[Ambra]

I've been depressed for a long time but nobody realized it. I am very aware of it and really tried to get better on my own. It has ups and downs. Now it's one if the worst moments. My therapist whom I saw originally for an ED is just gone. I always deny it and try to stay busy but I'm definitely suicidal. I wouldn't do it now but think about it obsessively, I don't know what to do. It's pure hell. Nobody sees me.

[gayleggg]

You need to seek outside help, either with a therapist or psychiatrist. Or call the suicide holiness. You sound seriously depressed and in need of help.

Of course, keep posting on PC because you can get a lot of support here, too.

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[Ambra]

Thanks Gayle. how come nobody ever saw it. Nobody cares because they see me try to react so it's fine. Now I don't feel like doing it anymore.. if i'm so invisible then what's my use..

[lonely-and-sad]

I have persistant depression disorder early onset. I knew no better and nobody else ever saw it. I feel someone should have. The issues were seen as personality or laziness or blamed elsewhere. I have almost always been depressed. Sometimes its mild for months sometimes its moderate for a year or two and then sometimes i slip into a major deprressive episode for 6-9 months which is double depression. Many people on this subforum seem to be suffering from the same or similar thing. Nobody helped and I never sought help until into nearly midlife. My issues are far from being addressed and my life is in huge trouble. Its very hard to fix up all these things when they accumulated over so many years.

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[dysphoricspirit]

Nobody realized I was depressed , my parents don't even believe I'm depressed. Basically I was made to feel guilty for showing any sign of wanting support or comfort for my depression, every time I hinted I could be depressed, I got "You are a perfectly fine little kid, you had a great upbringing and great parents" or "you're not depressed, that's nonsense" as a reply.

I've come to the realization that it doesn't help to talk to people who don't want to listen and getting professional help is good because whether or not they genuinely care about you, they will at least help you and understand what you're saying and help you.

Keep posting here, and gayleggg has great advice.

[Ambra]

thank you all.. ️ I only regret not telling my therapist when I could and now I feel lost even thinking about getting a new one and starting all over.