afraid to be in a relationship because depressed

Another update; had a confusing talk with my pastor this evening. I will be meeting D in about 3 weeks. Now, my pastor is telling me, don't be upset if nothing happens when you meet him. Also, he said D has been hurt before in relationships with females, in that the relationship did not go the way D wanted it to. So D has been hurt in the past, does that mean I don't have a chance with him?

Also, D asked Pastor about my political and theological beliefs. Pastor told him he did not know. I explained my beliefs to my pastor, and I am liberal, and it turns out that D is liberal, also.

Also, my pastor then contradicted himself, and said, he wouldn't have me attend this conference, if he didn't think that I would hit it off with D. (in other words, start dating him). Pastor also said he could see I had already fallen for D.

I am so upset about this... it is because of the pastor, that I decided to investigate D and learn about him, from listening to his sermons to watching some videos and reading his facebook page, and in that process, I have developed feelings for him. I'm not sorry I did, either. But I can't understand why my pastor is backtracking, and saying things that make me think I won't have a relationship with D.

I needed to vent about this, thanks for listening

It does not mean you don't have a chance. It just means he may be slower to open upto you and he may be more guarded. Just be patient.

You can vent any time.

Another update, please read: I went on a dinner date with D last night and we talked for about 2 hours. He asked me a lot of questions, about my family, my job, my music. I also told him about caregiving for my parents and my grief process. I did not get to ask him many questions, though I did ask about his nieces and music background. When we were done eating, I said, "can I stay in touch with you on facebook" and he said, "sure". I was feeling let down because he did not ask to see me again. When I left, he smiled and said he would see me around the conference. When I went back to my hotel, I could not stop smiling about this date.

Tonight at the conference, I was standing at a table eating with my church members and D walked up and said he wanted to join us. He said 'how are you?' to me, and I said, good. Then he proceeded to talk to my minister and lay leader. When we were alone for a minute, I asked him how his day was and he asked me about mine. Then when he left a bit later, he said to me "good to see you again."

So now I am crying, and trying to figure out if he does want a friendship with me or not. I don't know what to do. I want to know if it is promising, that we talked for so long on the date, and if it is a good sign that he came to our table tonight.

To me (as a guy) it sounds like everything went well. Just give it time. Did he accept your Facebook friend request? That should be a big indicator. Just give it time seems like he is still truing to get to know you.

Thank you....I was already friends with him on facebook before we met in person. I want to send him a message after conference, telling him that I enjoyed meeting him and that I would like to get together with him again.

You should do that. Sometimes we men need a gentle push to get going. That doesn't mean run us over with a steam roller Sending him a message after the conference suggesting you meet again us a good idea. As much as you would want to rush home and do it immediately I would suggest waiting a day or 2. If he sends a message before that even better, but if he doesn't don't worry.
It sounds like it is going good and I hope it continues that way.

Another update: I told my pastor that I wanted to message this guy, D, and he told me not to do it and that he would not respond....and he won't tell me why. So I think that my pastor must know something about D and I am really hurt and angry right now. What is happening?? Why can't I message this guy if I want to?

ok, never mind...now my pastor said D didn't reject me, he was very busy. Also my pastor said I could message him. And the pastor said he is staying out of this now.

That's good all around. I think it is best he step back now. There is no longer a need for a "middle man".

Another update:
I need to expand upon what happened at the table on Thursday night. D did ask me "how are you" and I said, good, and then he proceeded to talk to another person at the table (C, a person he knew from the past) the rest of the time he was there. When the other person left the table, he and I were alone. He did not say anything to me, so I said, How was your day and He said, he was keeping busy as agenda coordinator and he asked, how was your day and I said good. then he said, I'm going to go sit down now, it was good to see you again. So I felt like he was afraid to talk to me or something.

He was not "afraid" to talk to you. It seems to me he was unsure of what to say to you. He is still trying to get to know you so it is only natural to talk and converse with those you know. I implore you not to read into this too much. You will only make things worse for yourself. Just let it play out. If it works out great, if not oh well you can move on.

thank you for your reply...I am worried because all the females I have talked to, keep telling me that he is not interested in me as more than a friend, based on what I have told them that happened between him and me.

That may be true. I don't know everything. If he doesn't want to be more than friends that is just fine. At this point just let things play out. You 2 are not dating so you are free to date other men just like he is free to date other women. It is just fine to have some interest in him at this point. Just don't let it get to be too much because if he doesn't feel the same as you do it will really hurt you.

Another update: I did send him a message about a week after the conference, saying I enjoyed having dinner with him and would like to keep in touch and that I was praying for him. He responded by saying, Thanks, I'm busy packing, did you enjoy the conference. And I sent a short reply, saying I liked the conference and music. He has moved to his new residence during first week of July. I have not heard from him since then, and my counselor wants me to send him a message, asking him if he would like to meet me for lunch, in a town between his residence and my residence. She wants me to do this, to see if he is interested in seeing me or not. I am scared to do this, because I am afraid of rejection. I am hoping he is just shy, and waiting for me to make a move, but I don't know. I just needed to talk about this. Thanks for listening.

Ok, this is sad..I send him a message a few days ago, asking him how he was doing, and he saw the message but has not responded. And he has been active on facebook. I am hurt that he obviously he is not interested in communicating with me at all. I did give it my best shot, in person. I am trying to deal with the hurt from this. I'm not sorry I met him but I am sorry he is too immature to even reply to a simple message or to give me any sort of explanation at all. Thanks for listening.

Ok, I need to vent about this situation. My counselor asked me if the female pastor who said I wasn't good enough for this guy, might know something about this guy and why we would not be compatible. Uh, NO, the female pastor who is no longer a friend of mine, was being emotionally abusive. Jeez!! I am hurting enough from the rejection of this guy. My male platonic friend, B, said that this guy, D, is not worth it, if he won't try to communicate with me, and I agree. Ok, I am done venting for now....

I agree with B. He's not worth it.