waiting for my last breath

I am a 36 yr old make, married with one child, 5 months old. ever since I can remember, I have felt like I don't belong in this world. I am a misanthrope you see and hate this world and the majority of people in it. I have suffered through small bouts of depression all my life, but for the last few years, it has become worse. All facets of my life I have failed in. When I got married, I thought it would end the pain but it only got worse. My wife cannot understand me as I am, and she never will. I only feel disdain from her, and I am misunderstood. She doesn't care for how I think and does not respect my opinions in the least. I feel no love from her. my career is also non existent, and my family also don't understand me. Every action I do is wrong for those closest around me. I have no voice, I have lost all passion for things I used to love to do. I find satisfaction in nothing, except for my daughter. She is the only reason I still breathe, but I daily think I am better off leaving this world. It has no place for me. That I sincerely believe. I feel that soon I will give up completely, and it may be the relief I need. Any thoughts?

I am sorry you are feeling so depressed and listless. It sounds from what you say that professional help is called for at this point. A psych doc or therapist would be able to help you deal with your situation.

Anyone that feels they are liable to do self harm should set up a safety plan. here are possible links to explore that.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan
since you are international
check out https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Hi listless,



For depression

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

You sound like you are really struggling. I'm sorry to hear that and wish you well. I have no experience with depression but am in the company of a loved one who does. Like you I seek some answers here and perhaps like me you will find some. My advice for what it's worth is to remember that depression may be clouding your perception. I notice in my son that depression colors his viewpoint and distorts his impressions of others and their relationship with him. You have a daughter and at 5 months they are a wonder. As she gets older she will need you more and you will become a very large part of her life. That in itself is worth your effort. You have much to offer her and your work to find a better place for yourself and her will be rewarding I promise you. That better place will help with your outlook and you may find that your perceptions were inaccurate. There is help out there and as a dad you owe it to yourself to seek it out. Good luck to you and the family that will benefit from your efforts!

Have you ever been on antidepressants or mood stabilizers? I'm bipolar and spend a lot of time in depression. There are no environmental changes or activities that I can find that will pull me out of it. Meds can sometimes make a real difference if you can find the right one(s) for you. I've been off and on with them for several years. But since I've been off, I've noticed mine getting increasingly worse too. I hope you will take care of yourself and find whatever help you need to feel better!