[jakers59]

I hate my job, and I've hated every job I've had before it, I'm 20 years old and this whole finding a career and going to school just stresses me the hell out. Having severe social anxiety doesn't help my job situation out either, every job I go to, I'm always getting chewed out for doing s*** wrong, so I second guess every decision I make just to not get yelled at, every job I go to the work is mundane, boring, and stressful. I don't even care really about how much it pays right now. $10-$11 is fine with me, and I always have to end up working more than I want to and I don't really get to choose my schedule either, 25-30 hours a week would be ideal to just get me through school, and that's a whole other story, I have no idea what my "passion" is, or what I love to do. How am I supposed to know that s***? I'm 20 f***ing years old and Im supposed to have the answers to all these big life questions? Not to mention that I'll go thousands of dollars in debt for a degree I have no interest in. My personal life is awful too, I'm painfully, miserably alone, everybody my age has either a significant other or someone they have sex with on a regular basis. Some people do it without even trying, they just go to a party in college, get drunk, high, and f***ed up, then sleep with some sorority girl who I can only dream of liking me, let alone sleeping with me. And it's not like I'm good looking either, I'm 6'0" tall and like 275 lbs, granted, I have some muscle, but most of it is fat and I've got stretch marks evertwhere and acne scars on my chest and shoulders when I was a teenager, I just always feel like the deck is stacked against me, I Don't know if I'll ever be happy, plus everyone says that women are the less shallow gender, but I'm not buying it. Every time I hear college aged girls talking, it's all about who f***ed who, how f***edd up that got at the party last night, who's the best looking, who has the biggest d***, etc. It's like, if your not this big bad alpha male douchebag, who's extremely masculine and have a huge d*** then you're seen as worthless and unlovable, and I watch too much porn, and I should probably stop let that messing with my head, but it doesn't really seem people are any less shallow in the real world when it comes to who is attractive/valuable and who isnt. I just feel worthless basically because I'm not attractive in the eyes of most people, so it makes me feel like my ent ire worth as a human is based on my appearance and that I'll never be good enough, and I guess that's a big reason for my social anxiety/insecurity but I just can't get over the fact that it seems like if you're not beautiful physically, you can't have a happy life/career/relationships.

[jakers59]

**Can't find a job that I don't despise

[DesigningWoman]

I would say first of all you are spending time around shallow, awful women. All college age women aren't like those you described. There are many young women on every campus who are not as you described. I spend everyday on one as a Student.
If you want to meet girls who might be interested in you, I would suggest checking out the independent non Greek student activities, usually via clubs. You would be quite surprised the number of girls involved in sports, nerd, and gamer culture on most campuses. I (female) am in an off campus dungeons and dragons quest. We have more women than men currently. In a more relaxed social atmosphere, you might meet a really nice girl who likes you back. She might or might not look like a Barbie doll. But frankly the sameness of the dull attractiveness sorority and frat members is boring after awhile.
Also you seem preoccupied with sex. I am older than you. Looking back at all the freaking out of my fellow students over hookups is pretty stupid. And yes, that has been happening for a long time. Hookups can get you only a few things:1. Unwanted pregnancies 2. STDs 3. Serious psychological repercussions
I fell in love with a wonderful, intelligent woman who had cerebral palsy. I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. The extent of our sex life was not a concern.
In the grand scheme of life and love, sex is only a part. You might think about limiting the porn because it seems to be giving you a warped view of sex and women.

[jakers59]

Originally Posted by DesigningWoman

I would say first of all you are spending time around shallow, awful women. All college age women aren't like those you described. There are many young women on every campus who are not as you described. I spend everyday on one as a Student.
If you want to meet girls who might be interested in you, I would suggest checking out the independent non Greek student activities, usually via clubs. You would be quite surprised the number of girls involved in sports, nerd, and gamer culture on most campuses. I (female) am in an off campus dungeons and dragons quest. We have more women than men currently. In a more relaxed social atmosphere, you might meet a really nice girl who likes you back. She might or might not look like a Barbie doll. But frankly the sameness of the dull attractiveness sorority and frat members is boring after awhile.
Also you seem preoccupied with sex. I am older than you. Looking back at all the freaking out of my fellow students over hookups is pretty stupid. And yes, that has been happening for a long time. Hookups can get you only a few things:1. Unwanted pregnancies 2. STDs 3. Serious psychological repercussions
I fell in love with a wonderful, intelligent woman who had cerebral palsy. I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. The extent of our sex life was not a concern.
In the grand scheme of life and love, sex is only a part. You might think about limiting the porn because it seems to be giving you a warped view of sex and women.

