[TheOriginalMe]

Last year I was despairing, all the meds I tried were causing side effects that I just couldn't handle. Then I got to try a new med, different to other anti-depressants and although it isn't wonderful it helps a little, especially if my mood allows me to be a bit more energetic and self-caring. It seems to be a building block rather than a cure. The most important thing about this med is that it has realtively few side-effects for me.

Most of last year I stuggled to get a pdoc appointment, but after a long, hard wait I did get taken on by the Community Mental Health Team. At first the pdoc seemed nice and sympathetic, she understood my concerns about meds and gave me some options. Neither of us were keen to pursue them so I agreed to try some therapy.

Just before Christmas I got some bad news about my job and was told I would be laid off in April. That really knocked me for six and started to undo the limited success of my medication.

Then the therapy (which is a strictly time limited offering) really laid bare some issues of childhood trauma and neglect. Now that therapy is coming to an end and all the issues that have fallen out of therapy remain unresolved and it never even touched on improving the skills I need to manage my depression.

I've been back to the pdoc hoping for a change to my meds as my mood is worse than ever, I can't eat or drink much, my sleep is poor, I can't concentrate, I don't care about my appearance and I don't bother about hygeine too much. I si and I'm suicidal too. My pdoc won't consider changing my meds because she has to follow "the rules", this means NHS guidelines.

In the meanwhile, my employer decided not to lay me off but to use my mental illness as the way to get rid off me instead as it is a cheaper option for them. This means that for four months they will try to find me a new role, but if they can't find another job then they can sack me without notice and without a payout.

I am now so depressed that I can't work, but if I have time off then I'll scupper any chance of my employer finding a new job for me. I can't continue as I am as I have been making mistakes and taking days to do work that should only take hours. I feel such a failure but I have to take time off even though I am effectively signing my own dismissal papers.

To cap it all, my pdoc wants me to give up my driving licence.

So my job is gone, my therapy has finished, I've loads of issues that remain unresolved, my pdoc won't help with meds. I just wish I'd never bothered.

There aren't any solutions to this problem, my job has gone, I can't change pdocs (NHS bureaucracy) and there isn't any more therapy available. Meanwhile the urges are getting stronger.

i am sorry these people sound terrible

[DueReflection]

when i began therapy, i over-shared to the point where it made me feel worse than when i first started and wished i hadn't let so much out at once... similar to your plight, there was a time-limit on the duration of how long i could be seen by the therapist, and i was in such a hurry to 'get better' that i laid it all out there... i know, dumb dumb dumb.. if i could do it over again i think i would have just shared 1-2 things.

workplaces might be the cruelest of all; how many of us hinge our identity on what we do for a living? i am a mess personally so i wouldn't dare give any advice; but your plight and the pain that comes along with it is real, don't let the circumstances overwhelm you... i am new here but there's apparently a lot of people here in similar straits (i know, that's not really much consolation at a time like this.)

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry that what you've been offered is so disgustingly inadequate
(I'm also in the UK )

I also saw a pdoc who would only prescribe one med (a notorious SSRI which I'm now allergic to )

wish I could offer more

[Frankbtl]

Hi TheOriginalMe,

It sounds like you've been so let down by the resources out there, I'm sorry
But if the pdoc can't up your meds could you talk them into adding something else or trying different meds?? Otherwise occasionally G.P's can add something (depending on the G.P of course!!) in consultation with your pdoc, so maybe worth trying???
Might go nowhere, I'm sorry, but just a thought.
And if you're not getting much support on the NHS maybe you could try some charities like MIND or Rethink for support, depending on what they've got going on in your area.
And work...........is there the possibility of cutting your hours??? Things sound hard enough for you without the pressure of work as well but maybe less hours???
But regardless time off, job or no job........you ARE NOT a failure!!!
Look at what you're having to cope/live with, right now!!! Just wanting to work is amazing, but if you can't that absolutely does not make you a failure!!!
So all the help you can get, hey (??) helplines, crisis lines, and please keep sharing with us, we're here for you too

Alison

[gayleggg]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope that they find a job for you, but I was let go under sort of the same circumstances and after trying a couple of temp jobs I quit and filed for disability. It sure makes money short but I'm done with all the stress that working put one me.

