[Christina86]

(trigger just in case because i dont wanna hurt anyone)

I made a post in General saying I was back and now I'm not so sure. People looked at it, but maybe i'm not wanted anymore. I know i'm whiney and selfcentred and hard to put up with. I'm so sorry.

Hard time lately. Felt abandoned and not wanted by my friends. Silly reasons. Thought they were ignoring me.

Stressed out over school stuff and life stuff and money and my roomate and my family is still annoying me to pieces when they arent ignoring me

had a T appt today with the guy who was my T before he got certified in April. background session today to see whats been up with me, another appointment in 2 weeks. Long time but maybe I'll be fine.

Friends graduated last week, not feeling good about that. Abandonment issues and sadness all over again. Hate change so much. One friend came back, the guy who helped me to stop SI the first time, good that he's back because I missed him.

So spacey and unable to concentrate and remember stuff. Hard to take care of myself, need to but can't seem to find the willpower and strength. Just want to go to sleep until I feel better. thinking about bad stuff lately. like how nobody would miss me if I died. not suicidal, just not in a good spot emotionally right now.

Dont want to hurt anyone, so if I'm being a pest tell me and I'll go away. Nobody deserves hurt like me.



(edit to correct glaring spelling errors)

[Fuzzybear]

Dear Christina,

I don't want you to go away, and I'm sure nobody does. I didn't see your other post.

I would miss you very much if you went away (but I know the feelings of which you speak, they suck... )

Abandonment issues are huge for many people here, you aren't alone (((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))

PM me any time, ok,
love you,
Fuzzy

[Christina86]

I deleted my other post. Didnt want to bother anyone with my being emo. I'm too emo. blah

thanks ((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))) for just validating me. you're a wonderful friend to a cranky person like me.

[Direction]

Graduating friends suck...I always hated that part...I always felt like I was loosing a piece of me...

Been on the up, down, up, down, twist roller coaster ride...have had trouble reading and concentrating on any posts...up until about two hours ago...

[Christina86]

((((((((((((Direction)))))))))))))

I do feel like I'm losing a part of me ... one of those leaving is the guy I kinda have a thing for (talked about him a tiny bit on the forums in relationships a while back). he's not just graduating, he's leaving the bleeping COUNTRY. I may not like that very much... understatement.

I hope I'm feeling better soon ... it sucks to not have energy to even write this post. sorry for disjointedness.

thanks

[Direction]

I'm glad your writting...the guy one must be hard...I have a poor memory...did the two of you date...or more of a crush?

[Christina86]

Just a crush, not reciprocated.

Now I think it's even worse because he's like my best guy friend EVER. And he's leaving. Why do all the guys leave me? ... am I that bad?

[lenjan]

(((((Christina)))))) You're not a pest. As with so many others here, I've been thinking about you, but haven't PMd to say so -- sorry -- too wrapped up in my own shite, I guess. I'm often told I'm self-absorbed -- probably true.

Change definitely sucks. I'm failing miserably at the changes in my life right now, so am certainly no one to be giving advice about it. PM if you want to vent, though.

Love, Candy

[Direction]

That is a loss...what plans if any have the two of you made for communicating from such a long distance...

[Christina86]

(((((((((Candy)))))))))))))

Are not self-absorbed. People have their own lives, I know that. Just lonely.

Change does suck. Grrr change.

You are wonderful.

[Christina86]

He basically told me that he's the kind of person to leave and forget about the people he left behind. Sad thing is that I believe that.

I dont like this, not one bit. Especially since he KNOWS that I'm going to be a very very very miserable human being when he leaves. He knows me that well at least.

I just dont know if he cares. Oh well.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((( canders )))))))))))))))

I'm glad you're back. You're a beautiful soul.

I'm sorry you're lonely.

I understand...

KD

[Christina86]

(((((((((KD)))))))))))))

Thank you. I'm very glad to be back. You're an addictive bunch of people to be around. (Feeling a bit better now, actually decided to eat again today)

Thanks for understanding.

[ErinBear]

Hi Canders,

I'm glad you're here at PsychCentral, and I hope you'll stay here among us. I'm sorry this is such a difficult time, though....I've sometimes had feelings similar to the ones you are describing when there are a lot of tough things happening all at one time. I hope you'll keep writing here and sharing with us.

Thinking of you,
ErinBear

[kimmydawn]

Off topic...

ErinBear...it's good to see you back here as well!!!

KD

[kimmydawn]

Let me clarify

...I know you've been here but I've been dealing with alot here in real life and hadn't seen your posting in a while and wanted to say "hi".

KD

[Christina86]

Hey (((((((((((((ErinBear)))))))))))))) thanks

I'm glad you are here with us my sweet gentle friend!

((((((((((((((Canders))))))))))))))

[Meta]

(((((((canders))))))

Meta

[Direction]

"He basically told me that he's the kind of person to leave and forget about the people he left behind. Sad thing is that I believe that."

That's tough to hear...by basically did he use those words?

[Christina86]

thanks (((((((((((((time0)))))))))))))

I missed your wise words

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((Meta))))))))))))))

Thank you

[Christina86]

Oh yes. I was absolutely stunned. I don't think he realizes what he says can hurt people. He lacks ... social grace, would be the best word.

[Fuzzybear]

[Direction]

I'm so sorry Christina...I think you are right regarding him not realizing...