[jakers59]

I sometimes ask myself why I'm still here. Everything has gone downhill in every part of my life. My mental and physical health, my desire to do anything, my hopes and dreams, my family situation, have all gone downhill and haven't come back up. I barely even have the mental energy to write this thread. I honestly just want to lie down and do nothing. My depression/ocd/ social anxiety and body dysmorphia is affecting every part of my life and I've suffered for so long that I feel like I've gone too far to change, my parents say if I don't do anything that nothing will change, well no s***. That's the problem in the first place, I want to change but I don't want to at the same time because it's really hard, seems next to impossible sometimes. Everything, even small tasks, require large amounts of mental and physical effort and I have hardly any energy, even though I sleep fine every night. It affects every part of my life. My physical health, social life, sleep, energy levels, ability to assert myself, ability to do a good job at work, my ability to remember things and go to school, my ability to achieve my goals, my ability to attract a woman and have a relationship, and my overall happiness and satisfaction in life. I'm 20 years old and I already feel like my life is over, I have no one in my life, my family doesn't care about me anymore, I have no friends, never had a girlfriend, sex, first kiss, held hands, anything, I'm a pathetic virgin loser who is too scared to talk to anyone and get rejected, so I'm in like the .01 percentile at this point, I suck at every job I've had, which is like 7, and I can't be assertive or know what other people want, which has gotten me in trouble multiple times, and im just ready to throw in the towel and quit, it's too hard and it takes too much time, motivation, and painful, uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to get through it.

[Skeezyks]

Hello jakers59: I'm sorry you're struggling so. Hopefully you have some mental health professionals in your life who can try to help you find your way out of your despair. I'm not going to offer any suggestions here. I suspect you've heard them all. I would simply like to send some warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find that center of deep peace that resides within each of us...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello jakers59: I'm sorry you're struggling so. Hopefully you have some mental health professionals in your life who can try to help you find your way out of your despair. I'm not going to offer any suggestions here. I suspect you've heard them all. I would simply like to send some warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find that center of deep peace that resides within each of us...

You are valuable and worthwhile

As little as three weeks ago I was in such despair I was about to go to the hospital. Several wins against my anxiety in a short time completely pulled me together and I feel hopeful again. It sounds silly, but the first was as simple as walking to my pharmacy in the middle of the night. With few people on the road and no one else in the store I experienced no anxiety for the first time in ages. Then I put myself through two ocassions where I was in crowds of thousands. It was difficult - but I did it. Then I got a few tools from my therapist. All in the space of a week. My life has really turned around. Being able to do something I thought I couldn't added hope to my life. And that is what is missing in Depression

[emijec]

Hi Jaker,

I'm sorry you're going through this crap depression. It is the ultimate catch-22. You don't want to do anything but lay in bed all day but the only way that you can get better is to do things and interact but you can't because you're depressed. I don't think that it's all internal though. I think that the economy is a bust so there's no motivation to go out there and get one because there really aren't any. The ones that are available pay you crap and managers take advantage because they know demand for jobs are high. Technology has made us disconnected. No one talks to each other anymore, no one wants to interact. So of course we don't meet anyone new. If I go to a starbucks or another coffee shop, everyone is on their laptop or phone. I'm in my car waiting for the light to turn green I look down at other cars, people on their phone. Even dating is all online now. The online dating world is so superficial. You have to look perfect in the photo or else you get ignored. And most of the people I've met have baggage. But that's because I'm 33 and they're around my age so they're the leftovers from our 20's dating scene.

If you focus on small stuff like brushing your teeth, taking a shower, if you're in bed all day just sitting up in your bed for a few minutes. Start with that and build on it. That's what I did. I'm still depressed but I'm not afraid of the daunting task of taking a shower. Sometimes the sadness and shame comes in because I think wow look at you such a winner with this whole depression thing. can't even take a shower ... but I quickly shoot that down and just say, it's another thing on your list you have to do it and I just jump in.

You're 20 and still super young. All of the things that you want to do and experience will come in one way or another. You have almost a whole decade to find out who you are and what you want in life, who you want in life. I'm so sorry that you're going through this at your age. I hope that you are getting the appropriate treatment. I know anti-depressants are a mixed blessing but they do help at least get you going to go back to your routine.

It seems like the world is going on a downward spiral and along with our personal experiences, everything mixed in, it's no wonder we are depressed.

[EnglishDave]

Hi Jakers,

I believe you do need support at some level to get you in a positive mindset and to work on your motivation. Counselling would be the first step to becoming well.

As for your (naturally perceived) Social and Professional issues, you are only 20, experience in lifeskills for you are still to be learned and earned. Do not worry unduly, for every day you spend at work, truly apply yourself and the work will become easier, respect will be earned and confidence will grow.

The same applies to your Personal life. You need to put less pressure on yourself, involve yourself with Social Groups that interest you - sports, photography, anything tangible that involves interaction. Relationships will evolve organically as you gain more social skills - do not beat yourself up over it.

I am sure you are in a position where, with the right guidance and effort, your youthfulness will stand you in good stead to make a full recovery.

Take control of your life, live, enjoy,

Dave.