Isolated Myself

I've isolated myself.

The psychiatrist, an MD, actually blew me off because I told him to fix his billing problems with the insurance company and let me know if I owe him before I make my next appointment. I think I probably over paid him. The doctor is more dysfunctional than me! I've had it with mental health professionals.

I'm a severely depressed patient, and the doctor blows me off! Ridiculous!

I am ending the abusive relationship with my mother after yet another blow out fight.

My marriage is a nightmare.

I am so depressed I have no desire to do anything. I stay home crying all day. I am praying for somelthing to help me out of this self-imposed prison.

I am trying to just tough it out, no meds, no self medicating, fighting the urge to SH (I'm not a cutter, but hit myself out of frustration- argh, so embarrassing).

I don't know what to do. I just don't have the strength to divorce my husband. I don't have any faith in doctors and therapists anymore.

I guess it'll just be a few years more until I can just pack my bags and leave because the last child will be grown.

I wish I knew what I can do to help myself. I'd go take myself to the hospital, but I'm not suicidal. What would they do for me?

Shame and curses on my husband who IS a medical professional and lets me suffer like this.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of pent up anger that is starting to leak out in all the wrong ways. I think you have done the wrong thing in stopping all treatment-but I also think you know that already. You neee something or someone that can help you work through your anger so you can then work through the other issues you may have. Your anger is what is overpowering you to the point you hit yourself and choose to blow up at your doctors due to an opinion you have regarding the bill - that can be worked out but it takes your cooperation as much as his. Anger is just as crippling as sadness if it goes to an extreme level - but it can be taken care of IF you are willing to do so, do you see a need to do so - and are you willing to try?

You're right about me being very angry and needing help.

I didn't blow up at the doctor. He really messed up his own billing with the insurance company, then while I had my appointment, instead of billing insurance like he was supposed to, he was asking me for full payment for each appointment instead of the amount the insurance was paying him. It was a mess. It was only logical for me to very nicely say that he needed to fix that problem and then I would return for more appointments. I never heard back from him.

I know it's hard, but why do you need to wait until your kids grow up to leave your marriage? You would be modeling strength to them.

TishaBuv, I understand your frustration and anger with the medical billing system. Take it as a sign you are to see a different T one who cares. And be optomistic about it. You cannot sweat it out on your own. You need the medicines, you need to vent and the monitoring of a professional to balance your meds and progress. Do it for you, for no other reason but yourself. Never mind your husband's ineptness, just focus on your needs selfishly and ask for what you need. Don't give up, you have come this far. Good luck. tc

I understand, Tisha I could've written about being sick of mental health professionals and also being in a marriage and not feeling like I have the strength to leave. I think it can be a slower process than we would like....I have really good days and then some bad like anyone else, I guess. But I do get the frustrations and anger....and isolating yourself. I've found some help in 12 step meetings before...hang in there

When this last doctor's help fell through, is when I started writing here on PC. What a long, strange trip it's been.

I liked this last doctor. He was a nice man, seemed genuinely caring. He only repeated everything I said and then he actually remembered all the things I said in prior sessions. I thought "You poor man, I can't even stand hearing myself say these things, how you must feel having to repeat them!". I don't think the talk therapy helped anyway. I've taken many meds and none of them helped either. He would say 'Try this' for new, more serious meds, but I was too scared of the potentially really bad side effects.

It's so confusing because:
My issues are with a couple of people who really are difficult.
I don't know if there's really an underlying diagnosis that is causing the problems.

Yes, I am too sensitive, and I'm sure I have intimacy issues. Yes, I really did go through some trauma. The frustration and anger has manifested into major depression and self-hatred during these 'episodes'.

I know we're all struggling and looking for answers here. Thanks.

Ok, then perhaps look for a new doctor who deals specifically with anger management problems (for now) ?

Hi TishaBuv, My suggestion is to find a peer-led support group (NAMI Connection is excellent) and go.

I checked it out, thanks.

What I'm afraid of with local peer groups is I live in a place where everybody knows each other.

I had tried a peer group before, in a few towns over. One woman there was talking about her divorce from someone I knew and the woman he had cheated with, also someone I knew. After the session, I told the therapist that I knew who she was talking about and didn't feel comfortable. The woman in the group would have been very embarrassed if she knew I knew.

I just got prescribed Cymbalta yesterday by my Rhumatologist to help with arthritis and depression. I'll give it a shot.

You might want to be cautious about NAMI. The majority of their funding apparently comes from pharma companies

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nation...Mental_Illness

- vital

You don't have to be experiencing psychois or be suicidal to visit the hospital. You can go there in anytime of crisis. They can help you; offer support, get you stable, make changes to your medication, and then send you home. This is generally what they do most of the time to a patient who presents themself at the emergency. It's not very often that doing so will result in a stay.

I think it's great that you're trying to cope with your issues without meds.

Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.

I just gave in and am trying Cymbalta. But I wonder if I didn't have the people in my life that cause me this grief, would I have depression? Am I taking meds to cope with a couple of A-holes?

I have a couple of people who could just disappear and my life would be easier but I know I would still have medical issues. But anger and depression would most likely all but disappear.