In a fog

I am in a fog I am on the site often I post occasionally and I communicated with some quite often privately. Here is the thing right now I am falling with no safety nets as it were. I am scared, tired, and sad of yet another thing I must process in my brain. I have used a lot of things in my toolkit as of late and nothing seems to be helping. My therapist needs to go out of town for awhile not sure of return time. This morning in a email she stated " I need you to stay strong for me. Dig into your toolkit you can do this." Honestly not sure I can do this anymore it took me over two hours to get out of bed this morning I felt paralyzed basically. I really do want to quit but know I can't. Interesting thought in my brain today: Does it take courage to be a coward or am I coward because I have no courage? I am just so confused right now...

I know that fog.

I guess the only positive I can offer you is the realization that you have experienced..... the fog can be really dark, and it can lift very quickly and leave you with a bright day.

I hope the sun bursts through for you soon!

This confusion you're experiencing is a result to overthinking, as is depression. You overthink a certain problem, it depresses you. You are sitting limits to yourself, and that's what got you into this stage, I believe. If everybody can dig into their toolkit, then tell me exactly why are you an exception? Is it because you fail every time you try? Is it because you QUIT trying? If you fail, then try again, because a lot of successful people were failing miserably until they got it right. It took Einstein years upon years to perfect the theory of relativity, because of one reason, he wanted to do it. Don't tell me "But hey, this is Einstein!", well, Einstein was a human, so are you. If you didn't try, then the 1000 miles road, begins with a step, be brave enough to take it, because you are brave, but you don't know that because your mind is occupied with whatever negativity you stashed in it. Stash positive thoughts, and you'll get a positive life, simple as that.

Sorry if this was a bit harsh, but call it tough love.

Just so you know it is not harsh but I do want to clear one thing up. I have been digging into my toolkit but seems like everything I try is not working no effect on me in a positive way about the only thing it is doing is distracting me for a bit. I guess that is good. Thanks for your feedback both of you.

Hi Bonnie, well great support from some great members up there!!!
So I'll just say that maybe you need to accept that this is possibly going to feel real hard right now........I mean your T is going away, you're not sure of her return time.......you've had that to think about and now it's going to be happening.......you're going to be lacking the reassurance of knowing she's there IF..........
So if you're finding it hard........that's understandable, if you're feeling "weak" that's understandable.........it doesn't however mean that you're failing, not at all, it just means that you're having to cope with just a little more, things might take a little longer to help you, you might have to keep trying different/more things to help, things might not be quite as effective as they were before. And that doesn't need to mean that things can't gradually get better.
And you know what, while your T's gone, as you're gradually getting used to/overcoming that......we can be your safety net (or one of them!!) if you want
AND Bonnie (!!!), I think I know you well enough to say that you ARE NOT a coward in any shape or form, OK????!!!!! So that confusion.........cleared up, right???!!!
And just........keep on talking when you need to
Alison

No one can be brave unless they feel fear. (Or whatever it is thats difficut just now) you are courageous posting here and you're still here. Thats strength! We care that you get through.

What might you ADD to the toolkit? Also, don't give up if something that usually works fails.....try something else and then try it again----
(this is a weird analogy but when I used to work on my own cars I would phone the mechanic in a panic when I thought I had failed/screwed up; and he would ask me to describe what I had done and, generally said "You did the right things, but you missed something, so do what I do, go back out, and do it over again..."---he was right.)
Can you give a list of some of your tools? Maybe we can come up with suggestions....
(((((((((((((hug)))))))))))(((((((((((((hang in there))))))))))))))
You are courageous to acknowledge fear....

Really positive thinking is all life needs?? If I just thought positively, I would never be depressed? My god, I think I'm cured already. I think he/she is too. Great job buddy.

If you're reading this Smuggles, well done, you made it this far, you can carry on a bit longer. Be kind to yourself brave one!

OOoooooo Gaaaaaaa Ooooooo Gaaaaa

There is a lighthouse in your world. We are here for you.