Closer to the End

I feel like I'm getting closer to the end of the line. My anxiety, as much as I work on it in therapy, still overwhelms me. I haven't licked it yet to the point that I can interview successfully for a job or get a girlfriend. Every day I see friends having relationships and knowing I am the ONLY male my age who has not even come close to having sex or anything approaching intimacy. I feel like as much as I'm trying, I'm taking 3 steps backwards each time. I really think I need to , not immediately, but that day is coming soon

It has never worked for me to give myself ultimatums. I know you feel frustration and worse, but I wonder if it could be enough to try to find happiness as a single person first, immersed in your own interests?

I'm sorry you are struggling friend. My son struggles greatly with anxiety and while he is not "there" yet as we say, he is getting there. Maybe it's time to take stock of how far you've come? You obviously feel that you have not arrived at a place you want to be, but be careful of staking out artificial goals. Relationships and job interviews are worthy targets to shoot for, but they are not in and of themselves ends that equal happiness by themselves. Nor is it useful to measure your own outcomes against those of your friends. I tell my son that progress is the goal and with each bit of progress, new opportunities present themselves.

Keep it up.

I believe with all my heart and soul that we all have a reason to be here. We all have a purpose in this world and that our efforts matter in the lives of others. The same is true for you. You have a place and a reason even though your path has been difficult. Your life matters, all life matters. We would all be diminished without you.

Hi AK,
It is unfair that you have put that deadline for yourself as positive outcomes do not depend enterily on yourself. If you said, for example, "I establish a deadline for me to stop eating junk food" I would understand, although even eating junk food sometimes get out of control and we cannot stop unless we get help for it. But having a girlfriend or getting a job depend on several factors. You are a factor among others. I am not sure this deadline is helping you at all.
Many of us have thought alike, I mean living is so painful for some of us that we think that dying is the best solution. In that regard, I hear and feel your pain, and I respect you and your decision. To me, it is your right to make a decision about continue living or not.
But also I deeply feel you have the right to be happy. You have the right to achieve goals at your own path. You are not an unworthy freak because you have not gotten a job or a girlfriend yet. You have the right to be you, you have the right to be alive, no matter what.
Perhaps a change of environment will help for you to be free of some pressure.
I wish you the best and send you a big hug

Hi sorry you feel so frustrated, listen to Clara and Paul's posts, they're talking sense. Also not everyone is 'doing it' as much as they claim! Most people lie about intimacy and sex isn't a measure of worth. Be understanding towards yourself and try not to hold yourself to goals that also depend on another person's actions, that's not fair on you. Hang on in there, YOU deserve it.

Exactly!!not everyone is doing it as much as they claim

Hi ak482. I also have tremendous anxiety at job interviews. I know you are hurting so much and my heart goes out to you. You are a worthwhile person. I am hoping you find that sense of peace.

Join the club! You are not alone.

It doesn't matter how much they're doing it. It's the fact they have & I haven't that hurts. I know I'll be exposed even if I get that far I ask this: if it's not a big deal, then why is it treat like something approaching the bubonic plague?

Because we are conditioned by Culture. But sooner or later we realize that Culture is arbitrary

There are girls out there who will likely appreciate that you are not "sexually experienced." A great woman will love you for who you for who you are, as you are. Hang in there.

Well said! Sexual intimacy is a gift you can give only once. Question is-- who is entitled to that gift.

I agree! The thought of being a man's1st is actually a turn-on to some of us! Not being compared to a man's last conquest, and the thrill of sharing his first experience.....priceless! So don't be so hard on yourself hun. The right woman is out there waiting for someone like you.

I'm waiting & I'm running out of time to find that someone I have severe doubts that love is for me.

I am so sorry you're going through this. I know how this feels, and I'm kind of going through the same problem, I just don't feel comfortable about talking about it here yet.

ak482, I was late to the sex world myself. It is a crushing thing to carry around, don't let anyone say different. But it is also a load of ********, that society makes you feel the way you do, and there is some amount of choice in how much you buy into all this. We live in a crass culture and we are fed a lot of toxic ideas.

I am suffering too, cuz I have been shut out of this world again now, due to depression and illness. Feels like I am going crazy.

I get the despair you feel. I think we just have convince ourselves that we deserve love and to expect it and it then it shows up.

Hang in there!!!

Love can come when you least expect it, and often even when you're not looking. I've had this happen before, believe me. Miracles CAN HAPPEN and you might just meet someone in a very unusual way. Don't give up on yourself, please!! Hang in there ok?