling so much i'm just choosing not to deal with it right now. so much of my life was based on hiding something, trying to protect myself and those i care about, and now people expect me to open up myself and trust and i don't know how to trust. i can fake it very well, i can fake every thing well. i'd be a spectacular actor if i could only get rid of my stage fright. why is it so necessary to open up, why can't i just kept everything inside me till i implode, isn't it my right to implode. i shouldn't have told her i tried to kill myself, now she wants me to tell my parents, it was months ago and i'm no longer suicidal, why should it matter. i supposed to be fine, to not need anyone that's what i agreed to with myself. complete autonomy that's that goal. i don't want to be that person that everyone looks down on, shakes their head and says, "oh she had so much potential, and now she's just a zombie." so i'll just keep faking it and if i break down again i'll keep faking it till i end up on a metal gurney.

<font color=purple>A positive attitude will not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort</font color=purple>

[nowheretorun]

Hey SunGdss

Not sure what I really wanted to say but just wanted to acknowledge you and say I've had similar experiences of not feeling anything. It really alarmed me, but wierd, even the alarm I felt was numbed....

Looking back, I think it amounted to an extended period of shock, maybe something similar to PTSD, when so much comes in and the mind simply cannot process it all and shut down is the only sane response...

Just wanted you to know someone out here was listening and cares... if you want to add more, I know you'll recieve understanding and compassion.

It's easier said than done, but try not to shut yourself off... lonliness will drive anyone crazy...

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[SunGdss]

I am annoyed with my step-mother and I feel she is unfairly interfering in my life. I wish now more than ever I had never told her anything. She just told me again that she felt it is necessary to tell my parent about my aborted suicide attempt. I already told them about my first attempt, and I don't believe that even was a serious attempt that ws quite assuredly a cry for help, I wouldn't have done it in the middle of a school if I hadn't intended to get caught. If I was actively planning to try again I could understand or even if I was seriously depressed, but I'm not in either case. I just feel she's unjustly interfering in my life.

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[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hi sungass

If you really feel like your step-mother is interfering, and in a postive way you should talk with her.

Have you tried therapy for your thoughr is suicide, depression etc?

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SunGdss]

I did talk to my step-mother and told her I felt it was a violation of my trust to go to my parents. The aborted attempt was in late november I'm not in that state of mind anywhere. I have been in therapy though not for depression/suicide related circumstances although I was silently suicidal part of the time. My mom, my step-mother did tell my parents, want's me to promise to call her if I feel suicidal again and I can't make that promise, not when there is a resonable possibility I'll choose to break it. I can understand intervention when I am at serious risk to myself but I find myself angry when I'm not allowed some freedom of thought before hand. If I even try again I certainly will not confide in my step-mother.

<font color=purple></font color=purple>

[Fuzzybear]

I just want to send some hugs, if ok .....

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I'm also sending you hugs hon, hand in there.



<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SunGdss]

Thanks for the hugs everyone

<font color=purple></font color=purple>

[(JD)]

I never fully trusted my MIL and often am thankful I didn't... she knew toomuch anyway and always told... I distrust her still after 11 years of divorce. She never changed. I did.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>