[AstroZombies89]

Hello. Im a 26 year old male from los angeles. I've recently been diagnosed with severe depressive disorder. I feel like I have always been a little depressed but up until recently (4-5 months) it has affected my life so much that I finally sought help. I am currently taking wellbutrin and seeing a therapist.

I came here for advice and your thoughts on my situation. I realized i was depressed when a day of work felt like a week. I found absolutely no joy in anything I did anymore. Dropped most of my hobbys and even felt distanced from my girlfriend of 10 years. Things got bad !

I feel like i am incapable of feeling love or joy now. I would spend time with my girlfriend hoping that these feelings would pass, and they never did. Even on medication I cant feel the way i used to about her. I broke up with her recently. I didnt want to keep her around while I knew i didnt feel love for her anymore. Not romantic love anyway if it makes any sense. Now I regret it, but am still not sure if i can feel that love for her again.

I feel like depression has taken everything from me. I feel like im too far gone to get her back even if i tried. Ive been making bad decisions and noticed that I act on impulse. It only makes me feel worse. I recently went to the pub with some friends and made out with a girl. I feel like **** about it as I only recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was fun in the moment but it truly brought me no joy. Im out of control and Im afraid ive lost her for good now. I pushed her away....

My therapist has not been of much help. She says its natural for someone thats been with the same person as long as i have to want to explore and be single. Since we were highschool sweethearts, she says we never got a chance to grow as adults on our own. I know im rambling and im sorry i just really need some input.

Can depression make you not capable of feeling love ? can it make you THINK youve fallen out of love ? Help me !

[kaliope]

hi astrozombies
as you indicated, depression can rob you of everything. i wouldnt give your therapist a bad review. i think she gave you some good advice. you are just upset. you were in a situation where, as you said, you did something impulsive, you were under the influence, and you regretted it. i am sure after 10 years you still love your girlfriend. it is just with the hopelessness of depression, it is difficult to experience these feelings. i dont think it is that you dont love her anymore, it is just that because of the depression, you are unable to interpret the feelings through the same lens as in the past. you are not going to be able to judge your true feelings toward her until the depression clears.

breaking up is sometimes a good thing as the added stressor makes it difficult to get well, but then you do not have the support of someone you love. you have to remember that your feelings are skewed by the depression. if it is difficult for you to decide, you can leave it up to her as to whether she wants to be in the relationship or not based on where you stand.

I hope this is helpful. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[CANDC]

Hi astrozombies. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are in a depression. That is a hard place to be in. Your therapist is only trying to dispel your guilt you were feeling about kissing with someone.
If you find that alcohol or recreational drugs causes you to do impulsive things, be careful because the rebound of depression can be mania where bad decision making rules and one's behavior can be influenced by a false sense of invincibility.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

Anxiety chat is from 8PM EST on Wednesday and Depression chat is 9PM EST on Thursday. Many people go there with other diagnoses so if you want to meet some people and find support there you are certainly welcome. And their are other chats too. When you have 5 posts you can check the schedule on the Calendar in the blue bar above. Bipolar Chat has been happening on Saturday night at 9PM EST.

Glad you are joining us here. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Fuzzybear]

Can depression make you not capable of feeling love ? can it make you THINK youve fallen out of love ?

Yes, it absolutely can. That's been my experience. Depression is not exactly the same for each person, so you may get a different opinion from someone else. Not only is depression not the same for each person, one depressive episode may be very different from another one for the same person.

What's definite, though, is that your thinking and emotions are not working normally when you're severely depressed. I tend to not trust my emotions when I'm very depressed, and try to put off making any kind of important decision, if I can, until I'm doing better. (I only came to that conclusion after making some disastrous decisions while depressed.)

Are you seeing a psychiatrist for your medication management? Your depression sounds very severe the way you've described it. You need someone who is well-acquainted with psychoactive drugs and how to prescribe them, so if you were prescribed the Wellbutrin by a primary care doctor, I'd look into trying to see a psychiatrist.

