[ImNotHere]

Growing up I was very emotionally neglected, no one gave me attention or spent time with me. I remember feeling so lonely and wanting to die at 9 years old. I have also struggled with making friends and keeping them my entire life.

I am trying to move on but I can't seem to let go of the fact that my parents did not give me enough attention (it may sound stupid saying it as an adult but the fact is it greatly shaped the depressed person I am today) and making me feel worthless.

It has distorted my view of things so much that when I notice people aren't giving their kids enough attention I get angry (I don't mean if they only do it a little or once in a while but people who really don't put the effort in to spending time with their kids). I know some of this is based on truth - that they aren't spending enough time with kids but some of it is me projecting my issues on to people I barely know.

I know some will say "get over it" or talk to your family but they don't recognize that they have done anything wrong. I don't know how to just get over this.

I have severe anxiety, depression and avpd. Therapy and medication have yet to help me.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I can't help, but I can validate that concern that it sounds immature, stupid, or whiny to talk about it. I know any time I let myself feel similarly I can just hear in my head, imaginary voices of critical people I've known in passing saying "Aw, waaah, waaah, my parents didn't love me waaaah - grow the f-k up already"; "No one gives a ***** about your silly-***, adolescent emotional problems, get over it and move on like an adult"; "You were 'emotionally neglected'? I was beaten every day and raped every night since I was a toddler, you don't see me complaining. I haven't even cried in 20 years!"

It's kind of a confusing thing: clearly, it's affected people like us, but no one takes it seriously. It's seen, maybe, as only because of this new-agey, self-esteem, peace-and-love type of child-rearing, the entitled "wimpification" of modern children, that emotional neglect even matters. It feels like it shouldn't matter, when other people experience so much worse. Or like, they're just emotions, who cares? In the Real World, no one's going to coddle your widdle feewings, so why should your parents? They're preparing you, toughening you up for a world that doesn't care if you die tomorrow.

Okay, now I'm rambling and almost justifying it to myself...but I feel you with not knowing how to overcome much. I believe I experienced something similar.

[Altered Moment]

I don't think it is something you just get over.

Maybe finding relationships or an organized group of people who understand, don't judge, and accept you for who you are can heal those wounds. It has really helped me. Probably don't look to or expect to get it from family.

People who know how to listen without offering a ton of advice and just validate that what you are going through is real and that the wounds you have are very real and causing you problems. Validation of who we are, our problems, and our past is very powerful. People will see very positive things about us that we don't see and will mirror it back to us. This is healing. A therapist can do this but I think we need a support network of people who have walked in our shoes or have similar experiences.

[Altered Moment]

As I was typing my post ScientiaOmnisEst was typing theirs and validating your experience.

[TheOriginalMe]

Emotional neglect is a very real and damaging experience. If you were being starved of food then you would struggle to grow and develop physically. Without the right emotional stimuli you can't grow emotionally. Personally I find acknowledging the damage helps me accept how I am. Emotional scars are every bit as real as physical scars. Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they are not real.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

Emotional neglect is a very real and damaging experience. If you were being starved of food then you would struggle to grow and develop physically. Without the right emotional stimuli you can't grow emotionally. Personally I find acknowledging the damage helps me accept how I am. Emotional scars are every bit as real as physical scars. Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they are not real.

[leroysavoy]

I can relate. I remember as a kid, around 11 years old, having a knife pointed to my heart. My parents would get mad at me for trying to kill myself, I wasn't really going to do it, but deep down, I was just crying for attention and affection.

It could be hard finding good therapy and medication but don't give up. Keep searching until you find what works. If therapy and medication is not working, try experimenting with other methods.

From my own experience and research, I found psychedelics extremely profound on dealing with my depression. It literally saved my life. I think it has to do with stimulating neurogenesis (growth of new brain cells) and high release of serotonin neurotransmitters (feel good chemical in brain).

[al-bait]

I guess we both have the same experience, except for the fact that I was physically and psychologically abused by my own mom. My parents sent me off to my aunt when I was 8 and that happened after they got divorced. 16 years living with my aunt without receiving a single phone call from my own mom. I could see her whenever she came back for holiday, but it was like i'm totally invisible to her eyes. Don't lose hope. I'm struggling as well. Everyone here does. I hope you could find what works the best for you. I'm sorry I can't offer any idea or solution because i'm still searching mine. Hopefully you'll get over it soon.