[dexter]

Hello everyone, just wanted to check in because I haven't been active here for a few weeks. I finished the outpatient program I was in and it helped a lot. I am no longer constantly suicidal. I am trying to go back to work. I was working one day a week and doing well and trying to increase that but last week a lot of the anxiety returned. I'm practicing my coping skills and they have helped. Working on it. This past week feeling pretty poorly but still much much better than I was doing a few months ago, trying to remember that and focus on that and get my footing again and continue to move forward.

[Ellie_jo]

I'm glad to hear it dexter. It's hard to keep up progress, I've found. But it sounds like you are focusing on moving forward and that is awesome. Props, bro.

[Fuzzybear]

[hopeless2015]

Hugs

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[Rohag]

Hello, Dexter! I'm glad the program helped. Only if you would like to share, what one or two things about the program were the most helpful?

Wishing you satisfying progress - however you define "progress" in your particular situation!

[dexter]

The program I was in was DBT based. Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. That was a new type of therapy for me. It turns out to be very very effective for me. It takes a lot of practice but the skills make sense to me and with practice they have been working. I started with the simpler skills of Mindfulness and Wise Mind and as those have been working I've been expanding with the things like REBT.

The skills haven't stopped working but I think partly work has gotten a little more anxiety producing for me and I've gotten lax at practicing the skills. I'm taking it easy this weekend and I think I need to get out my notebook and review again.

The great part for me was that the Mindfulness was able to quell my anxiety after I practiced it a while and with that I was able to introduce other skills that were able to prevent the anxiety from occurring in the first place, which is a better long term solution than always have to be fighting the anxiety. So my "backslide" is that the anxiety is back but I'm still able to control it with the Mindfulness.

Before this program I was in constant emotional pain and constantly thinking about suicide all day and all night. So I have to remind myself that although I'm feeling a bit poorly again I am still on a much much higher plateau of wellness than I was before.

[dexter]

I critisized some posters here on Psych Central a short time ago for starting a thread disparaging Mindfullness and dismissing it as BS. I know it won't work for everyone. But it worked wonders for me. If I had seen that thread of people dissing it before I went into the program I might not have chosen that program or I might not have given it a fair chance, and my life might be much much different right now.

Everyone has different experiences with treatment so a reminder that people should share their own experiences here, positive or negative, but should not disparage any treatment or medicine that might be effective for others.

[dexter]

And thank you everyone for your support. It has been crucial in my past and ongoing path to wellness.

[waterknob1234]

Good luck dexter. I am glad you are making progress. Progress sometimes is made in baby steps, not all at once. If you have found a treatment plan that helps stick with it. I am in your corner.

[feeshee]

Dexter, thank you for sharing and good luck on your continuing recovery.

[dexter]

Still struggling. I had noticed two weeks ago that with my depression lifting, some of my physical ailments were clearing up... feelings of heart attack, blurred vision/trouble driving. This week those symptoms are back. I'm sure they are related to my depression and their return is because I'm falling back. So I'm trying harder to apply my coping skills and hold steady and hopefully start climbing upward again. There needs to be some ope of reaching the top. I don't have to stay there forever, I can fight it again if I slide down again, but I need to spend a little time up there not fighting this constantly. If there's no plateau I find it hard to just keep fighting this for fighting sake.

[hopeless2015]

Hugs Dexter, don't forget to give yourself credit for all the progress you have made!! This is something my therapist always has to remind me of and it always makes me feel better.

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[dexter]

I keep a journal to remind me of the progress I've made. Right now I'm struggling with effort vs. reward... This was a problem that I had going in to this but I was able to put aside the lack of reward because I knew it was being clouded by depression. A lot of my relapse has to do with being clearheaded but realizing I still don't have the things I want in life and my declining overall health makes it increasingly possible to achieve that and again it is a reward vs. effort problem.

Hugs and strength to you, Dex.

[waterknob1234]

Hang in there dexter. I understand the concept of not being where you want to be in life. I think you have to look at where you are today is not where you will be 6 months from now and keep pushing on. Sometimes progress comes in little steps. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back, then two steps forward again.

I send you hugs and wish you peace of mind.

[guiltier65]

so glad to hear this. Keep taking care of yourself!

[dexter]

At this point in my life based on my health situation and my personal experience there is no way I can believe anything better than getting past the pain of this depression and then merely surviving again but never being happy other than superficially. It's not a matter of thinking I can't make it... I know I can get through this, but I am constantly questioning if it is worth the effort to get back to my normal life when my normal life is not satisfactory and many years of attempting to improve it has not only failed but led me back to the pain of depression and fighting this again.

[feeshee]

Good luck to you on your continuing progress. Just take it one day at a time.

[dexter]

One day at a time. Yesterday and today just trying to eat, get some food in me.