[Fuzzybear]

Possible trigger:

I still have intrusive thoughts from the abuse of so many abusers. How do you remove their garbage short of cutting off the bears head?

One **** head of a landlord I had after the parents had thrown me out said how I sounded like a "crow" when I was singing. Just how exactly can that benefit anyone? I was paying him for a shabby room and he had to turn the knife I guess I should feel sorry for losers like that. Maybe he was jealous because I was young and pretty and he was old and ugly **** him and **** all abusers

[hpocus]

First of all, it helps if you can realize how ridiculous and out of line they were. Sounds like you've got that.

Second - I can't do this myself, but I've heard it works - is to forgive them. Like your landlord, obviously had some sort of power struggle or jealousy issue and attacked out of no where. You did nothing. He clearly had some stuff of his own going on. If you can forgive him for making the mistake of taking out his stuff on an easy target, that will help. Or so I've heard.

Next you can reroute your thought patterns. Your thoughts go through your brain like roads through the countryside. You keep thinking one way, the road becomes a superhighway, and you automatically go down it without even noticing that there are other roads. Take the other roads.

For instance, it appears you had a v bad time in that apartment, that all you can focus on is how you got there. But, it's also true that you pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and survived. That was not automatic, that took work. So those two roads are parallel, going in the same direction. You hop on the superhighway, your parents, and ignore the relaxing road just over to your right, what you did for yourself.

Finally, mindfulness helps, so you can stay in the here and now and put the past out of your mind for a bit.

This is all too simplistic sounding. I'm sorry. It does work, but it takes a lot of effort. I wish I had a magic bullet for you - that wasn't a bullet.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Fuzzy,

Think you're doing great........"Maybe he was jealous because I was young and pretty" recognising what they say isn't necessarily true at all.
It is all about them, not about you. It is their problem.
Whether they are looking for power/control in their lives or influence over others, whether they have anger issues, whether they've been hurt themselves, whether..........and that's just taken out on others.............
So try to keep that detachment going, what they do/say doesn't have to define you, you can still be who you are deep down. Try not to make their problems as much your problems.
And you know, when you can, try to remind yourself that they aren't worthy of so many of your feelings...........maybe try to focus more on memories of positive things other people in your life have done or said, or people you actually respect/admire.
And of course your positive traits too!!

And if you've got recurring specific thoughts/things they've said........try writing them all down, several times and burn that piece of paper, then start on another piece of paper writing down all the good things about yourself........just a thought.

But absolutely you can feel sorry for them, but if you can't then maybe you can still feel grateful or proud of yourself that you're a much better person in the way you behave than they are in the way they behave/behaved.



Alison

[Killian Hook]

Originally Posted by hpocus

Second - I can't do this myself, but I've heard it works - is to forgive them. Like your landlord, obviously had some sort of power struggle or jealousy issue and attacked out of no where. You did nothing. He clearly had some stuff of his own going on. If you can forgive him for making the mistake of taking out his stuff on an easy target, that will help. Or so I've heard.

One good way to do this is to practice Metta-mediation. You direct your attention to yourself, then your family and friends, then your acquaintances, and then those that have hurt you. Do each of these steps with compassion.

How to Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta))

This is just an overview. There is lots of info out there on the subject.

[cloudyn808]

Originally Posted by Killian Hook

One good way to do this is to practice Metta-mediation. You direct your attention to yourself, then your family and friends, then your acquaintances, and then those that have hurt you. Do each of these steps with compassion.

How to Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta))

This is just an overview. There is lots of info out there on the subject.

Aloha,

Metta Meditation has helped me greatly to release anger & resentment towards others... including those "Rat Bast.rds" who violated me for so many years

[Clara22]

Hi Fuzzy,
I was told that if we have flashbacks like those you describe it may be PTSD

[waterknob1234]

Hi Fuzzy. I know it is sometimes hard to forget bad things other people have said and done to you. You are a wonderful person. Maybe he was jealous in some way. I hope he is someone in your past and not in your present. You are a good person and we love you.

[shezbut]

Some times are definitely harder than others. You are not alone, Fuzzybear. Try to remember the many that care about you when you are feeling down and angry. Love you!