not a clue..

I'm not really sure what is going on. I'm confused about life. My brother has just become a dad and it all seems so surreal to me. I don't know how to explain it..it's like of course I know where babies come from but at the same time it doesn't make sense to me... Feel stupid for even saying that.

Hmm that wasn't even what I came here to say. Just having a bad day I guess. I can sense I'm heading back to that place that ends up with me in hospital. But I don't really want to do anything about it. Trying to plan things out to make it stop once and for all. I'm fed up with being stopped all the time and ending up in hospital instead. So I need to polish my mask and act ok until I'm ready to do it.

This post is probably pointless. I'm not even sure what I am trying to say. Just everything is a confused mess in my head right now.

Hi hiddensecret: I do think it can be difficult sometimes to see people we are close to in a new light. I imagine it's like when you see someone in a new setting you've only seen previously in some other setting & you don't recognize them at first in the new setting. Does that make sense?

I'm so sorry you are continuing to struggle. I sense some desperation in your post. I hope that you can, in some way, reach out to someone IRL for the support you need. Please also keep posting... your post is not pointless...

Does it always happen that when you have this particular set of feelings you end up in the hospital, or have there been instances where you've had these feelings and not ended up in the hospital?

Confusion can be weird, annoying and stressful, but it's "OK" to be confused.

Yeah I'm pretty sure I've always ended up in hospital when I feel this way. At least for the last few years anyway. Either due to making an attempt or trying to prevent me from doing anything... Not really sure how to change it.

Take care.

I don't have the words to persuade you that things can change for the better and that you won't always be stuck in this horrible cycle. There are many people who have been where you are and have then come to terms with their feelings. I believe that you can be one of them.

OK; you know your patterns. Do you have anyone who you can alert that you are in the initial stages of a potentially unsafe spiral? Or, would alerting anyone result in semi-automatic hospitalization? Does anyone have an interest in keeping you out of the hospital?

No need to answer these questions here. Ideally (), it would be great if you had a resource person with good knowledge of the system in your area and awareness of the full spectrum of treatment options.