[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I haven't even gotten out of bed yet and my mind has cycled through guilt, shame, worry, and emptiness already, and last night someone replied to an off site thread wondering if I might have an undiagnosed disability that's affecting my ability to find a job.

In other words, my landlady might have had a point about my needing psychiatric help. The center was closed Friday, and I'm posting here to give myself reason not to wimp out and not go. I already have this notion that they won't be able to help me, will just give me generic advice and kick me out - the fact that I'm not great at expressing myself out loud doesn't help either.

But! I'm going to stop by anyway, and see if I can get a walk-in appointment.

[BrazenApogee]

Good Luck. Talking can be hard. I have a lot of problems with it, but with time it becomes easier.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hello, ScientiaOmnisEst

I understand how you feel completely It all seems hopeless when we're not finding success in our lives, and on top of that we can barely move and get out of bed
It's not your fault at all, it's on the depression, and the depression alone is to blame

I can see that you did explain your situation to us very clearly, and we can understand how you're feeling because you expressed yourself pretty well!!! Granted, it's difficult to do that out in the real world, but being able to do it here means that you got the seeds necessary to grow the required skills that will help you socialize and express yourself face-to-face with people!

Managing expectations is important, because this whole process relies heavily on trial and error, which means there will be mistakes, but as time goes by, you'll recognize those mistakes and be skillful at not committing them again, and then you'll be a true professional!!!

And there's absolutely no shame in getting help! In fact, this means you're willing to change your life for the better, and that you're more into success than failure!

I hope everything goes well for you!

Sending many many hugs

[dexter]

Good luck Scientia. If you feel you might miss out because you have trouble expressing yourself on the spot... Try typing out a few points and bring them along to read or to give to them. Even cut and paste some of the stuff you have written here that you might find helpful for them to know.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Heh, haven't gone yet, will do in an hour or so.

But the expression thing worries me - I've been misunderstood by so many psych people before I can't tell if my problems are actually that weird or I'm just bad at expressing them. That's, of course, if I can talk at all.

How calm I am socially varies wildly. It's actually really weird. I can go into a job interview with very little well-hidden nervousness but be almost paralyzed with fear in front of a therapist. I'm scared of my landlady and the stranger trying to converse with me at the library, but can talk about anything online (but will be just as nervous of someone at the other end of a hotline). No idea why this works the way it does.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Well, I'm done.

"Help" is out of the question.

The clinic was totally booked for the day, but they gave me the paperwork to fill out. If you have insurance (which I do) you are expected to pay the copay. I can't afford the copay. Ergo, no counseling. Figures. It's not worth it anyway.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Double post