Depressive Realism

Just spent the last 15 minutes or so reading about this - and dear God is it depressing. So, I really am evil, horrible trash who doesn't deserve to live? Everything is horrible and will never get better? Everything is a lies, illusions, and covert slavery and there's no possible escape? Everyone is really out to get you and will destroy you at the slightest provocation? There is no happiness or calm that isn't an illusion or rely on complete stupidity?

I don't even consider myself especially optimistic but I have a hard time even believing this...I definitely don't know how to survive if this is reality, it's too horrifying. And forget anything in regard to myself...I deserve to die in the most painful, traumatic way possible if everything I think about myself is true. I definitely don't have any positive illusions - I know exactly how despicable and undeserving I am. I know my self-hate is rational and nothing short of perfection can cure it.

Someone writing about depressive realism explained thus: "If so, the concept of depression may—at least in some cases—be turned onto its head and positively redefined as something like ‘the healthy suspicion that modern life has no meaning and that modern society is absurd and alienating’." Except I was depressed long before someone explained this to me (I still don't see the "absurdity"), and what's most distressing is that there is no valid recovery. You are not allowed to find a way around this. Any positive perspective is a lie, or an illusion. If you are intelligent, you must be depressed at all times. It is literally WRONG to ever feel a sense of meaning, love, or peace, because anything other than misery is delusion. "If we were to experience the world exactly as it is, we'd be too depressed to get out of bed in the morning". Delusion is supposedly required to live and function - and that makes me enraged and disgusted. I can't keep living like this. I'm weak and disgusting and I don't know what to do.

Yet the writer continues with this: "Yet the question of the meaning of life is the most important question that a person can ask, and the realization that life might be lived differently is bound to provoke a depressive reaction, a harsh winter that yet may be followed by a beautiful spring." I already know there are alternatives, but are they valid? I've already stressed all this crap before, and gone partially numb to it. Otherwise, it makes me angry and painfully anxious, and just in so much hurt. I'm feeling it right now: what's the best way to live? How can I live free of reprehension? Hell if I know. I'm not sure if I'm even angry at the world for sucking or at myself for having to be shown that it sucks.

The annoying thing is that so many articles about DR have this tinge of "the mentally ill are superior because we see how things really are, unlike those weak, delusional normal people who need their silly, childish fantasies to survive". And that irritates me, because I certainly can't identify it. If I am realistic, all it does is kill me. It's just so backwards...especially considering measured and observed results that positive beliefs con often lead to positive outcomes. It just doesn't make sense...the "more accurate" view is more damaging? That shouldn't be right.

Dammit, I don't want to be pessimistic. I don't want to be optimistic either. And I never bought the "pessimism is realism" line. I'm someone who habitually lives disconnected from reality: only now that I spend so much time online am I even as aware of things. I still wasn't happy, but I was a bit calmer. I don't see myself as realistic in the least unless we're talking self-evaluation. I don't know **** about the outer world - it's terrifying. I'm something of an idealist and fantasist by nature, admittedly prone to magical thinking that I've basically been training out of myself because pride. I simply don't understand the "way things really are". I just don't understand it - what am I seeing, or missing? I don't know anymore. I'm not even sure where this post is going.

Supposedly even ideas like "life is what you make of it" and "you have to find your own meaning/purpose/value" are positive illusions, therefore bad and wrong. There's no way out...

What evidence do you have this is true? Consider what evidence this is not.

I'm still reading about it and some do doubt it. There was one bunch of analyses that only found a slight correlation in accuracy and depression - like, really slight. Others point out that the "accuracy" generally doesn't extend to more real-world things. Others try to show how positive bias actually is more helpful...otherwise there seems to be a bunch of clinical and anecdotal evidence that depressive, pessimistic people have a more realistic outlook on reality.

I fit the bill for people likely to experience the DR effect: mild-to-moderately depressed. But like I said, I can't relate to it well, aside from having few positive illusions about myself. Honestly, those stats that most people view themselves as better than average in certain ways seem...sketchy? I guess I have a hard time believing that the average person is so clueless or deluded as to think they're above average when they're clearly not. Surely self-reflection isn't that hard?

