sick

i feel depressed from things like life stress, studying stress, people, holidays(although i've many activities) and i just feel like i cant keep handling all this and dont wish to do anything, just want vacation away in island or somewhere away from life to rest forever
all my thoughts so negative and depressing, even my friends notice from my sad poems and my way when i chat. and it makes me sick from myself why cant i take everything in easy way with hopeful thoughts and stop looking back, why cant i work on something without stressing and think its going to fail or that im weak to finish
i feel lost and confused and lots of screaming inside my mind. and seem like side of me doesnt want to cry and think im not depressed. sometimes it gets fine for days then get back again.

my close net friend told me that i should better check therapist since it keeps repeating, but my mom think its not that serious to take me, although she knows how negative i can be

today i dreamt that a therapist came house and asked me about my issues, i cant remember details, but i guess i said three things? studying, people and past life maybe? and seemed confused anyway i was crying and in the end therapist didnt say anything useful and even seemed kinda scared/shocked then left

i just wish i can just sit in island peacefully and stop thinking to be honest and take my book series and finish them to feel that i did good thing in my life(as it also give some advice not only sad dark love series) that i enjoy.

Hello, the sad queen. Thank you for your post. Please continue talking to us.

I cannot say I understand. Each of us has our own experiences. I can say, I often seek oblivion.

Does your school have a counselor? If so, please consider telling the counselor about your thoughts.

Also, there are online meditation cites. Mindfulness meditation might be helpful.

You must change to get better. Change is a constant.

What do you think your mom's reaction to your post would be? Maybe showing her would allow her to see your need for professional help?

You are in my prayers, brave one.

I'm in college now so im not sure if there's counselor
i will try to check meditation.

my close friend already told me to let my parents check my poems because i write what i feel, but i dont think they will get it much, they are very nice, but they dont get mental illness much.

well probably my mom will say: each one has mental illness with different levels, but its fine you dont really need doctor, you will get better by time

Hello the sad queen: Welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

sad queen are you able to talk with someone you trust

yes i speak with online friend much and she doesnt mind speaking and hear me when i get depressing

is there something that you cant talk about ...something very troubling...

i dont mind saying what i've if my friends open, she's open so i tell her.
but the thing i cant describe my confusing mind, does it really feel like this or is it making it up? and why does it like being sad and love sad things?

oh sad queen---I hope you can find this out...it can be very confusing....don't give up your hopes

the sad queen, would there be repercussions if you sought professional help on your own? Would your parents be upset? Do you need financial aid from your parents to get help?

I think you would benefit from treatment. Perhaps I am belaboring the point?

i dont go out alone unless needed, my mom doesnt prefer letting me go out alone just for safety and over care, and i understand as i cant focus well or socialize to be honest to take care of myself
and financial aid is also issue as its hard to find small work i can do here and my parents dont have much or even check hospital that often though they should

If the MI industry in general over there has the inshalah attitude in their medical practices too much, I see that as problematic.

Do you have any opinions on that?

we depend on religion first and having patience, but if its a disorder then it must be checked, but my mom just believe that its not serious and that i dont suffer from anything and just making it up.

but i said my issue more direct this time to my mom and she was like dont say that about yourself. and when i said its real and repeat she said its my fault leave PC and see life more away from fantasy then i will be better
ok fantasy another issue, but honestly im sick from college even if 4 years with stress and whatever happens in life it sound like 40 instead. i want to be more free and just do whatever make me feel better and think positively more

are you saying that you don't want to go to college...

yes its one of the reasons that depress me more. i dont want college to be honest, its not mainly about things that will help me in my own hobbies to try to love it and i didnt have chance to pick as its all about marks and since i dont like studying or memorizing i hardly got mark at high school, but here its a must and high degree

i think it is very important what YOU want and don't want....