What's wrong with me :(

I'm not sure what to do anymore.. My depression is really bad and im in the process of getting a new counselor and all... But mainly, im doing something really bad... I'm cheating!! (( which is kinda like really weird because I don't have a boyfriend/never had one.. But I've really liked my Bestfriend for ever now.. And he's kinda a f boy (if that makes sense) and he's gone through so many girls.. Like a lot.. My girl best friend dated him and I watched them makeout... She didn't know I liked him (supposedly).. But now he has a new girlfriend, who's, im not going to lie, absolutely gorgeous and SHES the perfect size, she plays sports, basically the opposite of me.. They've been dating for almost 3 months but we've been talking for 3+ years.. I know its not okay but idk.. It's not fair.. I love him.. At least I think, im too young to understand the concept of love fully.. I know I love him as my BESTFRIEND.. But I mean, we text sometimes, when we do it's always stuff like "babe, baby, sweetheart, I love you, ect.. We cuddle sometimes and I mean he kissed me but I didn't kiss him.. I really want to be his 1 and only girl but I mean.. Once a cheater always a cheater right? And im just terrible Right?! I mean I know he has a girl but I still tell him I love him and go girlfriend stuff.. It's definately not okay.. Ugh..

Hello xx_tpm-life_xx: I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this difficult & confusing situation. I am pleased to read that you're getting a new counselor. Hopefully you'll be able to talk all of this through with that person.

I don't know how old your friend is. If he's quite young, perhaps he's just being guy! (The Skeezyks once was one... sort-of...) Still, from what you wrote, your friend certainly doesn't sound like someone you'd want to put a lot of faith, or trust, in... at least not at this point in his life.

From my perspective, I wouldn't say you're doing something "really bad". You're just involved in a relationship that is confusing & perhaps not likely to result in anything positive for you. (It sounds as though your friend is as responsible as you are... maybe more so. After all, he's the one with the other girlfriend(s)!)

In the long run, it may be best if you can simply extricate yourself altogether from this relationship. This is where talking this through with your counselor may be helpful.

well.. i cant say many things... this stuff is hard for me...
we can love many people... but many people cant love us...
the ones we love maybe cant love us... maybe thay are love someone ulse...
what we can do is try to love ourselves... you deserve someone to love you too...
you can love your friend and not be with him... but to be in love is something deep... very deep... and when you feel it you will know its not the same as love we can feel for many people... you are not cheating and deserve to have attention... enjoy yourself and go with what you desire... sometimes things dont happen the waywe thing they should... but things do happen sometimes eventually... you deserve happy and attention... dont feel bad about this and enjoy yourself...