Yeah, the porn is definitely a problem for me, I don't even like it, I just watch it because I'm so lonely and have never had a relationship in my life, I guess it takes away the feelings of anger/depression /loneliness/bitterness for a little bit, but I just watched it because I don't see any women at all or have the chance to interact with any women my age because I'm not even in college yet (I start this summer), it's just hard because I think all the time that I will never be able to find a girl that I like because they're already taken by the confident/outgoing, assertive, athletic men. I don't want a girl that is a 9 or 10 on the looks scale, they would probably end up cheating anyway (if that ever happened) I would rather have like a 7 with a good personality, that likes me for who I am and accepts me the way I am and that has similar interests as me, I swear it's impossible to find a decent girl these days, maybe I'm wrong but that's how I feel all the time, that people's worth is based off their achievements/appearance/social status. I don't know, I'm probably just making it worse in my mind than it really is, but society just shoves that idea down our throats ya know? My job situation bothers me too, I feel stupid at my job because I'm always getting taken advantage of /bossed around because people can tell I'm shy/sensitive. I'm always getting told about how what I'm doing isn't good enough, how I need to listen and follow instructions, but I do listen, the only problem is I get so anxious and scared of making another mistake and getting yelled at, so I second guess every decision that I make, and peop,everyone think I being rude when I don't talk, but I do want to talk, I just don't want to get yelled at or chewed out, ugh it's just exhausting and frustrating to say the least.

[DesigningWoman]

In college which is almost here, you will meet a lot of women. It is ridiculous to base a person's worth off their looks, but you just did by scaling a woman's attractiveness. In fact, you put her acceptable number before her personality. If you want to be accepted and loved for yourself, you really need to work on this. Would you appreciate a girl scaling your attractive number before deigning to go out with you? You want to meet a decent girl? Forget the preoccupation with looks, yours and theirs. I have known many wonderful, funny, quirky straight women. All are beauties to me whether or not their faces and bodies were considered conventionally attractive. Get involved. Spend as much time as possible away from the computer. The more you socially interact, the more confidence you gain, the better the chance of meeting and wooing a good girl for you.

Try taking a deep breath at work. The best advice I ever received was "it is not about you. People are by nature self-centered and mostly concerned with what is happening to themselves. You really aren't even on their radar." I found this freeing to not worry and be anxious so much. My boss doesn't hate me. A million things might be going on with her. Perhaps if you were able not to stress so much, you would find your job a bit less frustrating.

[OneInBillions]

I feel the exact same way about jobs, careers and "passion." I graduated from university without ever finding my "passion," which turned out to be a waste of time and money because I still can't find a job that I don't hate. And I agree, the whole career thing is so stressful! It's like all the "normal" people easily find their niche and work at it their whole lives while loving it, and I can't figure out what must be so wrong with ME because I just cannot find mine. I'm also incredibly stressed out because I'm 31 now, like 8 years past graduation, and virtually everyone my age has a career and a wife and kids and a mortgage and I have none of those things. I can't relate to people my age anymore, and that's so depressing.

In your own words, "it's not like [you're] not good-looking" so that's a starting point -- I've always been ugly and morbidly obese, with such a slim chance of ever finding a significant other! Sometimes I think that it was for the best, though, since I couldn't even support myself. I also hated the superficial ******** that everyone seemed so absorbed in around their 20's -- everything was all about who was hotter or whatever, while I've always been more interested in a girl's personality. Admittedly I went to an incredibly conservative, private, religious university that didn't even have a "Greek system" or wild parties... But most of the guys were still so stupidly superficial. Yes, a large part of modern society is focused entirely too much on appearances, and I think that getting PAST that is a critical part of "growing up" or whatever. I agree with DesigningWoman, it sounds like you just aren't encountering the right kind of women.

You've also got your youth going for you; it's not too late. Don't let the social anxiety shut you in! That was the WORST mistake of my life, I think; I was so afraid of social interaction that I started avoiding it entirely, until by graduation I never left my dorm room for anything but classes and food. Can you see a counselor or therapist or anything at your school? It could help to talk through some of those issues, you know, and you should be able to do it privately and discreetly. Just get out there, even if it's frightening! You'll regret it if you don't.

Take care. I hope things get better for you soon.