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#1
Sep 16, 2015, 11:02 PM
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I’ve been so unstable these past few months and I can’t hold myself together anymore. Everything I’ve been straining to hold in for the past month has spilled out. I can’t contain my thoughts about killing myself; they have spilled over into my dreams, when I’m asleep I die, over and over again, I take my own life in a myriad of ways. I am never sorry.
But then I awake and the ******* ******* is still there, the ***** are still there. I’ve taken to carrying them around with me, getting more comfortable with their presence, with the idea of not hurting any longer. I failed to maintain the only relationship where another person cared about me even the tiniest fraction. And that person got paid for it, and even so, even getting $90 an hour; it wasn’t enough to continue to put up with me, to feign caring. She promised she would never leave me, promised it would all be okay, but it isn’t and I am alone and absolutely destroyed. I no longer have hope that I can get better. I just want to let go of this life. Last edited by FooZe; Sep 17, 2015 at 03:41 AM. Reason: added trigger icon |
 AllHeart, Anonymous200240, Anonymous37914, Anonymous37925, Anonymous43209, Anonymous50122, Bill3, Ellahmae, Gavinandnikki, growlycat, justdesserts, JustShakey, LonesomeTonight, LostOne369, musinglizzy, nutters, rainbow8, Rohag, Soccer mom, spring2014, ThingWithFeathers, unaluna, vital
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#2
Sep 17, 2015, 03:13 AM
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Sending you
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#3
Sep 17, 2015, 05:06 AM
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Please call someone locally to get help. Please don't do anything drastic. Call your doctor or pdoc if you don't currently have t. I wonder would it help to adjust your medication? Sending you hugs
You don't have to be alone and life could be better. Your former t doesn't have that much power over you Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
 LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#4
Sep 17, 2015, 10:05 AM
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 You are hurting so much, the pain sounds excruciating. Please ask for help.
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#5
Sep 17, 2015, 10:05 AM
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I'm sorry you are in so much pain.
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#6
Sep 17, 2015, 10:20 AM
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I am so sorry I that you have not found a way to get help with your pain. You really deserve better and I wish I could say something meaningful and helpful.
I sincerely hope something changes for you and your life improves.
__________________
Pam 
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#7
Sep 17, 2015, 12:01 PM
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You have children. Don't they count as people who care about you? I would guess that their world revolves around you and they would be devastated if anything happened to you. Can you hang on for them, let their love for you stand in for now until you can love yourself again?
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#8
Sep 17, 2015, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
I don't have children. I just babysit. They are not mine. Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk |
| Bill3
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#9
Sep 17, 2015, 12:04 PM
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Quote:
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| LonesomeTonight
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#10
Sep 17, 2015, 12:06 PM
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Sending you healing hugs, 45. Lots of healing hugs.
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#11
Sep 20, 2015, 06:27 AM
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InRealLife45
I am sorry that you are having these suicidal thoughts. The important thing is that they are just thoughts and you are in charge of what you do so they cannot make you do anything. How about medication would having that looked at or strengthened be helpful? The Dr. would be able to advise about that. How about therapy? A good therapist can give you good skills for dealing with depression. CBT is very good as is acceptance and commitment therapy, which I use. It is based on research, which shows that, trying to get rid of thoughts only makes them worse, and come back more. It says that we should accept them say to ourselves, we are experiencing them and just watch them as they go out of our minds. And we keep doing that till they stop. which they always do, while at the same time getting on with the business of the day. Keeping your mind busy doing things, especially enjoyable ones will distract from these thoughts. There is Nami the organization for the mentally ill and you can Google them contact them to find out what courses they have in your area. They do run peer to peer support groups which would give you new friends. And fellow sufferers make the best ones and would care about you. I hope and pray all of this will get better for you soon. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis |
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#12
Sep 21, 2015, 06:19 AM
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Hey, I never thought hope was so important till I didn't have any. It is so hard to find anything to hold on to but I found I would force myself to look outside and count 3 things, sometimes it was the sun or rain or clouds or whatever, but something I could be thankful for ... it seemed pointless at the time but somehow that did help my mind focus on something real. I have hope for you and that is the hope I have to hold on to for me tonight. Stay strong, you are not alone ... Julie
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