[mrmag]

I don't know what is and isn't a trigger in this so the whole thing is going to be put in a trigger box, so if you are triggered by a variety of different things don't read this.

Possible trigger:

When I was younger i was driven into a deep depression due to a variety of reasons from being shunned from society to the abuse my father put me through I was wishing i never existed and was constantly wishing that something would kill me. i left my father after putting up with the things he put me through after 4 years since it started, and things started to get better and I even stopped self harming. let's jump forward 1 and a half years to about 2 months ago. i started to get back memories of when my father abused me and the rest of my life also started falling down around me, I got blamed for stealing from my mothers debit card multiple times each time i was innocent and i asked her to check both where and the exact time the cash was taken out and she refused to do so, and i'm still in the middle of my punishment for it, multiple of my cherished possessions disappeared or broke, i'm getting shunned from society again, and the friends I still have seem to not care in the slightest. About 2 weeks ago I started self harming yet again, and almost every second of every day i'm contemplating on just giving up, and ending it. I mean all the people who I care for and those around me don't even give a dam about me anymore, so whats the point?

Thank you for reading I know it was long and sorry about that and i just don't know what to do any more I can not cope with everything by myself anymore I have never felt this empty before I don't feel angry or sad about any of this just, empty. I don't know what i was looking for by typing this out, I don't even know if i should be posting it or if anyone will care, yet I still wrought it and posted it so i guess im looking for something. again thanks for reading.

[wa(o)rrior]

Dear friend

childhood trauma is so horrible in the fact that you can't protect yourself. it leaves an imprint in your deep mind and can surface anytime when things aren't going your way. it's a vicious circle where one thing leads to another, but overall all things makes you feel miserable.

we people who are depressed undergo so much suffering and at some point its going to show up on our face and activities no matter how long you try to hide it from others. other people are afraid that our feelings will drag them down and so they ignore us. it s understandable because they have their own problems and don't want to get pulled down. some people don't know or understand how to help and avoid us so as not to hurt us unintentionally.

so stop expecting from people. just accept the fact that life is difficult. see how you can alleviate your suffering. one thing is by helping others. there are so many homeless, sick, dying. see if you can spend time with them, consoling them and comforting them.

take a walk and enjoy the breeze and see the trees, flowers. connect with nature. it will heal you. just let go and relax.

[Rohag]

I get the impression your family has made you into their "identified/designated patient," the person they all agree is the "problem" so they can ignore their own dysfunctions.

Have you ever been screened for "Complex PTSD?"

[Idiot17]

((((Mrmag))))
Family scapegoat and getting all the crap from them.....ssounds very familar....hope you can overpower their abuse to you. G'luck.

[Fuzzybear]

[vital]

Originally Posted by mrmag

... i just don't know what to do any more I can not cope with everything by myself anymore I have never felt this empty before I don't feel angry or sad about any of this just, empty. I don't know what i was looking for by typing this out, I don't even know if i should be posting it or if anyone will care, yet I still wrought it and posted it so i guess im looking for something. again thanks for reading.

Hi mrmag,

Part of the hopeless feeling you get when you're depressed is not understanding what's going on or why it's really happening. Have a look at this

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

I think that understanding what's really going on in your own head really helps a lot. Here's my general overall advice:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[Fizzyo]

Hi sounds like the recent injustice is bringing everything back. Sorry things are so hard for you just now. Most people here know what it is like

Possible trigger:

to feel like life is not worth living, or they want to end it and how much pain that represents

and, like me want to help you get through this. You are as valuable as anyone else and worth any effort anyone makes on this site or in 'real' life. Do you have any access to a counsellor at work or school (sorry I don't know your age) if so, it may help to use it,or help lines (like the British Samaritans) do call them if you're finding it hard to stay safe. You're worth it and they will agree that you deserve their support. Compassionate thoughts and warm wishes