[Humpty Dumpty]

I struggle with suicide on a daily basis. On a good day it's at about a 5. I woke up today really wanting to just kill myself. No particular reason I just did. This made my depression even worse which in turn makes my suicidal ideation even worse. Which makes my depression worse. It is just an endless cycle.

How do you deal with this crap when it is almost overwhelming? I can't check myself into a nut house because my wife needs my help too much right now. Her mom is in the hospital right now because she had a heart attack the other day. I just don't know what to do. It's reasons like this that suicide seems like a welcome relief.

[avlady]

you are under alot of stress right now, please don't hurt yourself. it would only hurt others too. do you have a doc and t. if not i would suggest type of counseling. good luck

[LikeABoomerang]

I often have this problem, though more so in the past than recently. The best thing for me is to distract myself in some way. Read a book, play a video game, surf the internet (i have wasted many hours surfing pinterest for funny stuff), etc... something that keeps the mind busy on other things.

One Day ... One Hour ... One Minute ...
Patient ... Gentle ... Kind ...

If you feel like you're going to act on your suicidal ideation, please call for help or go to your local emergency room because if you take your life there will be a hole in the universe where you're supposed to be and that will be a very sad thing!

[Chummy]

I've had this for so long! It often got to a 9 (10 would be if I would do it). I'm not really sure how I didn't do it. Probably because I don't know how. I don't really have advice. I still can't deal with it. Looking for some distraction can help. But if it get really bad, I don't know.
I'm now on medication and since I'm taking it, the thoughts about suicide are less and also less strong.
In my country you can follow a free online course to deal with suicide thoughts. Maybe they also have something like that in English?

[lonely-and-sad]

When my depression gets so crippling that I am having thoughts of suicide I would say I don't deal with it well at all. Over the years substance abuse stands out as one of the many destructive methods employed. At the heart of this is I NEED RELIEF NOW thinking. I have had some good results with medications although they take a while to work. One thing I seem to do when depressed is read about depression. I read as many studies and articles I can get my hands on. Depression is incredibly complex and reading makes me wish I had studied neurology (when i am well that is ). We desperately need more research and funding for depression and mental health. I visit forums and i hate to say this but i take some comfort knowing i am not alone with this miserable condition. There are no simple answers and no 'ten point plan' that can be applied like a cookie cutter. Stay away from people claiming cures and the like. Reading and learning as much as i can about depression helps me. Its about the only suggestion i have. Improve your knowledge. Keep and open mind and read WIDELY. Don't rely on just what a handful of people are saying. Take a look for yourself.

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[avlady]

thats a good idea lonely and sad

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

If you feel like you're going to act on your suicidal ideation, please call for help or go to your local emergency room because if you take your life there will be a hole in the universe where you're supposed to be and that will be a very sad thing!

The problem is I have gone to 2 different hospitals in my area seeking help and I feel like they have left me more broken than when I entered. On top of that it is more of an adult babysitting service than anything. I appreciate the advise. I really do but going somewhere and asking for help isn't going to happen again. This weekend I have thought about calling the local crisis hotline but decided against it. I know they can't do anything for me. All they can do is listen. They're not allowed to give advice.

[Blues47]

I attempted suicide 26 years ago and since then my life has been the sh**-show I was trying to avoid. Sometimes I find myself in crisis mode, sometimes not. Earlier this evening I was in crisis and wanted to be dead. I'm medicating with beer at the moment (which I guess is the answer to your question). I'd like the strength to kill myself between crises.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Blues47

I attempted suicide 26 years ago and since then my life has been the sh**-show I was trying to avoid. Sometimes I find myself in crisis mode, sometimes not. Earlier this evening I was in crisis and wanted to be dead. I'm medicating with beer at the moment (which I guess is the answer to your question). I'd like the strength to kill myself between crises.

Alcohol is a good idea, I keep forgetting I have some. I don't want to use it though because it might make me sick on top of the meds. I save it for times of very bad anxiety. Oh well. Yes my life turned to crap too.

Possible trigger:

I deal with it because there is literally no other option: I'm immortal. And suicidal. Every once in a while I try to commit suicide on the off chance I'm not immortal anymore. So far no luck.

[ZakeeyahC]

I find getting through each minute is easier then getting through each hour or each day. When I feel like the fight is over and giving into 'ending the struggle' seems simpler, I try to hold on to one thought.. This too shall pass
#headphones on - music blasting
#block out the world
#swing in the park
#Write / Blog
#Retreat within myself
#Paint / Scribble
#Alone time

[lovejoy91]

I am confused. I understand the feeling of being suicidal but don't you want to live? Isn't life worth fighting for? The hard times are just a phrase. It will get better. You have to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I'm just have my s.h.i.t. together. I just wish the best for everyone on this board.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by lovejoy91

I am confused. I understand the feeling of being suicidal but don't you want to live?

Most days no not really.

Isn't life worth fighting for? The hard times are just a phrase. It will get better. You have to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been dealing with this "phase" for about 25 years. I am tired of dealing with it. It is just overwhelming. Yes I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is rapidly approaching. It is the freight train called life that is about to run me over.

[lovejoy91]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

Most days no not really.

I have been dealing with this "phase" for about 25 years. I am tired of dealing with it. It is just overwhelming. Yes I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is rapidly approaching. It is the freight train called life that is about to run me over.

Have you learned different coping skills to deal with depression? Your life is worth fighting for.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Lovejoy over the years I have just internalized everything and pushed it back inside. Only recently has it gotten to the point of where I can't do that anymore.

[lovejoy91]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

Lovejoy over the years I have just internalized everything and pushed it back inside. Only recently has it gotten to the point of where I can't do that anymore.

Aw. I hope things get better for you. I really do. I want to see you happy and healthy. I may not know you but I wish I could help you more.

[BluesyQ]

I agree with Lonely-and-sad...when I feel REALLY down I do get some relief from reading about depression. It's fascinating and relatable. I don't feel so alone and I feel like there is hope, and I'm feeding my mind with some good knowledge instead of being trapped with my negative thoughts. And this site is great too! I'm new to it, but I find it's a great resource. And as much as I love my wine, when I'm super blue it only makes it worse for me. (Although that usually doesn't stop me!).

I hope you find what works for you!