[lv99atheist]

I'll preface this by saying that I'm not in crisis, but...

Possible trigger:

I hate myself and I don't want to go on living.

I've just had too much pain, too much ongoing stress, am being ignored by everyone I reach out to for help, and the country I once loved is becoming a third-world nation.

I have no reason to go on.

I am living in poverty, disabled, unable to help myself or get out. I'm mainly homebound. I have crippling anxiety/agoraphobia, but every professional I see treats me like I'm just making trouble for them. I don't even have a primary care doctor right now because I don't have a car and can't "shop around" for one.

I am in so much physical and mental pain. I may be passing a kidney stone, but I don't dare go to the emergency room because they'll think I'm just trying to score opioids. (I have never been a drug abuser, and I never will be.)

I just don't think life is worth living anymore. In fact, I'm certain everyone around me will be much happier without me. My partner can move on and get with someone he doesn't have to provide nurse care to. My landlord can rent to someone who doesn't complain about the neighbor's dog all the time. The world can go on not caring, and maybe my benefits and Social Security money could go to someone who can actually do something with thir life.

I don't deserve all this, but I'm being punished nonetheless. I must deserve it, then. Otherwise, I can't think why. I can't sleep, but when I do, I wake up a few hours later and hate the fact that I didn't "go" while I had the chance. Life is nothing but misery.

[12AM]

I am sorry you have been through so much pain. Please keep on living.. You said you don’t deserve that “punishment” but you are being “punished” nonetheless. You are right about you don’t deserve that punishment, but you are wrong about you are being punished nonetheless, because it’s not a punishment, it’s a trial. Please go to ER to pass your kidney stone, who knows you will feel much better after that. What makes you so sure that they will only think that you just want to score opioids? Did something happen in past? You deserve what your partner, landlord, and country give to you. And more about your country, I live in third world nation, then let’s survive together.

[elevatedsoul]

i share your pains...
just i know people would be hurt if something happen to me...
even though i am a burden...
but what can we do...
we all deserve a chance for happiness...

[nomdeplume83]

You're only being punished if you believe that someone out there is doing the punishing. As a non-believer, life is just random. Everyone has some struggle and obviously billions in this world have daily, existential problems. I guess that's
What unites us I our humanity - we all struggle and we're all aware of it. I wish I had some words of wisdom - I'm in the same place, except I don't believe that I'm being punished - life is just is what it is. Hang in there is all I can say and I hope you'll escape from this someday.

we're all in this together, i say

i feel like you a lot of the time- here i am, no friends, no family, can't leave the house, can't get a job, no qualifications, ugly as hell... my life has nothing left to offer me.

still, i sit here day after day posting on this forum- and i know it's not much, but if i didn't have this site i think i'd just give up (this is really all i have left)

it's the little things.. do you have something little that keeps you going?

[lv99atheist]

Originally Posted by 12PM

I am sorry you have been through so much pain. Please keep on living.. You said you don’t deserve that “punishment” but you are being “punished” nonetheless. You are right about you don’t deserve that punishment, but you are wrong about you are being punished nonetheless, because it’s not a punishment, it’s a trial. Please go to ER to pass your kidney stone, who knows you will feel much better after that. What makes you so sure that they will only think that you just want to score opioids? Did something happen in past? You deserve what your partner, landlord, and country give to you. And more about your country, I live in third world nation, then let’s survive together.

It just feels that way, like I'm being punished for something. As for opioids, there's been a lot of talk about limiting prescriptions of opioids in the United States because a few people have abused them to the point of addiction and death. There has been talk that Prince died because of opioid abuse, but I wasn't sure if that was cause of his death or what kind of opioids he was on. If I tried to get even mild painkillers, they've set up laws here where you have to jump through hoops to get any kind of pain relief. I have to go to the pharmacy myself to get them, show my ID card and have them scan it. I can't go out easily because I'm in a wheelchair and I don't have a car. Lawmakers act like we poor people will just sell the pills on the street or online. That's what I mean by "scoring." Because a few people fake their pain to get drugs just to sell them on the street doesn't mean everyone does. But they treat us all the same: if you are poor, you are a criminal and deserve to be thrown in jail. It's not enough that you are suffering. They make you suffer more for not being rich like them, suffer for being a human in need, and suffer needlessly because a few idiots have ruined the entire state of affairs for everyone.

[Killian Hook]

to LV!

Please take care of that kidney stone. First things first! I recently read somewhere that suffering is simply our pain multiplied by our resistance. Don't resist treatment because of what you think might happen, or how others might perceive you. It doesn't matter if you are poor or a plutocrat on Wall Street: You deserve to get any illness treated the same as anyone else

I imagine that kidney stone hurts a lot. When we hurt, it affects our moods and can make us feel depression and hopelessness all the more.

--Killian