I am worried about my friend and I don't know what to do???

I have a friend that just turned 53. He lives by himself with his beloved dog. He doesn't have any family. He falls into depression quite frequently but I am worried that he may do something drastic.

Last night, he sent a text saying he was vacating his apartment and moving to the mountains. He threw away all of his belongings and gave a wall picture to me that was sentimental because his brother gave it to him. He said he bought a tent and is going to live in it. He has mentioned giving me his dog as well.

A few months ago, he was dating a girl and she broke up with him. She was about 20 years younger and she left him for someone he worked with. He had a key made to his apartment and gave it to me and kept saying he wanted me to have access to his apartment in case anything happened so I could get his dog. A few weeks later, he confided to my fiance, in a round about way, that he couldn't take life anymore.

We have invited him to stay with us until he can get back to his feet but he refuses. We are taking him to my mountain house this weekend so he can see if he likes the area and maybe look for a job and at least have a bed to sleep in and a hot shower. I don't know what else I can do for him but I am really worried. Any suggestions?

Would he be willing to talk to someone about how bad he is feeling? Thinking can get so clouded when you are feeling depressed. Now propbably is not the time for him to be making big life decisions. I hope he reconsiders what he is doing. I think it is great that you are there for him. You are a very good friend.

BB

I am hoping to talk with him this weekend. I would let him stay in my mountain house if I could but unfortunately, I own it along with my sister and brother and we all visit it on the weekends. We have an extra room in the apartment that he can stay in but I think he feels as though he would intrude.
I would hate for something to happen and I didn't do anything. My fiance offered to pay his rent for him so he wouldn't have to move but he refused. He did take a few hundred dollars that we offered him though. I hope he can pull out of this. We have only known him for a year but he is really nice and we always try to invite him over because we know he is lonely and has no one. It makes me sad.

Glad you are so caring. That sounds really bad, giving up what you care about most at least for me has been one of those last steps over the edge, one I've thought about taking quite a bit in the past but luckily haven't gone past that threshold yet.

If he feels any bit like I have been, and trying to put myself in his position, also having suffered through depression for a while, he may have lost all hope, and feels there is no chance for redemption or ability to reclaim what was lost and so may be giving up. Not accepting some of your offers, it seems like he may think that even that cant give him a chance and is just a waste. The longer I've been depressed the less I feel I can be back to the way I was, better times as then they were. He probably feels that all options are exhausted and have been tried, and may not be able to imagine any other possiblities.

If there is any way to give him hope back again, hope that things can change, that there is stll life to live, it could help him. When I become sick like that, there are very very few words that can change things, but If you find the right ones, it can make all the difference. My doctor calling me up, just to know if I felt better, and our discussion which made me feel he understood my problems, and giving new options on possible ways to deal with my issues, really saved me from some desperate and dangerous moves I otherwise end up taking.

Try to talk to him and ask him questions to try to imagine yourself in his position, the better he feels you truly understand him or are trying to understand and aren't just trying to be sympathetic, the more he may open up, and gain hope back again.

Just my thoughts, he could be feeling completely differently but its what it seems to me from my perspective...

ouch. i'm so glad that you care for him. i had depression for 15 years now. i have a loving and caring family who understands. i'm grateful to have a family. i'm grateful that you treat him as such. tell him that he's family to you. there's nothing preventing "adopting" him into your family. he doesn't have to be a kid. my grandparents "adopted" a friend of theirs, so she's been a part of my family for a long time. and that dog. gosh, that hurts when he feels that he has to give up that dog. i know it can be near impossible to properly care for him/her with depression. i gave up my last dog because of my depression. it wasn't because of my family. it was actually due to the fact that she was still a very young puppy and very well-behaved one at that. i felt it would be better for her, since she still needed training and socializing. pets are great therapy, even if they cannot cure. they can love, no matter what. i hope things work out that you can help him. it seems that you've already "adopted" him as family, but he probably isn't aware of that. i wish you and your friend the best.