[wickedwings]

no joy. just nothing. don't know why i'm posting. i feel dead and without an once of joy. maybe i should jump at electroconvulsive, even though it may mean memory loss..... if that happens, just want you to know that i never mean to forget you if i do forget. good thing that psych central has a setting where it would remember me rather than my having to remember my password. can't cry, even though i want to. for those who have responded to my previous posts, i thank you. feels like i'm saying good-bye, doesn't it? does to me. but i'm not saying good-bye. i just need relief. i'm so dying from this heavy depression. i'm losing my pdoc and my insurance wont cover for a better route that's safer than ect treatments (electroconvulsive therapy). i want to be free from depression so bad. my sould is crying out so bad, and even god isn't answering... a nuclear holocaust is better than this..... no hope is no life. believe me, i've seen the effects of a nuclear holocaust - i.e. hiroshima, nagasaki, nuclear testings from the declassified files, and chernobyl. my soul is so full of it. it's worse than those events. it's like my depression is putting holes into my head. god, free me, please. please, please, please, please. i'm begging for mercy.... soon, i could walk in the land of the dead, not by my doing, but by the depression. i mean, i wouldn't go there, but i'm getting there by soul. i'm probably not making any sense. i'm just stating how i feel. this torture needs to stop. i've spent so long in this torture and i don't know if i can ever get out.

[meander]

((((((wings)))))))))))

I know it's a horrible cliche, but don't you dare give up. Or I'll throw things at you... well no I won't. But still...

You're in a horrible place right now, and it sounds completely totally awful. I know you've posted before about the ECT being your last hope, and I'm sorry about that, do think you should go for it though if you think it's best. More importantly, keep writing and expressing how you feel, cause I swear it does help.

Feel free to PM if you need it, I've got hope for the masses today, so you can have some of mine if you like...

Love, Meander.

[stefano]

I have too much respect for your pain to contrappose any different view.
How long have you been in this state?

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( wings )))))))))))))))

[wickedwings]

it's been way too long....

[pachyderm]

(((((wings)))))

[chiz]

(((( h u g s ))))

Please hold on and be strong. . . This really happens to us, and we just have to stay strong for ourself. We need to help ourself and fight depression.

It is good to rant here and it will help ease up your feelings. Don't let depression get over you.

Please take care of yourself.

_________________
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[Sabrina]

I am sorry it is so very hard for you right now wickedwings. I really am sorry!

[recluse1]

(((((((((((wickedwings))))))))))) i understand every word of what you are saying. depression does have a way of making us feel like we walk the earth without a soul. so sorry things are so hard for you right now. but just know that PC is and always will be here for you. you are not alone. wishing you the best of luck and hope for happiness.

recluse1

(((((wickedwings)))))

I am listening and I feel your pain. I understand how you feel. I am there where you are at times and you wonder how to get out. My heart goes out to you. I care and I am walking along side of you. Hold on and maybe together we can find a hope somewhere.

Somehow, maybe something will make sense and a door or window will crack open just enough to let in some air. Sometimes, it feels as though I begin to find that glimmer of hope before it just as fast disappears out of sight. And you wonder where did it go and how could it go away so quickly.

One moment you can be laughing and feeling and the next looking for that one escape, that one way to stop the pain for even a moment. I hear you wicked and I so understand. My tears will not come as they sit just beneath the surface. And sometimes I wonder, if somehow I could release what I hold so deep inside if that could have any affect.

That feeling that you are dying from the depression is so real and I understand. I sometimes wonder if someone could just see inside and see that what I want and what is taking place is two different things. Would anyone be able to see?

Hold on wickedwings. You are not alone and I send you what strength I have. Your words said alot and I am sorry for your pain. I would take it for you if I could because I already feel it and I would carry it for you. Keep posting and know you are being heard.

purplesecrets

[wickedwings]

((((((everyone)))))) thank you so much. your words mean so much to me......

[recluse1]

((((((((wickedwings))))))))) and you mean so much to us....

recluse1