A Promise

With thanksgiving in November, my wife's birthday in early December, then Xmas, & new year I made a promise to myself that I would hold on through the holidays. I was at a New Year's eve party at my church tonight & the closer it got to midnight the more I felt my mental state deteriorating. I normally work the night shift so it had nothing to do with being tired. Now that the new year is here I don't know how much longer I can survive. I tried to unplug this weekend and not get on Facebook or this message board or text yet here I am. I don't even know why I'm posting this.
Hospitals are for those that want to live. I don't know if I want to or not. The more I think about it the worse I feel.

I'm so sorry you are struggling. It's the depression talking and telling you you don't want to live. Go to the hospital. Once they get your depression in check then you will be glad to be alive. Depression brings such negative thoughts. It's hard to see through them when you are depressed. Good luck to you.

Congratulations on holding it together over the whole time you did.

I'm sorry you feel life is so bleak now. It is a reaction I recognise in myself, especially when I have aimed for a date to hold myself together and then by doing that almost have permission to feel what I really feel afterwards. It often feels like all the bad stuff you would have felt all that time jumps on me at once!!!

I would appeal to you to hang on, if you still feel this low, phone your local helpline or suicide crisis line, what ever you have, you do deserve to and they won't judge you, in my experience the volunteers are only too happy that someone in distress has phoned them and gained support.

In the mean time, keep posting here. People here do care and value you as an individual.

People here have helped me through some dark times and I hope you get as much encouragement from this community as I have.

❤️

I have thought about calling my local crisis hotline before, but in the end always talk myself out of it. Having volunteered there before I know basically all they can do is listen. They aren't allowed to give advice. So in the end what's the point of calling?

A listening ear has often helped me to find strength to continue for a bit longer, and, eventually I did change and feel a little more myself.
(I worked in healthcare, so I understand how a knowledge of the system may make you feel reluctant to use it).

It's not a cure, but what do you have to lose? It's so tempting to talk yourself out of calling, I have done it too, but when I did they always left me calmer.
A burden shared may not be lighter, but may be easier to tolerate for a little longer.


Ps thank you from the bottom of my heart for being one of those volunteers.

How about my freedom? If they can figure out where I am they will send the police to take me to a mental hospital against my will.