Just forget it

I think there are people who are just happy. Born that way naturally. Good spirited, good natured. They might not always be 'happy' but they are definitely not depressed, or down, or blah on an every day basis. They may deal with different emotions, like grief when someone passes away. They might even have situational depression, but it's something they can get past.

Then there's me. And maybe people like me. Whether it's a 'chemical' imbalance, or things that have occurred in my past, I am depressed. I have always been depressed. And regardless of treatment, I have come to understand that I will always be depressed.

I can have good days and bad ones. I can cope. I can be numb. There can be times where I feel happy. But it always comes back to depression. I know life isn't fair. Why do some people have healthy bodies and some are disfigured? Why do non-smokers get lung cancer? Life isn't fair and who ever said it should be.

I think I am just annoyed with life right now. I long to 'be happy'. I'm exhausted of being exhausted and in pain. But I still keep on going. Hoping to find that 'high' of happy one day. There are things and people in my life that I truly love and enjoy. I just wish my internal self could just 'be', without so much effort and strength to continue. To not have to work so hard to just feel better than miserable.

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Zayabean. Sorry you are having challenges with how you feel. I know no quick cure but hear from others a therapist or psych doc can help.

If you want to try lifestyle changes, I can talk about what I am going through as possible changes. For first aid, dealing with an emotional or mental fit, one thing I try is a breathing exercise to focus on breath instead of fighting with the thoughts.

Breathing exercise with natural breathing do not force.
If you are feeling very anxious or angry or just want to calm down, you can try a breathing exercise that takes the attention away from the trigger of anxiety to a simple tool of counting breaths.

Find a comfortable position seated or laying down. Begin to relax your breathing. Silently count 1 on the inhale, and two on the exhale. Then silently count 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 or until you lose the count then return to one. No judgement. I sometimes end up at 18 then smile and return to 1. The idea is to focus on the breath and the counting and not get sucked into the anxiety or anger trigger. Also works to quiet the mind.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. For me protein is essential to mood stability. A high protein some naturally raise chicken or fish (mostly soy, yogurt, scrambled eggs (no flipping - i cut out some or all of yolk) low carb diet with snacks (roasted cashews, sauteed tofu) or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central. These could raise your energy level but that may not be the problem. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Hi welcome. I have similar issues with life long depression so I feel for you. Healthy eating and savouring the better moments including deliberately remembering them as depression will try to suppress the good memories are probably things you are practised at but they can help make life more bearable. I know thats not what you want. Sorry I'm not more positive for you, but reality feels harsh. Remember there are people here who really do care.

I have these thoughts too sometimes Zayabean

So I just wanted to say please hang in there and I hope that you feel okay soon.

I found this blog for you here on Psych Central.

I hope it may be of some use for you.

Lifestyle Tips for Dealing with Depression | Psych Central

Take care.

Yes, I share those feelings. It is very hard to know what to do. I used to think that what I was feeling was me. Now, I know it's a chemical storm raging within my mind, by body and my soul. I haven't gotten to the point where that knowledge has changed anything though. The wind is still the wind, the rain is still the rain, the storm is still the storm. It rages on. I guess we just try to hold on.

My heart is with you and I hope you feel better. I think CANC's breathing exercises are a good idea. Good luck.

Thanks everyone. Like I said, I do have good days. I've been doing pretty well for quite a while now. It just feels so unfair that we have to work so hard in order to keep ourselves afloat. And even then, with the work we do, so many of us fall regardless. I'm in a good place right now. Just hoping it continues!

I'm like you Z. Sometimes I don't even think I want help. I want to lay in bed til I stop breathing. Most days just opening my eyes is too much work. I hate mornings the most. Love eves because I know bedtime is coming where I don't have to think anymore. I still feel like a sad 10 yr. old. I need to grow up.

This exact thing has been on my mind lately. I look around at others and it seems effortless that they're perfectly fine, not struggling to keep anxiety or depressing thoughts from overwhelming them any given moment of the day. It's like after all this time- all these years in treatment- it's no easier for me. And I have to know by now this is how it may always be. That's just really hard to take sometimes.

Hi Zayabean,

Don't forget to check for all the medical or nutritional things that might be holding you back if you haven't already. If you've got, say, omega 3 deficiency or vitamin D or Folic acid deficiency or hypothyroidism or a gut infection or heavy metal toxicity or gluten allergy, all of these things can negatively affect your mental state. Although all are common, not all MDs will check for them unless you ask.

- vital

I have these feelings almost everyday now for most of the day. you're not in this alone.