[Lillibell7]

Hi, everyone.

I'm Des, a 17 year old girl who's dealing with depression (both year long and seasonal) and anxiety (mostly social, but pretty general too).

I'd hate to start this off saying negative things, because that isn't really who I am. I love art, I have a lot of dreams, I love the outdoors, and I always try my hardest when it comes to really... anything!

The thing is, lately I've been having a lot of issues with my depression in particular. I take medication that works wonders, and I also see a therapist. I've had this system for about 2 years now, and I'm not kidding, it saved my life at the beginning of high school.

If the medicine works and I'm getting plenty of one-on-one help, then I shouldn't have a reason to still have serious issues like skipping significant amounts of school, right...? That's what I thought, too. But lately, skipping has become more and more of an issue for me.

I have a very accepting father who loves me very much and does his best to understand my situation, even if it's confusing. I have a pretty great life, honestly!! But for some reason, I keep having constant thoughts of how going to school is pointless. I know this is a depression thing, so I try to ignore it and go anyway, but lately it's been getting harder.

Having my father call me in sick, simply staying home in bed all day, and feeling like I'm not even there when I DO go to school is what I've been dealing with a lot.

Even the classes I love seem like torture and I just watch the clock instead of really doing my work. I don't hate school. I don't hate my classes (except maybe precalc). I don't hate my teachers. I don't really hate anything! So I don't know what the issue is!!

I was like this at the end of last year as well, blaming it directly on the fact that my depression always gets much worse during winter months. But this has never happened to me before. It's lovely outside and nothing is too awful to not handle, but I just cannot seem to stop myself from staying in bed all day at the least once every few weeks.

I can tell I've been aggravating my supporters and I've been worrying friends and teachers, but I am at a loss of what to do. In past cases of similar things, I really didn't care enough to even worry, but this time I am completely active in worrying about every single thing that will come out of this.

I know I'll be able to pull through, but I'm mostly worrying about my family in particular, especially my father. I hate to worry people, and if I disappoint someone, I'm not sure if I could handle it. If it's my own father? I can't see myself doing anything but sobbing and staying in bed all day, despite being sad about doing that exact thing.

My brother thinks I'm being lazy, my sister would yell at me if she knew about this all, and I'm sure that even my therapist would be disappointed.

I've read forums, blog posts, ask-websites, EVERYTHING trying to find out what to do. But they always say the same thing. "Just doing it was what helped". I HAVE been just doing it. It isn't working at all! I just feel like I would've been better off staying home when I do that!

I don't know what to do. I want to tell someone and ask for help, but I am so scared. The only person I openly talk to is my therapist, and I have to wait until next week to see her. I know it doesn't seem long reading it, but I can barely make it through a morning without thinking that time has stopped.

I have never been this depressed before without giving into apathy. I've been fighting to not reach that point, but I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it. I'm still acting the same, but I just feel worse.

I want to do so many things, but I end up just staying in place, freaking out over how I'm wasting my time.

I don't know what to do. My depression is like a different person dragging me along, instead of an actual part of me like it used to be. It should be progress, but it just feels like a hopeless middle point that is almost more painful than where I started.

I'd like more help than people telling me to keep going, despite how much I appreciate the sentiment. I am almost an adult woman. I have hopes and dreams. I see a future for myself. But it's all being held back by my depression.

It's really rare for me to come out and ask for help because I'm so shy, but I can't think of anything. Please, if you can think of anything, give me some advice?

Thank you for reading.

[wa(o)rrior]

Hi Friend

first you need to understand the nature of depression. it makes you tired and lethargic. people mistake lethargy to laziness but its totally different. ok so remember you are not lazy . now you are on medication and it feels great but remember anti-depressants can wear-off so that means its dosage might need to be increased or a different medicine needs to be prescribed. call your therapist immediately about this so you don't have to wait until next week. next you feel confused and have lost interest in your studies. this is a very natural symptom of depression, i.e. lose interest in what used to be a pleasurable activity. so don't blame yourself if you can't study and enjoy your classes. you have mentioned your father is very understanding and loves you. that itself is a privilege as you can see many peoples don't get that from their parents. so count it as a blessing. explain to him and ask him to do a little research on his own about depression so that he can understand it better and assist you.

i know you want to get out of this feeling, but everytime you'll get more aggravated because you can't make it go away and it worsens the situation. you will condition the mind, you are failing at every attempt to make it go away. so i want you to accept that you are sick and that you require healing. denial makes things worse. when you accept you are sick you can blame all things like lethargy, losing interest in studies, feeling confused on depression. this quiets the inner turmoil as you don't blame yourself. this enables your healing process to go unhindered. everytime you blame and worry yourself, you flood yourself with toxins which will hinder your healing process.

okay now i want you to distract yourself. watch more comedy and laugh( i make it a point to watch " Just for Laugh gags" daily). if you have a pet spend time with it, they can shower you with unconditional love. try deep breathing for 3 minutes. start slow but make it regular.

[i dont matter]

First of all WELCOME to you.

And I have to say - that I am very impressed on how well you were able to express your issues/concerns. It seems like you are pretty highly functional, despite your depression. My initial reaction is that you are being very hard on yourself (uber critical).....

The way I see it; you have figured yourself out - that there are days that your mind simply is not willing to join the rest of the world. I think that is a GOOD thing. I think it shows strength to recognize your weaknesses and deal with them. There is no "harm" with staying in bed somedays. Is it what society calls ideal? No. But who cares what *the normals* of the world think.

I think you are overflowing with awesomeness and you just need to see it....

Good luck!

[lostfeeling25]

I just wanted to say, I admire you for seeking help and being able to talk about your issues at a "young" age. It is very hard to do that. I'm in my 30s and I feel not admitting my struggles earlier has lead me to the unfortunate place I am in now. I have found these forums to be helpful in that everyone is so welcoming and makes me feel less alone. Sorry I can't offer any advice, but I am here for you, and feel many of your same emotions

[vital]

Originally Posted by Lillibell7

I'd like more help than people telling me to keep going, despite how much I appreciate the sentiment. I am almost an adult woman. I have hopes and dreams. I see a future for myself. But it's all being held back by my depression.

It's really rare for me to come out and ask for help because I'm so shy, but I can't think of anything. Please, if you can think of anything, give me some advice?

Thank you for reading.

Hi Lillibell,

I have just the thing for you. Have a look at this

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital