[doggiedo]

Could use some support here gang. Been feeling down in the dumps about my body image and job and stuff.

I got a new job and it's not challenging at all. I have a masters degree and working on my Ph.D. currently so I need a challenge and I need to feel like I'm making a difference. I just go to work and fill my time with going on the Internet and getting some school work done. It's terribly boring. I know some people would die for that type of job, but I feel like I have no use in life.

Then I come home and just exist. I used to come home and do homework but now that I get that done during the day, there isnt much else to do. I have my dog and live with my boyfriend, but he's a homebody too.

Not to mention he's having a hard time with work, he currently has a temp job but it's not gaurenteed forever. His boss said he's trying to hire him permanently but who knows. He travels an hour to and from work. He's always tight on cash and it puts pressure on me. Idk.

And I've never felt this bad about how I look. I know it's distorted but still. I just hate myself so much. Isn't that what they say depressing is? Hatred turned inward? It's kind of the perfect storm....

[EnglishDave]

Hi Doggiedo,

Is there nothing you can do at work to make it more interesting? If not, then you are in the wrong place, no matter how convenient it is to get your school work done while you are there. You need to move to a position where your mental abilities are stretched, where you feel a sense of worth and enjoyment before this job drives your Mood down further. Of course, I expect your current daily activities there would be frowned upon if your Superiors were to find out.

As for how you are perceiving yourself at the moment, try looking at yourself through your boyfriend's eyes. I am sure he sees you in a favourable light, think on that.

Dave.

[Skeezyks]

Hi doggie... I have some sense of how you're feeling. I'm "retired" at this point. (I hadn't worked for probably 15 years or so & finally just aged into my retirement years.) Anyway, I also feel like I have no purpose in life. Well... actually... I not only feel it... in point of fact that's actually the way it is. I'm just taking up space in the world at this point. It can be difficult to not let this taint every aspect of one's life. I have to work at it consciously each & every day.

I celebrate the fact that you have your Masters Degree & you're working on your Ph.D. ... way to go! From what you wrote, it sounds like your situation is difficult at the present time. But, hopefully, you can bring into focus a bright future ahead! I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that it might be so...

Doggiedo, I love your avatar. Cute everyone posting so far is dogs. Relationships have a way of weighing on us whether we know it or not. Sounds like you have empathy for your bf and it is carrying over onto the way you are caring for yourself. You need to pray for him and let it go... place it in God's hands. Stop worrying about him and work on yourself. You owe it to yourself to take pride in who you are. Your beauty can be the enhancement he needs after a stressful day at work. Or just fixing the apt up into a nice little haven for the two of you after a long day at work. It is the little things we do that can alleviate the pressures we bring home with us. And tell yourself that you are a wonderful unique person and love yourself for being you. Things will get better, just believe it first. tc

[doggiedo]

Thanks guys. Evening time is so much worse for me that in the morning. I just read your posts last night and although I was really fearful to see someone responded, I just felt like crawling in bed and crying.

I do believe my BF will figure his job stuff out on his own but it doesn't help me not worry. I wish I had more faith omega. Thanks for the pic compliment. That dog looks just like my dog actually. Little kids call him the Lady and the Tramp dog, lol.

Anyhow, my job is going to pick up in late Dec. I work with students at risk so it's not until finals time and grades in which we are really busy. They wait, u know, until things are too late. I am going to talk to my boss today, especially bc he's leaving to go on vacation for 3 weeks starting next Fri. We get about 4 weeks a year so we might as well take it when it's slow. At any rate, I don't want to be without a project for that long.

I know I should be proud of getting my PhD, but I'm not as challenged. My dissertation proposal is due next week and I'm way ahead of the game. I have 5 assignments due at the end of the semester and I only have one left to complete. I'm bored. Rediculous to say, I know! What am I going to do when I don't have class in Dec and early Jan???

EnglishDave- yes my supervisorpr prob would frown on my activities but I do work in the education field so getting my terminal degree and working on stuff at work isn't that out of the norm for my fried. I do still feel bad. I am still looking at other job opportunities if they come along. I also volunteered to be part of the leadership team on a professional organization, in hopes that will boost my resume and experience while also keeping me busy and giving me something to enjoy. It also helps our office/school look good.

I do appreciate he feedback. I ate better yesterday and then at night I got these pumpkin donut holes from the local bakery for my BF as a dessert. I ate 12 of the 18 in the package. He was like- where the heck did they go? I just said I ate them. He gave me a look like, really hunny? Not that he wanted them but that he knows how I feel about myself and he knows that won't help. So I said yea, but I ate wel all day. He said "well u didn't bc u ate a whole container of donut holes." I caved. I was really upset even tho he didn't mean it to be mean. Now all I want to do is never eat again. To show him I do have will power. I can't though. I know that. I used to struggle with restricting about 8-9 years ago...got down to the point where I got really sick and was underweight. I wanna be there again. I hate this body and I hate everything about myself.

[EnglishDave]

Your boyfriend made a thoughtless comment re your eating, no man should ever be stupid enough to do that! Yet the last thing you need is to take it to heart and want to make yourself ill again.

In the 2 1/2 years from September 2012, I put on about 60lbs due to Depression and side effects of Mirtazapine. This year, I decided to do something about it after a fall had me breaking my ribs under my own weight! All I am doing is counting calories, cutting junk and being supported by friends on our Sister Site, NeuroTalk. It is working, is healthy as it is sustained and in moderation and is the one thing that raises my self-esteem.

If you have had eating issues before, and think your mindset may be slipping that way again, please address it before it becomes a health problem. Do mention to your boyfriend how hurtful and potentially damaging his comment was.

Dave.