Ugh, sorry. If this is reality I can't deal with it. I hate myself for saying that, but it's true. I'm in pain dammit, and finding out I'm supposed to be in pain and that not being in pain is a sign of shallowness makes it worse. The thing is, I'm not a deep thinker or anything by nature. Any analytical abilities I might have now are artificial, acquired in an attempt to fit in with more intellectual types. Yet I've been depressed for years, mostly over my own self-image. And I'm utterly lost and this doesn't help. Actually, this concept is kind of a nightmare - even though I'm on the "better" side of it!

Here's an article about it; perhaps take a look at the comments too. Even eating disorders signal accurate body assessments! Reality is, by definition, hopeless and out of our control and any happiness or hope is delusion. The only thing I wonder about is...feelings. "If I try, even if I fail, I will have done something for myself and learned something, and I will feel better." This is delusional and wrong. And what about self-acceptance? If you consider the idea that there is, objectively, universally, no right or wrong way to be, then it would seem perfectly valid. But it isn't valid in a more confined, human context. I don't know what to do.

Unfortunately when something hits me hard in the feels, I can't stop writing.

depression can distort your view on life in a big way just remember that

I'm so so so so sorry. Why I can't turn off my thoughts I don't know. Acutally, reading those comments was a terrible mistake. More evidence that everything really is horrible, reality is horrific by nature, and there's simply no escape that isn't weak, ignorant, or just plain bad.

Dammit...I want to do things. I want to enjoy things, but I'm not allowed to, because it's wrong. I want to live my fantasies, or something close. I want to feel alive. But I can't.

I know I can be negative, and I hate it. I don't want to be miserable, and I've been fighting tooth and nail against becoming cynical. But the more I learn even about my own reality the more hopeless I feel. There's simply nothing for me. Anything I do find is illusory, according to smarter, wiser people. Like how there's always some hidden ugliness to anything that's good. Good food acquired through unethical means; hidden meanings and unrealistic situations in music, movies and TV; the people who love you will abandon you at the slightest provocation. I'm usually the sort who doesn't bother to think about it, because what good does it do? It's not like my mentally acknowledging it will change anything, and, shameful as it is, I want to enjoy my things. This is reality. And I don't see any reason to live it.

The entire point of the DR idea is that no, it doesn't. You'er seeing things as they really are, and reality is horrific, so it's rational to be depressed.

First, I want to apologize for my hysterics. The types of viewpoints I described are real things I've read, or seen that others believe. I admitted I have a hard time believing in the lighter version: that life has ups and downs, but significantly more downs.

However, I found some quotes from the person who popularized the term, and it seems the internet took it out of context:

The part I bolded seems to contradict much of what I inferred from the existence of DR, and the beliefs many use DR to justify. However, the talk of being less defended against the chaos of life rings painfully true. I said several times I don't hold too many positive illusions in this sense: it really, honestly surprises me that most people do.

Also this mention of "fantasies of belonging" piques my interest, and the last sentence in that quote is downright validating to someone as fantasy-prone as myself.

In addition, I found this after trying to self-soothe with a box of cookies (no luck), and shortly after I found out there's a mini series adapted from one of my favorite novels - amazing how interest in that made me forget my problems so quickly.

Perhaps we could try to have a real discussion about this now, if anyone's interested? Like what counts as delusion/illusion (I worry most about perceptions of meaning and purpose. Okay, there's nothing objective - how much does the subjective count? I recall one commenter saying it's cruel to rip away people's illusions, whether it's Santa, God, or a purpose). What is a "life that doesn't work"?

I'm still lost, life is still terrifying, but at least I'm a little calmer.

Just a comment- I felt the same for years but... I finally realized my depression was biological. As soon as I found a medicine that finally "worked" (Nardil) all my pessimistic thinking immediately disappeared. POOF GONE- even though I see the reality of what's going on... There IS hope in this world.

I always thought the "is the glass half full or half empty?" question was a bit silly. I find the reasonable answer to be, "Who cares? Where's the faucet this water came from?"

I've never heard of depressive realism. But from the excerpt above, it seems like it's a view into how people cope with challenging and difficult life places. I could be way off, but it seems like depression as a biological illness is different than a "depressive realism", a perspective without fantasies of being better. ?

My life place is a dark depression place with bits of light. It really does help to imagine alternatives and more light. I'm not a depressive realist when I do that, I guess.

i definitely do this

i wont go into detail though - its quite depressing!