[Thefallen97]

ive been so ****ed up and suicidal,

Possible trigger:

a friend talked me out of killing myself, and im a bit glad he did... but then at work (i work in a hotel restaurant) house keeping came down with a big stake knife and gave it to me, when i went to go tell the head chef, he just told me to keep it.

i wish i could yell at the top of ,my lungs

THIS IS HOW I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!

but i cant say that, all i could do was accept the knife, i have it with me right now, and when i look at it, its a bitter reminder of want i can do, want to do, maybe should do.

i want to do it so badly, when i say there is no one to talk, i mean there is no one, this website is the only way i can vent my problwms... and i have a lot of them... but there is no one here to talk to.

btw' i just moved here a month ago.

[ensconce]

I would add a trigger warning. You should try and relax and maybe distract yourself, sometimes thoughts can consume us.

You can send me a message anytime if you need somebody to talk to.

[SillyKitty]

You can pm me anytime.

[vital]

- vital

[Fuzzybear]

You can PM me if you need to

Originally Posted by ensconce

I would add a trigger warning. You should try and relax and maybe distract yourself, sometimes thoughts can consume us.

The trigger warning would have had to go in the title, can you do that?

I realize that, while the title was slightly triggering and dramatic and not something I agree with, it did get my attention--it did get me to click on it...

I fear, too often, that this is how we learn to get help... I know that I have.

[Rohag]

Having recently moved, you are possibly in a state of "relocation turbulence." That can be exceptionally trying for anyone. Now is the time to exercise extra care.

Generally, under what conditions are you the least suicidal?

[Ruftin]

I've always made it my motto to never make any important decisions based on moods, feelings or emotions. When your moods change so does your whole world, especially when you have mental illness. Suicide is a very important decision. One you can't undo if successful. The mood causing you to feel this way will pass if given time and/or the proper treatment whether it be therapy or coping skills or meds. Please give yourself the time you deserve to get past this feeling. Keep posting and reaching out.

Originally Posted by somat

The trigger warning would have had to go in the title, can you do that?

I realize that, while the title was slightly triggering and dramatic and not something I agree with, it did get my attention--it did get me to click on it...

I fear, too often, that this is how we learn to get help... I know that I have.

Oops, it seemed I missed the actual trigger... still, I think I had a point on acting out, generally...

For instance, on the local crisis chat, I know that if I say I am definitely suicidal, they talk to me for up to 2 hours. If I say that I have thought about it but have decided to do my best at coping and will probably not do it... 10 minutes.

I wish we weren't encouraged for acting out... and... I see why people have to intervene if we do act out (and not when we are just coping).

[cakeladie]

Suicide is never the answer. There is always someone of this forum that will talk to you. Also you can PM me or others if you need to talk.

We have all been in your shoes at one time or another please talk before you act.

Take care I will be thinking and praying for you of that so ok

[Komfortable]

Originally Posted by Thefallen97

i want to do it so badly, when i say there is no one to talk, i mean there is no one, this website is the only way i can vent my problwms... and i have a lot of them... but there is no one here to talk to.

btw' i just moved here a month ago.

We are in the same state. If we are in the same area and you need someone to talk to in person, PM me. I'll help as much as I can.

Presumably you can also call a crisis line...

[Tauren]

No one is meant to commit suicide. Depression is an illness, not who you are. It tells you there's no point in going on but that's the illness talking. When people tell you it gets better and life is worth living, the illness says they just don't understand. It doesn't define you but it makes you think it does. It makes it hard to see any farther than your own skull.

Personally, I would admit myself to ER before calling a crisis line because I've read horror stories about them tracing your phone and sending the police to your house. Most cops aren't properly trained to handle people with mental illnesses so they deal with you the only way they know how: handcuff you, shove you into the back of a cop car, be insensitive pricks, and drive you to the hospital while not letting you bring your keys, wallet, and phone which are generally needed upon being discharged.

Talking to friends or IMing people here should be your first line of defense. If that doesn't help, admitting yourself seems to be the path of least resistance.

Anyways, I hope you're doing better OP!

[Tauren]

They wouldn't send the police unless you were an immediate danger to yourself or others, in which case sending the police is the right thing to do.

Yeah... generally, they do not call the police until you tell them that you are actively following through with a plan and if you are telling them that, you are giving them no other choice.

[Fuzzybear]

Still though, if I were actually suicidal and thought of a plan I would admit myself to ER to avoid dealing with the police or use a burner phone in an undisclosed location to talk to them. Being handcuffed and shoved into the back of a cop car isn't good for anybodies mental health and admitting yourself keeps you in control.

Just my 2C

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Still though, if I were actually suicidal and thought of a plan I would admit myself to ER to avoid dealing with the police or use a burner phone in an undisclosed location to talk to them. Being handcuffed and shoved into the back of a cop car isn't good for anybodies mental health and admitting yourself keeps you in control.

Just my 2C

Depending on who you are, where you live and what your diagnosis is. Many people here simply get turned away from the hospital if they try to admit themselves for suicidal ideation (even with a plan).

[Rose76]

I'm sorry you are in this state of mind. Being alone is the worst thing in the world when despair sets in. We're all glad you are coming here to express how bad you feel. That recent move probably hasn't helped. At least give yourself some time to adjust to being in a new environment.

The quality of support you can get by phoning crisis lines can vary a real lot. But they are worth giving a try. From where you are located, there is probably more than one number available. I'ld recommend giving them a try. You don't have to be in full blown crisis to have a right to call.

Please consider starting a thread on one of your problems. (At least, start with one.) People here at PC are genuinely interested in hearing what you have going on in your life. You'll get feedback, which can possibly stop you from going around in circles in your head.

You have a right to help when everything just gets too overwhelming. You deserve it as much as anyone else. Don't make some irreversible decision while you are so isolated. Your life can be made less painful, even though that's hard for you to see right now.