going nowhere

I don't see a reason for keeping on living any further. 2yrs ago, my to-be-wife left me for religious reasons. I don't know why I can't get a normal grade on any of my final exams at university. I always get grades in the high 80s during all courses, but then for some reason I get in the mid 40's on my finals. My mother just isn't here for me since she started living with her new bf. I live by myself in this big house. I go to work and people think I am an outcast or something just because I am worried not to bother anyone. Then they realize I am not, but first impression is always weird. Got involved in an accident recently that hurt my neck and totalled my car. Ever since, it's been a struggle for me with insurance to get them to even do anything. First they tried saying I was at fault, then they figured I was not. So they offered me money, but there is just something else that needs to be done and I am stuck with a broken car. I will probably hae to quit school with my final exam grades. And I am going through this and other **** all by myself in the big empty house. I see no future for myself. Just stuck in an infinite ****-loop with no exit condition. I am respected by my friends and they ask for my help all the time, but I can't get to share any of this with anyone of them as I feel like it would seem to them completely incompatible with my personality that they have seen. Everyone has some expectation of me - big or small - but noone asks how I feel or what it costs me. I am tired of living like this. My energy is gone and I just want to be gone forever and put an end to it all.

Hi abc, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. And that you were in an accident where your insurance hasn't been as helpful as they should be.

You say your mother is no longer there for you... Have you tried to reach out to her? Does she understand how you are feeling? If you haven't maybe you could try to talk to her and let her know how much you need her support right now?

The friends you have... If you've been there for them, help them, why not try to talk to just one of them? Maybe they will surprise you and be completely understanding. You could try opening up just a little and see how receptive they are?

Do you currently have a doctor or therapist? Are you treated for anything? And if you don't, could you try to see a counsellor or someone that is there to listen and not judge you? If nothing else, the people on these forums are great listeners and supporters. If you can't reach out in real life, you have already made a great first step here online!

Hello there dude,

What i see is life as it is supposed to happen, of course there seems to be quite a lot happening around you. Somewhat like a spider web with you being the spider. Too many flies have got caught in this web, some big flies and some small. The big flies have managed to break parts of your web, being that they are too big and the small ones, well they just exist around. Now the problem i see here is that, you (the spider) seems to me a very caring individual who is concerned about all of the flies, but have not noticed that the web is slowly breaking apart around you.

So what I'm trying to get at here is that, without a web you will not have any flies at all in the first place. And if let the web break apart you will fall to the ground and will have to reconstruct the web all over again. Because spiders like humans are survivors.

Therefore, what you need to do my friend, is you need to concentrate on rebuilding that web and let the flies be there of let them fall to the ground or rot away. Because the flies do not matter as long as the web falls apart. Only with a complete web will flies come.

I hope you understood the jist of what I'm saying. If not, regard the flies as jobs, people, relationships and what not around you, and the web as your world. So you might have to let of off certain things and try to re-analyze and prioritise stuff. Its the universe way of saying (or sam cook) 'a change is gonna come'.

Either accept it or run away. The choice is hard but its totally yours as a human.

Also don't take on other people burdens just so long as you have solved yours.

Dear 123abc,

To get better, it helps to understand exactly why you feel that way. I think I understand these things now. See if the notes attached to this post make sense to you:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4369910-post130.html

My best overall advice is here

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

There are great things to try for depression, many of which are great for your health anyway.

I hope you feel better soon. Keep in touch.

- vital