[gostryter]

does anyone else feel sometimes like there's really not anything wrong you - that you just don't cope well and want to blame all your failures on being depressed??

let me describe myself...

I'm a 32 year old college graduate. I bought my own home when i was 25. Currently I work for a non-profit organization where I am responsible for planning events and marketing. I have loving parents who have been happily married nearly 40 years...etc, etc.

oh wait...did i leave out....

i don't like being around people. i don't get attached to people. i've never been in a relationship. i've been diagnosed with depression among other things. i was briefly hospitalized twice in my teens. i self injure and when i'm not doing that i compulsively overeat.

but....

i've worked full-time at my current job for nearly four years

wait....

i'm about to get fired because of personality conflicts resulting in ick (my boss says i'm passive aggressive?)

but....

i did work full-time for nearly four years at an extremely stressful job....have i been blissfully happy during that time? no....but who in this world is blissfully happy with life

why does it go back and forth?

am i an average person who gets overwhelmed and/or lazy and likes to feel sorry for myself

or

do i have a "mental illness"

or both

does anyone else ever feel like this? can anyone relate?

[Direction]

All good questions...the first time I went into the hospital...my pdoc called the hospital to reserve a space for me...anyway he described me as high functioning when talking with them...that has always stuck with me...

Seems to me that you may also be high functioning in spite of other issues that really only a professional can say for sure...

I've been extremely successful in my work...even though everything else around me is well a mess...

It wasn't until the last three - four months that it started to mess with work...I took two weeks for a vacation...I think it helped...somewhat trying to get back into the swing of things.

[Lemon]

I can totally relate. The details might be a little different, but I found comfort in your post because I really struggle with the "is anything really wrong with me" question. Wish I had an answer for you, but you're not alone.

[meander]

Yeah, I can relate. Throughout the almost four years since my diagnosis, I've only ever missed a couple of university lectures due to the depression, and while my grades have dropped from an A+ average, they're still hovering around the B mark, which is definitely good enough. It's weird how my massive meltdowns usually happen once I'm on holidays or something, or on long weekends........ Maybe law is that absorbing! But yeah, I understand.

I think, or rather I'm told, that you can be, as Direction said "high functioning" but still struggle with depression.

[gostryter]

thanks Direction & Lemon!!

wow - high functioning! that's such an interesting concept.

i tend to always want to look at things as black or white...NO gray! either i'm crazy or i'm not!

so maybe i'm a high functioning crazy person! who knew?!

it's actually quite comforting really!

i want to feel like i can do good things and excel in life. i guess i just have to find a way of doing that in spite of all the bad stuff

i hope your vacation helped, Direction!!! try not to get to stressed as you get back into the swing of things!!!!

take care, Lemon! thanks for posting - it's always nice to know your not the only one!

[gostryter]

thanks meander!!! & awesome job with school!!! congrats!

[Rebel_in_need999]

Like Newton found gravity when an apple fell into his head,i believe you will find the answer.You are not alone,like Lemon said.And the answers come from where you don't expect them.Wait and i believe you will find what you are looking for.Trust me.I did and the solution came to me in some seconds,where i least expected them.

[gostryter]

thanks Rebel!

those are very hopefilled words ~ i'll have to think of Newton and his apple when i'm feeling overwhelmed!!

[Fuzzybear]