[josephpawlin]

I'm a 15 year old girl. I do a bunch of things, like sing and dance in my school's show choir, but mostly I've lost interest in everything. I have my good days and my bad days. Today was a bad day. My choir director told everyone that we'd be going to Disney World this spring, and while everyone else got excited,

Possible trigger:

all I could think about was cutting. I left to do it 5 minutes later.

It sucks because I want to be happy, and I'm trying, but I', kind of an attention ***** and my parents (understandably) think I'm faking it all, but I'm sinking, and I don't want to be like this forever, like it has been.
I've been like this on and off since 4th grade, when my biological mother left. I kind of stepped up to the plate and took over being mom, at least for a little while, until my Dad met my (now adoptive) mother. She's cool, but we fought for 2 years before I broke down and was about ready to

Possible trigger:

kill myself when they found my diary and took me to the hospital. Ever since then it's been a week-by-week thing; but recently I started cutting again and it helps me stop having all these feelings and lets me just focus on the pain.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do; nothing seems to work for me, because I either lose interest or I forget to do something

Possible trigger:

when I'm about to cut. I just want to feel the pain, you know?

Or am I just completely crazy?

[francisR]

hi Josephpawlin

I'm sorry you are having these problems. Perhaps you would like to consider getting some medication from the doctor to help with the depression. The school counselor might be able to help you or to refer you to a therapist who could help you with your problems. Meanwhile do try to keep your mind busy doing especially enjoyable things to take it away from feeling bad. You are definitely not crazy just depressed. I hope and pray everything gets much better for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[josephpawlin]

I'm really worried to tell my parents because I know they'll think I'm just faking it for depression; it's happened before. If I go to a school they'll just call my parents and I'll be back at square one. I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

[Fizzyo]

Sorry you have so much going on for you at the moment. You are very strong continuing to do all the things you do in spite of feeling so bad.
I have heard on another forum there may be somewhere you can go confidently.... Try google?
You can always phone a helpline in your area, I don't know what is in USA but there are organisations where people will listen and let you talk things through. Maybe try one of them, or a suicide prevention helpline. They won't judge you and you may find it helpful to talk to someone in confidence, they won't even know who you are but they do care. Can anyone else give details?

[francisR]

hi Josephpawlin

As has been suggested talking to a helpline would enable you to get some help. Google ones for the US and that will bring one up. If your parents think you are faking it just ask them to put the matter to the test by allowing you to see a therapist and going on the therapist opinion. I really hope and pray everything gets much better for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[vital]

Originally Posted by josephpawlin

I'm really worried to tell my parents because I know they'll think I'm just faking it for depression; it's happened before. If I go to a school they'll just call my parents and I'll be back at square one. I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

Hi joseph,

There are some healthy things you can try on your own that aren't going to hurt anything, but if you keep feeling bad and if you keep having an urge to hurt yourself, I really think you should tell your parents and find a good therapist to talk to.

These notes might help

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and I always like what this guy has to say:

6 Strategies to Eliminate Depression - Dr. Mark Hyman

- vital

[josephpawlin]

Thanks, guys, this is really helpful. I'm trying really hard to be happy, if not for me then for my little siblings. I don't want them to hurt anymore because of me.
I'll try what ya'll suggested, and see if it does anything.