I'm sorry that therapy is leaving you with a lot of open wounds and while PC doesn't have professional counselors talking with others with similar issues seems to help. So keep posting. Take advantage of the support and feedback that you can get here on PC.

I don't know what to say about your psychiatrist. I can't believe he is not willing to adjust your meds to fit your mood level. Shame on him.

I wish you the best and hope that you make use of PC.

[TheOriginalMe]

Thanks everyone for replying, I honestly didn't expect replies because it was such a rant and to me the whole situation is so hopeless.

Originally Posted by eden1515

i am sorry these people sound terrible

The system is there for the system and not the patients. The worst part is not having a choice, so even if I complain I'll still be with the same treatment team.

Originally Posted by DueReflection

i am new here but there's apparently a lot of people here in similar straits (i know, that's not really much consolation at a time like this.)

Welcome to PC DueReflection, it does help ground me a bit to remember that I'm not the only one. I'm sorry that your therapy experience was hard for you.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

wish I could offer more

A Fuzzybear hug is just perfect thank you. The NHS does seem totally fixated with three adequate trials of SSRIs, followed by an SNRI or TCA, followed by more of the same. It is probably a great strategy for people who can tolerate those drugs, but if you can't tolerate them then you never get moved up the prescribing pathway.

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi TheOriginalMe,

It sounds like you've been so let down by the resources out there, I'm sorry
But if the pdoc can't up your meds could you talk them into adding something else or trying different meds?? Otherwise occasionally G.P's can add something (depending on the G.P of course!!) in consultation with your pdoc, so maybe worth trying???
Might go nowhere, I'm sorry, but just a thought.
And if you're not getting much support on the NHS maybe you could try some charities like MIND or Rethink for support, depending on what they've got going on in your area.
And work...........is there the possibility of cutting your hours??? Things sound hard enough for you without the pressure of work as well but maybe less hours???
But regardless time off, job or no job........you ARE NOT a failure!!!
Look at what you're having to cope/live with, right now!!! Just wanting to work is amazing, but if you can't that absolutely does not make you a failure!!!
So all the help you can get, hey (??) helplines, crisis lines, and please keep sharing with us, we're here for you too

Alison

Thanks Alison, lots of great advice as usual. Unfortunately to add in drugs my pdoc insists that I have retry the stuff that causes me problems first, my GP has said he's not going to challenge her. I'm thinking of going private but with my job situation I can only afford one appointment and would be relying on my GP to prescribe for me, I don't think he will agree to that.

I did cut my hours at work, but if I cut them again I'll end up losing pension rights that I've paid in over 25 years.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope that they find a job for you, but I was let go under sort of the same circumstances and after trying a couple of temp jobs I quit and filed for disability. It sure makes money short but I'm done with all the stress that working put one me.

I'm sorry that therapy is leaving you with a lot of open wounds and while PC doesn't have professional counselors talking with others with similar issues seems to help. So keep posting. Take advantage of the support and feedback that you can get here on PC.

I don't know what to say about your psychiatrist. I can't believe he is not willing to adjust your meds to fit your mood level. Shame on him.

I wish you the best and hope that you make use of PC.

Thanks Gayle

You're right being here is good as is talking to others.

As far as work is concerned I've created a bit of a rod for my own back, by continuing to work I've proved to myself that I'm not a quitter but I've also given work the ammunition to refuse me retirement on the grounds of disability. Enough is enough, I am giving it one more week and then I will have to take some time off regardless of what happens.

Thank you everyone for your support.

No words I'm afraid...just hugs!

(((((TheOriginalMe)))))

[Fuzzybear]

"The system is there for the system and not for the patients"



exactly!

And then they wonder why so many of these people they are fobbing off "fail" to "cope" with their abuse? !! Duh??

[waterknob1234]

I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this. It's not fair. You are a good person. You deserve better. Is there anything similar to disability income in the UK? I don't know if that is a possibility. Can you go back to your G.P. and see if there is anything he can do? Is he willing or able to change medications?

I agree the health system does often seem rigged to serve the system, not the patients. It seems like it's that way in the USA as well. I think they look at the cheapest way to do something, not what is always in the best interests of patients.

Hang in there. Please take care of yourself because you are worth it. And, you are NOT a failure. We love you.