[NoMoreMeNow]

In January I fell in to life changing debt sue to a spread bet with an investment group in the UK.

Their failure to close my positions quickly left me with a bill of hundreds of thousands of pounds.

I have tried to fight back to no avail. Since Jan I've been going out of my mind and there have been days where all I do is find ways to take my own life.

I have tried to be strong but several months of this has got to me. I avoid people and I've just become a recluse.

I've read as much as I can about coping with this but I feel none of it matters and that there is no point in me being around.

I can't speak about it freely with family and friends as no one seems to get it. Yes it is only money but I am one of those that strives on trying to do the best I can. I have royally failed and I can't go on.

What if anything can help me block out the pain? I've tried herbal remedies to no avail.

Possible trigger:

I've rushed to this forum as I am trying to save myself and only just minutes ago I planned to end myself.

I am pathetic that I can't even muster up the courage to do it. My worry is that I will manage it one day soon and I won't be able to stop myself.

Sorry for rambling on. I just needed somewhere to open my heart. There is no one that wants to listen and no one can really help.

[Dern]

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~Mary Engelbreit

Welcome, NoMoreMeNow. It is amazing what a person can do if he/she wants to.

You are grieving about your perceived failure. While no one may help you get the money back, there is professional help for the shame manifestly distorting your thinking.

The choice is yours.

[vital]

Originally Posted by NoMoreMeNow

...
Sorry for rambling on. I just needed somewhere to open my heart. There is no one that wants to listen and no one can really help.

Hi NoMoreMeNow,

I hope and suspect that you have fresh air to breath now, food to eat, you can see, hear, feel, taste and touch things. When I feel bad, I live in my senses for a while and in the present moment. In your place, the first thing I would do is tons of exercise and going for looooooong walks.

Many many people have been where you are and have gone on to be just fine. In fact, sometimes people have sudden breakthroughs when thoughts like what you are having now become intolerable. A good question from Eckart Tolle about situations like this is "What is the problem NOW" (not 10 minutes from now, but exactly now). He wants you to live in the now, where everything is actually OK. Many of the kind and helpful people on this site say things like "I'm sorry about your challenges". There is wisdom in these words, because once you totally accept the current state of affairs, you'll find that you can move on and even be inspired by facing whatever comes next in your life.

You might find these notes helpful:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

It takes a little practice, but there is something in those notes that can let you escape from the thoughts that are tormenting you right now.

- vital

[Fuzzybear]

[francisR]

hi NoMoreMeNow

Suicide is definitely not the answer as it would totally ruin the lives of your family and friends and you don't want to do that. I'm sorry you have this crippling debt. But perhaps the best solution would be to declare bankruptcy and start over again financially.
I am sorry that the herbal medication is not working. Perhaps seeing the Dr. or psychiatrist for medication would be best. Have you tried seeing a counselor or therapist to help you with these problems?

I do believe it is important to have a consuming passion for life. which could be a charitable cause, or something that fired you up in earlier times. that would always give you a reason to go on and make a difference. I hope and pray everything gets better for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis