[Christina86]

I've always tried to be a good friend. I really have.

But here I'm now dealing with two people IRL who are going through crisis. One is severly depressed and tried to kill herself this past week (amongst other problems), and the other friend ... well, she's got a whole lot of problems (SI, abuse issues, depression, suicidal junk).

Here I am trying to help these two people because I genuinely care about their well-being - and having gone through all sorts of stuff like what they keep saying - I'm trying desperately to be helpful ...

But here I think I am failing miserably.

I think this is all triggering me too much. I almost SIed on my birthday of all things because my one friend was talking about SIng. I stayed up all night worrying and trying to help and only got 2.5 hours of sleep. My other friend... not so easy to understand, but here I am trying to help - I know what it's like to feel hopeless and desperate and want the pain to end.

But I'm not suicidal, so don't think that.

I've tried urging both to talk to someone, and if I felt they were a danger to themselves in a severe way - I would tell someone. I'm not going to let them suffer in silence.

But I'm not exactly going through the best time myself at the moment. All I want to do is SI and drink or cry. I could really cry at the moment - so stressed.

When does one have to take a step back and realize that they can't help everyone - especially when they're not in the best spot themselves?

When do I realize that I'm allowed to ask for help? When do I realize that I deserve to be loved? When do I stop hating myself for everything I've done and how my life has turned out?

Can I please hide in my bed until I can actually function normally and help people again without being self-centred? Please?

Can I fall to pieces and be an emotional wreck - why do I try to keep it all together? Why do I try to control everything around me?

Why do I ask so many dumb questions?

I'm sorry, I had to vent somewhere. If this is violating the talk of suicide though, please delete it - I'm not suicidal though - just to be clear.

[anna_a]

Hang in there, I know where you're coming from. >< Being there for your friends means more to them than you probably realise. Some time ago, I had two suicidal friends who came to me close to the same time... and we talked for hours. They both thanked me for being there for them when they felt better. I remember trying to function while dealing with my own depression/psychosis and the burden of knowing what they were going though. I ended up not functioning well for awhile because of it.... It's not easy, but keep your hopes up and try to get some sleep. Being there for them means a lot. Take care.

[ErinBear]

Hi Canders,

Thinking of you so much (((Canders))) hugs if okay for you.

This is a tricky situation, and I've been in similar situations before, too. I feel for you! Have you ever been on an airplane and heard the safety lecture before the plane takes off? They tell what would happen if the plane loses pressure, when the little masks come down from the ceiling so people could use the oxygen on board. They always instruct parents to put on the masks on themselves first, then to worry about placing the masks on their children afterwards. Sometimes we need to make sure we're taking good care of ourselves first, or we can't be in good shape to be there to support somebody else in a crisis, just like the potential situation on an airplane with the oxygen masks. Of course you care very much for your friends, and it's so wonderful that you do! But you also need to be taking good care of yourself. It's critical that you do. It's okay to take a step back, and do what is necessary for self-care. You can indeed encourage your friends to seek support from counseling, or from other friends in addition to you. You can also set boundaries with them, and say that you'd like to provide support - but maybe not at such an intense level. You could say that for now, it's too much to discuss certain topics, like SI, for instance. These things are all okay, Canders. Taking good care of you is extremely important. I also hope you're seeking support for yourself by visiting with your own friends and such, and talking with your own T if you're seeing one presently, and so forth. If there are things you can do which are comforting and helpful at difficult times (go for a walk....see a movie...listen to some favorite music....journal...call or write a good friend....do some crafts....blow some bubbles!....etc.) this might be a good time to do such things too.

Thinking of you....please take extra-gentle care of yourself.

Take care,
ErinBear

[gostryter]

((((((((((((((((((((((canders))))))))))))))))))))))))))

you are so sweet to be so concerned for your friends - but i think now is a perfect time for you to be concerned for you!!

you have to take care of yourself!!!!!

& yes, you can hide in your bed....but only if i can hide in mine!!!!!

[wickedwings]

(((((Canders))))) i know it's really tough doing what you're doing. yes, it means a lot to your friends that you are being there for them. they may not be able to tell you how grateful they are due to their depression or othe issues. but, it does mean a whole lot. i know you feel that you're failing in helping your friends. it's really hard to do what you're doing - for anyone, that is. of course, you do need to take care of yourself. rest, pay attention to yourself, etc. it's no self-centered. i cannot remember, but someone said that if you can't take care of you, you can't take care of others. i've had times when i plain could not get out of bed other than to go to the bathroom. i've had instance where i had to help a couple of people here and used up more than my brain's reserves. i had to take a break from coming here for a day or two. then, i'm ok again.

[jacq10]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
canders7 said:

But here I think I am failing miserably.

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You are doing the best you can, and no matter the circumstances, no matter how much you think otherwise, that is all any one can ask of you. Thats all you can ask of yourself.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
When does one have to take a step back and realize that they can't help everyone - especially when they're not in the best spot themselves?

When do I realize that I'm allowed to ask for help? When do I realize that I deserve to be loved? When do I stop hating myself for everything I've done and how my life has turned out?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I can't believe how similar our thought patterns are ... i can't even remember the times where i've thought VERY similar things myself. But i think the important thing to realise here, is that while you may not have the answers to these questions right now, you are asking them, and by doing that ... on some level you are aware that you DO deserve better. You deserve so much Christina ... and you know that you do deserve to ask for help for yourself. You're not superwoman ... no one is. I really like the airplane analogy mentioned above ... it really is so true. You need to take care of you before you can realistically try and help anyone else.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Can I fall to pieces and be an emotional wreck - why do I try to keep it all together? Why do I try to control everything around me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You try to keep it all together because you care so much about other people that you neglect how you are feeling. neglect what is good for you. And when you to acknowledge how you are feeling, you see it as being self centered. PLEASSSSE know that you are not that in any way shape or form. I think you could ask anyone here on PC and they would tell you the same thing.

Sorry for my bluntness ... i just really care about you and don't like to see you hurting.

You're friends are really lucky to have someone like you caring for them so much.

Hang in there, and take some time for you.
xoxo
Jacq

[Sabrina]

It is so difficult to feel empathy for friends when one is grappling with their own issues.

You are doing the very best you can but you need to look after yourself first!

You are a true and wonderful friend. One I would love to have IRL!

Thinking of you!

[dreamrunner]

Hi Canders,
I think you a caring wonderful person
I think although you may feel you arent helping friends enough.....you truly are helping.
Sometimes we just want to vent,someone to listen without being judged.I think youve done that.You cant solve others problems you can only offer advise.
I think sometimes our friends trigger us without knowing.....we need to seperate a bit, then otherwise you will get caught up,and get "sick"yourself.
Your being a true friend by being there....now be there for YOURSELF too.
All the best

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

((((((((((((anna_a))))))))))))))))

thank you so very much for your reply. It is so appreciated that someone knows what I'm going through!

Welcome to PC

[Christina86]

(((((((((((ErinBear))))))))))))))

That is an awesome analogy. Thank you. I just tend to throw myself into this sort of thing without thinking beforehand. I guess it would be a good idea to talk to my T about this, amongst other junk currently happening. I'll try to do something good for myself, but it's so hard to take time off for self-care if someone is hurting around me.

Thank you so much.

[Christina86]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
gostryter said:
& yes, you can hide in your bed....but only if i can hide in mine!!!!!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Deal?

((((((((((((((((gostryter))))))))))))))))

I hate being concerned about my own junk - feel like I'm not worth it - even if I know better intellectually.

Thank you!

[Christina86]

((((((((((wickedwings)))))))))))))

I've had burnouts like that from coming here and trying to help people myself. Not fun.

Thank you.

[Christina86]

((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))))

I haven't been the best of friends to you lately or anyone here. I'm so sorry. I'm just feeling a little bit like I'm drowning. Blah.

You're not blunt, I always love what you have to say because I know you care and know what you're talking about too!

Thanks lovely friend

[Christina86]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sabrina0805 said:
One I would love to have IRL!

Thinking of you!

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(((((((((((((Sabrina))))))))))))))))))

If I could come to visit you and spend time with you - nothing would make me happier because you're an awesome friend. Thank you!

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((((dreamrunner)))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm trying very hard to believe what you're saying, because I know it's true. So thank you so very much.

[Christina86]

(((((((((Fuzziest friend)))))))))))))))))

Thanks for the love and hugs