[Evaluna]

Last night I felt incredibly lonely and wished just one person knew about what I was going through. For years I've been needing to tell just one person how I really feel but I've never had the courage to do it. I've always just had to keep up the pretence that I'm fine. For months I've been wanting to speak to a friend and confide but I was too embarrassed.

So in my incredible wisdom/stupidity I decided to just text all my friends and tell them what's going on. Just get it all over and done with. Everyone knows and perhaps I don't have to hide so much.

Only now I feel like a complete idiot. Why did I do that???? I've had support from everyone but I just feel so ridiculous. I can't take it back now and the stress of it all is killing me.

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[Frankbtl]

Evaluna

I'd say that it was an incredibly brave thing you did so please try not to "beat yourself up" for it
There can be a side of depression all about "negative self thoughts", "feelings of worthlessness", "self blame/feeling at fault/feeling weak for not being able to do/to feel........." so why perpetuate that by feeling ashamed or embarrassed by not letting someone else close to you/a friend/friends know??
Depression shouldn't be anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.
Depression doesn't mean you're a weak person (there are some incredibly strong people out there suffering from depression!!), it doesn't have to mean that you're at fault, it doesn't have to mean that you're to blame for it
Sure it might mean that some extra support from friends might help you (might help you a lot!!), but if you'd e.g. had an accident then you wouldn't feel as embarrassed about asking for some extra support then right??? And you didn't ask for the problems going on with the depression either
And you know, that's what friends should be about...........extending understanding/support when it's needed, about being there for each other............just like I'm guessing you've done for them too, right??
And if some of those friends back away, can't "get it", misjudge you, then that's about their weakness.........if you can get the support of at least one true friend in this, then that really is the least you deserve. But regardless, SO WELL DONE on speaking up about it!!!
True respect!!!
And maybe you have inspired someone else on here to speak up to someone who can really matter to them about what's going on for them too
Really hope it goes well with your/any of your friends but you'll definitely find people on here who are here for you too.



Alison

[IrisBloom]

I understand why you did that. I understand why you feel like a fool. I also know that today is a new day. You got positive feedback from your friends. I'd say in general it was a good thing. Don't worry about it now.

[Evaluna]

Alison your reply just actually brought tears to my eyes. You're right, I wouldn't think twice about giving help to anyone who needed it and I shouldn't feel that I'm burdening people but I do. I don't want to, but I can't control that.

Just thank you, so much xxx

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[Frankbtl]

Alison your reply just actually brought tears to my eyes. You're right, I wouldn't think twice about giving help to anyone who needed it and I shouldn't feel that I'm burdening people but I do. I don't want to, but I can't control that.

Just thank you, so much xxx

You're MORE THAN welcome Evaluna!!!
And it can be natural not to want to feel like you're "burdening" people........after all you know how heavy the weight you're carrying is, and you may feel like you'd be putting that on others, but some of that weight can sometimes ease when you just let out how you're feeling to someone who cares.........
And you know, sometimes one of the really treasured things you can do for friends can be to let them know you do need them, you're willing to trust them enough to share the parts that hurt with them, and if they come through for you letting them know how much you appreciate them.
Sometimes it's the harder times you go through together and share that can make friendships even stronger.
So even if they're not able to say "the right words" (sometimes there aren't any "right words") if any of them are at least able to give you a little comfort/be there for you..........then allow yourself that, you not only deserve it but it may be something they would really want to be doing for you too.
So........ultimately, I wouldn't say you were "burdening them" you're more showing them how much their friendship matters to you.
You've taken a big step, try to be really proud of yourself for that.



Alison