In depression and supporting a loved one

I'm in the middle of depression and also trying to be supportive to my fiancee who recently lost his mother. I have a great pdoc and I feel like my current meds are helping me to pull out but it's a daily struggle.

On top of my own issues my fiancee's mother passed away on Father's Day and he is struggling with terrible grief. I'm trying to be a supportive and consoling partner but I feel like I'm going to start drowning here and I don't know what to do.

Anyone out there ever dealt with something like this? I feel so many emotions I'm overwhelmed.

Hello whoamihere: I believe I replied to another of your posts on this subject. So, if you'll bare with me, I'll just repeat myself here. From my perspective, I think the important thing is for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Likewise, your fiancé needs to do whatever he needs to do in order to take care of himself. No good will come from either one of you sacrificing yourselves for the sake of the other.

One thing you can do is to look for little things to do for your fiancé here-&-there. You know him... so you'll have to figure out what these things are. From my perspective, you don't have to do a lot. For one thing, you probably don't have the energy to do so. And, also, you don't want to smother him. Just try to find a few little things now-&-again you can do for him to let him know you care & you're there for him.

The other thing here is, of course, to be available to talk, to the extent you are able. Often men are averse to talking through their emotions. So your fiancé may or may not want to do this. But also, since you're struggling yourself, you may or may not feel up to doing much of this yourself. So depending on how much your fiancé wants / needs to talk, & how capable you feel of talking, it may be important for your fiancé to seek out a grief counselor or therapist of his own (assuming he does not already have one.)

I wish you both well...

Thank you, Skeezyks. It's hard not feeling selfish because i don't have a lot to give right now. Other than listening when he does open up. I am feeling so overwhelmed. When I'm in depression I typically wear my "depression mask" when dealing with co-workers, my son and a few others. But I've always been able to count on my fiancee to accept me and see me as the quivering ball of dark, hopeless sadness balled up under the covers. However, under the circumstances I'm doing my best to hide my current condition. Note, he's out of state right now, helping out his dad with some loose ends since his mom passed. That makes it easier to hide the extent of things here. But, I feel dishonest and I also feel selfish for even considering adding to his worries. I don't think I can keep up the facade once he gets back home

Probably, he knows how you are feeling.

Sometimes I know when I have nothing to give. I go into survival mode and admit to myself that I can't take care of anyone else. I just can't.

Most likely you, and he, are feeling this also.

Probably the best you can both do is give yourselves a break and not carry how you are feeling now, into the future. I am not saying that you shouldn't care, but please don't think that you are somehow failing during those times when you can't give of yourself.
It's temporary. And it will be okay. And you're doing perfectly by listening.

Thank you for responding. It's a daily struggle but it helps to know that others out there understand. I hold back when I talk to my fiancé so having a place to speak freely is a big help.

Who