I'm glad that you've posted here at Psych Central. It's a good, supportive forum for talking about your depression and medication and for asking questions.

[spring2014]

I feel for you. I have depression and anxiety.im on meds too . it sounds like your therapist isn't all that supportive . I would give it some time to pass .if your symptoms gets worse , go to a psychiatrist to change your medication for stronger one.

[lonely-and-sad]

Wellbutrin is not very strong as a medication. How long have you been on that?

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[AstroZombies89]

Thank you everyone for responding. It truly helps just to hear any shred of advice or understanding. I feel very welcome here. Once again, thank you for listening.

To answer some of your questions, My psychiatrist prescribed me 150mg wellbutrin xl. One tab a day. Although I feel he didnt really listen to me much, and rushed to prescribe me this medication. I am on a low income, and am going to a state funded low cost clinic for therapy and to see my psychiatrist. Although my therapy is a one hour session bi weekly,
and psychiatrist appts. monthly. I feel it is nowhere near enough therapy, and am out of options simply.

I wish I would have seen these replies earlier. I didnt see this thread posted so I assumed I had to wait for approval to post. I am still so lost. I have been acting impulsively, and doing things that are so not like me. I wish I wouldnt have made so many big, life changing decisions while still depressed. Also, I noticed some of you said "episodes". I feel like it has been one giant continuous two year episode that gradually got so bad my mind couldn't handle it, and thus became severely depressed to the point that it was affecting my life in all aspects.

It hasnt subsided. the medication was helping, until i broke up with my ex, and made some stupid decisions i can no longer take back. Im ashamed. I made a list of traits and thoughts and was brutally honest about it, and am going to email it to my therapist since our sessions are short , and I usually get nervous and dont say all that I want. Please, im dying for any interpretations, opinions, thoughts, or advice ! Sorry for the wall of text... I hope some of you read this and have some feedback for me. I feel like i might be a narcissist, or have some other underlying condition besides depression and anxiety.

"Traits that worry me.

I care if people like me.
I thrive on acceptance and the way people perceive me.
I sometimes feel above others/better than.
I treat friends differently, almost as if on tiers.
I see things very black and white. Either something is good or bad, no in between.
My opinions should be respected, yet rebuttals are usually seen as a personal attack.
Criticism is seen as a personal attack.
I talk over people. I usually add my piece, or somehow relate it to myself. an experience or opinion, and interrupt.
Exaggerate achievements and talents.
Preoccupied with fantasies of love, being in great shape, being a success etc.
Feel that I am unique and can only be understood by certain people.
Feel that i exploit people emotionally. I need validation.
Am envious of others and sometimes think people are envious of me.
Can be a show off/arrogant. Tend to brag.
I usually dont give myself any credit. Doubt myself.Harsh self critic.
Recently have trouble falling asleep. Cant maintain a consistent sleeping pattern.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures.
Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, hopelessness etc.
Reckless/Impulsive behavior involving women, sex, alcohol, socializing etc.
Pessimist. always expect the worst.
Feel scared and helpless when alone.
Feel the need to be in a relationship.
Feel like I dont know who I am. Lack an identity. Feel the need to "find myself".
Emotional Instability. Can have days at a time where I can not be convinced that Ive ruined my life
and theres no coming back, to days where i feel just ok. Days where I feel ok, and have a sudden crying session over my ex.

Felt like I fell out of love with my ex. Am STILL not sure if its my depression,
my true feelings, or a mixture of both. I literally feel incapable of loving at the moment.
I miss her. She treated me like a king, and i have no idea why i pushed her away. Even typing this disgusts me.
Strongly feel that I wasnt appreciative of my ex girlfriend and might have been able to save the relationship if I
got help sooner and put in more effort. I was being very selfish towards the end of the relationship and not treating
my ex like a girlfriend. only worrying about my needs, looking at other women, flirting with other women, lying,
throwing her past cheating into her face, not making her feel special."