[nomdeplume83]

When you're sabotaging a relationship, do you think it's the depression that's doing this or do you think that you're just not into the relationship? I've found recently that I don't care what my husband does, whether he's mad at me about something, etc. The idea of divorce scares me because I don't want to be alone but I wonder if it would be different if I had other people in my life that I care for and who could be my support system. I'm just not quite sure if I should throw away 10+ years of work on crazy thoughts or if I'm just done. I never trust my gut or my thoughts or my heart because they have failed me many times before.

[DayAtATime1]

I'm going on 3+ years of severe depression and besides losing interest in past activities/hobbies, I also have no real feeling of love for my wife of 24 years. I care very much for her as a person and someone who's putting up with this madness. I just don't know if my lack of feelings of love are the depression talking - or have I truly lost feelings for her? Can't decide, so we go on living our lives more as companions than spouses. I'd hate to make a wrong decision, so I do nothing.

[nomdeplume83]

Exactly DayAtATime1. But then I wonder if I'm just wasting my husband's time when he could be out there being with someone who knows what they want. It's unfair to those who love us all around.

[DayAtATime1]

Anichka83 - I think that way too at times. Sometimes I ask myself if things would be different between us if I had a physical illness vs mental? If I had say cancer, her life would be miserable at times too. But I guess I wouldn't question my love for her with a PI. MI sucks!

[adam_k]

For me depression can make me lose interest in things I once liked. I find that the symptom doesn't just go with activities but relationships. I have felt in the past that I didn't care about my relationship. When I had a child those same thoughts creeped in about him and I really looked at how distorted they were. I would tell myself the hallmarks of depression like im worthless, bad father, not good enough and almost conviencing myself he would be better off without me in his life as I was destined to fail him. I often have to ask myself some basic questions to really put things into perspective.

In your shoes I would ask myself if there is anything he does or doesn't do that I need. Does he belittle me and make my life worse? Does he not show any amount of caring or love? Would my life be more dificult financially without the monetary partnership? Are these feelings of not caring a symptom of depression and possibly trying to fulfill a desire to withdraw?

Divorce is a big prospect and if you arent in the right mental place your point of view is likely dcewed towards the negative. Black and white thinking and cognitative distortions get me hung up a lot.

If there is something missing or a problem you are having with him then have you tried talking about it?

Being alone with depression is hard and can put me in a cycle where im stuck. I feel sad and depressed. I want to reach out but I had no one to talk to. Then I feel depressed because I feel emotionally alone and trying to manage this huge weight on my shoulders. Have you tried therapy or support groups? They can provide an outlet even if a small one. Is there any family memebrs, brothers, sister or friends you could lean on for support?

[nomdeplume83]

DayAtATime1 - I'd take a physical illness over mental illness any day. With PI, it's often time visible and there's a clear cut path toward treatment. The brain is complex.
Any number of factors could be responsible for the MI.

Adam_k, he's a wonderful guy and husband. He has his flaws and vices just like the rest of us, but he's kind and supportive. But I just find myself withdrawn, not attracted to him, and resentful that I chose to get married over doing something else - anything else. And it's not even his fault. But it's hard to separate reality from my mental illness. Which one is doing the talking? Maybe I just truly don't love him - that happens all the time. I tried therapy for a month about 6 years ago, but otherwise I don't talk about my problems to anyone. My family is partly responsible for my MI from the physical abuse they inflicted upon me as a child so I don't talk to them about anything personal - good or bad. I don't want them to know anything about me. As for friends, I don't have any really. Just acquaintances, but as with family, I just don't reveal much.

[DayAtATime1]

I always find it amazing that in such an overcrowded world some of us can be so lonely�� I too do not really have any close friends...

Depression is such a killer of relationships in my opinion. It takes a very strong and understanding partner to support the sufferer through it.I am so fortunate to have a BF who not only recognizes the signs of a bout coming on but is also proactive about it. My last visit to the hospital came at his gentle suggestion. When I was out he helped me a great deal, understanding I wasn't immediately fixed. He helped me reintigrate back into the real world.

With that said though my previous two longterm relationships (24yrs total) I did not have such understanding spouses. I ached to be 'heard' and understood. I questioned the relationships too, wondering if it was really worth it. I just didn't have the energy to react or act. Interestingly though, it was during periods of mania that I had the gumption to act and literally ran away.