[fijiisland]

I really think my parents caused my depression. they were (and still are) very controlling. I was taught that everything is bad and I can do nothing right.

I was fearful of everything. On top of all this I am a very sensitive person so I think it all hit me harder. I had selective mutism in elementary school. I had panic disorder in my 20's. I have never had many friends. I feel I have missed out on everything.

Now, I am older and feel even worse. I have no control over my life and feel as if everyone is mean to me and no one understands. I take antidepressants just to deal with people who make me mad. If they weren't around me I wouldn't need to take pills!!!

I was always bored as a child and told just to "be still". I couldn't show any anger, if anything about sex came on television the channel would be changed and everyone would get red embarrassed faces.

I am a very complex person. but sometimes I wish I had never been born. I have amounted to nothing in my life. With different parents I would probably be rich and famous

[Calamity Jane.]

I hear you. I really hate that phrase ''be still'' and I can identify with your other comments too.

[IrisBloom]

It's easy for parents to make mistakes. Some are just negligence, others can be malicious. I found myself confused about a lot of things. When I first went to therapy and started figuring things out, I found I had a lot of good qualities that I liked, and tried to focus on them rather than my damage. I will never be free of my depression (doing well on meds tho) but it or they(parent's mistakes) will not stop me from being a person that I like.

[Fizzyo]

[vonmoxie]

Well, in addition to unfortunate mistakes of parenting as well as downright crimes in some cases, they're also the origin of all our genetic code, so in a sense it's almost impossible for them to escape any culpability at all.

I can tell looking at photos of my dad when he was young that something bad was happening to him.. there's a look in his eye that I recognize, one of knowing too much at a very young age, just like I did. Doesn't mean I can ever quite forgive him for passing his pain along to me, but in a sense it does call attention to the fact that the "cause" is not really him but a larger and more terrible cycle of human condition that has probably gone on for many generations. He was the vessel and for me the executor, but not the cause. The best I can do is break the cycle myself, which I have, and probably at considerable cost to myself. It might have been far simpler to continue on in a fog, taking my pain out on yet others, but for me my biggest objective in life has been to ensure that I don't. I'm not a perfect person, but I am a massive improvement on what my parents were.

[MelancholicArtist]

Wow, I can relate on so many levels. Almost the exact same story as mine.
If there is a chance to break loose, take it. Just make sure none of it prevents you from being whoever you'd like to be for good. I wish you the best!

[connect.the.stars]

I can relate to having controlling parents who hammer in everything I should be doing...not what I actually want to decide for myself. And I know they mean well, it's just not the life that I am happy with that I partake in every day of my life. It's like I am a puppet and someone else pulling the strings. Because I am conditioned to fear doing anything that is not approved of. I know that I can't blame my parents for everything, they are only human too. But I totally understand that train of thought where it's like "well if I had been born into another family, would I still have ended up like this?" Maybe there would be something else I'd have to complain about... I am honestly scared of being a parents because it seems like it is so easy to do everything wrong. And I sure as hell don't want to put my child through this same pain of living every day knowing that I am not really living even though I am still breathing and eating.