[pretzel1234]

Intro: Alright, you probably wouldn't know upon meeting me that I have mental issues but I do. I say this, because on the outside people say I appear happy, confident, outgoing, and fun. If only they knew what was happenin' in my head. My psychologist is actually very conservative (not like other docs I have seen that pass pills to end the session), which worries me that she has diagnosed me with OCD, Depression, Anxiety, and ADHD. This worries me because she is spot on. I agree with her and it scares me. I have been seeing a Behavioral Therapist and Psychologist(MD) for 7 years now. I have gone from periods of resolution with depression and OCDt ton extreme cases fall symptoms.

Med Background: I'm on Zoloft and have been on 200 mg a day for a year, along with 15 mg of Deplin for the past 4 years. Zoloft was my first experience with anti-depressants and it helped as I was prescribed this for anxiety, depression, an OCD. I knew I needed help with the symptoms I've had since 10 years old (mostly OCD tendencies). I started with Zoloft and gradually moved to 125 mg and I finally felt okay.. as in, I didn't worry or care about the mundane problems, I was just... me, but without all the ******** worrying. I ended up getting too much anxiety and restlessness and switched to Prozac. Then Wellbutrin, then Effexor. Then back to Zoloft (my 200 mg/day dose).

Problem: I don't feel relief. I did with that initial Zoloft experience, but never again. I fight for myself everyday. I was on Adderall XR for ADHD (which my friends and co-workers point out my ADD-ness). I try and try to help myself with a counselor and psychologist because I WANT to be better! I have developed Trichotillomania (not the scalp as much as the arms and legs). Thankfully I have hair still left and it's not really noticeable.

On Adderall: I usually lost things constantly, was all over the place (as co-workers noted), took me forever to do a simple task, couldn't read because I had to go over a passage again and again to be sure of what i read, and most days on my way to work I've imagined crashing into the highway median/wall. No clue why. Just a thought. My brain was in control at this point - Every conversation I had with anyone was 25% of me listening and 75% of me telling myself what the person was thinking during this convo.

On Vyvanse: I definitely felt less impulsive, I'm hungrier, and have been much more depressed. To the point where I constantly think about ways to die. The reason I haven't done anything is because my dogs count on me and I love them endlessly and my parents would be disappointed.

Final thought: I have much more to say but I don't want to flood my words in excess. I'm beginning to lose hope. I have been seeking help for 7 years without a long-term result. I am at the point where living in my head has become more work than I can handle after all these years. Has anyone had success or does anyone have advice? After all this, I'm not sure what my purpose is anymore.

[CANDC]

Hi pretzel1234. Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry you have suffered from multiple challenges. Glad you have joined our community. I find Psych Central helps me find answers where before there were only questions. There is so much here. It is like a buffet of help, everyone picks what they like the best.

I am sorry you are feeling like you are losing hope. It is partly expectations that control hope. When I expect to get to bliss and I only get stable I am disappointed. But if I am grateful for the little stability I have, then I start to think of seeds I can plant in my life or to reinvent myself. Some of these are mentioned in lifestyle changes below.

Besides being an active participant in helping oneself at Psych Cental, many people also help support each other by replying to other people's posts. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

There are lifestyle changes you can try that might help them cope if willing to discipline yourself.

Diet can have an affect on how we feel. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Here is what I use when my head gets over crammed with thoughts. Breathe in a natural way. Silently count one on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 then go back to 1. This helps me focus on breathing rather than the wall of thoughts.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central pretzel!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. Keep fighting!!!! You're on what others and myself call the "med-go-round." It takes time for our providers to find the right combination of drugs that are effective in treating most or all of our symptom with the least amount of side effects. It's good that you have a list of what you've taken and the pros and cons. This will help you in the long run should you have to choose something that worked better in the past. Don't give up!!!! You'll get there!!! You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[Fizzyo]

Hi Pretzel, sorry life is so difficult for you right now. I really feel for you. The previous two posts are talking sense, there is hope, sometimes it's hiding, but it's there to be found.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Pretzel. Welcome to pc.

[pretzel1234]

Thanks everyone for the kind words! It was very nice of you to take the time to respond. I appreciate the advice on how to release the negative thoughts and it's good to have support. I didn't realize it had a term, but this "med-go-round" has been frustrated, because I don't know when I will finally find the right combination... Even one that could last for a year would be nice.

I'm curious about mindfulness, meditation, and yoga... I think I'll give those avenues a try. I've heard from a co-worker that went through a dark time that running everyday tremendously changed her outlook on life.

As a follow-up, I stopped taking the Vyvanse after being approached by a friend at work. They pointed out I seemed extremely depressed which matched the timeline of when I started Vyvanse. It was to the point where I didn't want to spoken to at work and avoided talking to people, which is not me at all! I'm a people person! So I knew something had to change.

Encouragement from you all has been great and much appreciated! Thanks!

[vital]

Originally Posted by pretzel1234

...
I'm curious about mindfulness, meditation, and yoga... I think I'll give those avenues a try. I've heard from a co-worker that went through a dark time that running everyday tremendously changed her outlook on life.
...

Encouragement from you all has been great and much appreciated! Thanks!

I think that's a great idea pretzel. You might get some ideas from this:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

One problem with meds is that they very often stop working after a while because of "oppositional tolerance."

- vital

[CANDC]

Pretzel, the meds that are working well and keeping stable are good ones to keep on.

For a quick intro to mindfulness, I try this exercise that I can do just about anywhere.

Breathe naturally, silently counting as you breathe, 1 on the inhale, 2 on the exhale, at your own pace, 3 on the inhale, 4 on the exhale up to 10. Then start at 1.

It does not have to be complicated.

Yoga there are several places I go locally for the comraderie. Be sure to pick a class that is appropriate for your level of proficiency.

If money is an issue try free online yoga.
www.youtube.com search for Adrienne Complete Beginners yoga. There are more than 30 classes that range from 20-40 minutes so whatever works for you.