[Sunybear]

Is depression anger turned inward? I mean,can it be caused by that? My counselor thinks thats where my depression comes from.. stuffing my anger for all of my life.

I can't feel any anger towards my abusers... for what they did to me..I feel nothing, really.Here I am a grown woman, 44 years old, unable to FEEL for the little girl I was who was taken advantage of.. whose innocence was stolen...

I am disabled with a chronic pain illness as well as chronic fatigue, both of which I believe stem from the years of abuse and the inability to allow the negative feelings for so many years. The thing is, I don't know how to have the negative feelings..

I do have depression.. sometimes I think its because I'm a type A personality who has become disabled early in life.. but I think I can understand how it might be more than that.Anway, I would appreciate your thoughts and advice.

Thanks for listening.. Sunybear

[Direction]

I'm sure it is different for everyone...your counselor is probably heading in the right direction...

I personally stuffed my feelings right into depression...

[pegasus]

Yep!

Stuffing away feelings, but then as a child you wouldn't have been able to express anger would you?

(((((((((( Sunybear ))))))))

[gostryter]

hi Sunybear! ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

yep! stuffing anger or any feeling can wreak havoc! and can definitely manifest itself physically.

i was just diagnosed with TMJ (long name for jaw pain caused by grinding teeth and/or clenching jaw)...i didn't even realize i was clenching my jaw till the doc told me (i thought i had an ear ache) i'm stressed at work and now i catch myself clenching.

i'm sure some of your physical pain is due to not being able to deal with those feelings! but those are definitely tough feelings to deal with!!!! i'm sure that will take time!

be gentle and understanding with your adult self!!!! chances are you weren't allowed to show your feelings when you were a little girl being abused and subsquently didn't learn how to deal with those feelings in a healthy way. that's going to take time.

For now maybe it is just enough that you acknowledge that the little girl you were was abused!! Some people can't do that!! Feeling for her will come in time.

Take care!

[beelieving]

Hi Sunybear,

I can see how a type A personality becoming disabled would lead to depression. But like the others mentioned, I too believe that depression has a lot to do with unresolved anger around things that have happened to us, such as the abuse you mentioned. I struggle with feeling anger towards anyone. And I’ve found that it often leaves me feeling helpless, unheard, lonely... depressed.

One of my biggest challenges in recovery has been to be a loving mother to my inner child. Once I get in the role of being a safe adult who acknowledges feelings and won’t judge or abandon, my little self feels more able to say what’s on her mind. An exercise I do is writing a letter to my inner child and then, using my left hand, my inner child writes back. A lot has come from it but like gostryter mentioned, you feeling for that little girl within you will come in time. Try not to give up on her though.

Hugs to the little girl in you. ~ Bee

[(JD)]

Yes, anger is one of the things at the core of depression. But it isn't quite that simple.

Numbing is another coping mechanism, and like depression, doesn't work well all the time.

You may have very good reasons to numb, be angry, be depressed and a myriad of other things going on, but it is always in our best interest to find out what we're doing to cope and why we're coping that way...and then find a better way.

People in chronic pain are usually also depressed. Just when you think you have a handle on something and make plans, the pain wipes you out and everything tumbles once again. What's not to be depressed about? (tongue in cheek) It is impossible for me to always have a plan b that works, and to keep a cheery attitude when things keep tumbling.

What's good is that as we learn about what we are doing to ourselves, we adjust and that lessens the stress and the resulting pain. Knowledge is good. It isn't always easy to hear, but it's good in the long run if we go with it.

(goestryter I also have TMD (or TMJD, we all have tmj's ) and if you do what they tell you to, you can overcome it, mostly. Good wishes! Glad you've found out so early on.))

[Perna]

My T helped me learn about the negative feelings we all have by having me "contemplate" them, one a week :-) The first week I was to think about "humiliation" and it was like thinking about "red cars" -- suddenly, it was everywhere :-) One really bad humiliation happened to show me my anger (a boss made me cry) and a lot of things just "clicked" from then on. The next week my T had me think about "disappointment" and again, almost immediately my husband disappointed me :-( But that too ended happily because I learned that a lot of my expectations were linked to negative things I had picked up from my stepmother (my abuser). I was judging my husband the way my stepmother had "taught" me to judge and it wasn't pretty :-) So, there was no way my husband could NOT disappoint me! I had set him up!

So, maybe find a list of negative feelings http://eqi.org/cnfs.htm and look at one or two in your journal if you have one or just think about them and various occasions you remember and are going through now. Theoretically, it could make you angry to not be able to get angry :-) since that's a God-given part of your emotional makeup. Get angry that you were forced to stuff your negative emotions in order to protect yourself. Now you are depressed and have physical issues as a result. How dare an adult do that to the child you?!!

[gostryter]

sky....LOL....silly me

well geez, why they gotta give it such a complicated name....ya got your foot, your elbow, your head and your temporomandibular joint!!! i was bound to leave something out!

With me depression, absolutly caues anger and out right rage. I can be going somewhere feeling good, something I don't know, it flips my switch. and off I go. Things I think of and would love to do, I can't. I would be in jail.

Feelin it! OMG Yes!

I follow my pdoc's orders and try my best to stay under the radar...

t/c