Feeling so left out

My husband informs me today that his daughter will be spending a few days with us. (She comes to us every Sunday through to Monday). Now I don’t have a problem with this at all, but …

There are many reasons involved as to why he would like her to spend more time with us, but somebody kind of forgot to ask if it was ok with me. If I have to look after my stepdaughter (5 years old) for a week it means I need to pretty much stop work and forget about going to gym (I walk there, too far for her to come). There are some other things I had planned which I now need to drop.

After some thought, I asked my husband to please look at it from my point etc. He got angry. I managed to mollify him but I am still angry that all these plans were made without me being part of it. He backed down enough to say “I didn’t think about that” but probably won’t change the plans made outside of me.

I love my step daughter, and yes, if she lives with us one day, I’ll adjust my life at that point. But she does not live with us now and if she is coming to stay with us, I think it is only fair that I know about before the time.

I am feeling angry that it seems I am not being considered, yet I am expected ……

((( hugs )))) ~ ~ ~ ((( hugs )))

I too would be upset and some what angry if my husband had made family arrangements without talking to ME about it first..... it might be a little different if he was taking the time off from work and was going to be watching her him self..... but he is not.

Try to VENT it all out here with US so that you and yours will not have any added stress to an already stressful situation.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Thank you Rhap. My biggest fear is that he thought I didn't want her with us ... and that was almost realised. His initial anger was for that very reason, but I continued talking quietly and calmly (I normally go overboard).

He just came back to me to say that he should have remembered I am more than his wife but that I am his friend too, and that he should have considered me in this whole thing.

My instictive reaction was to say "hheeelllooo???"

But I didn't - I thanked him for seeing it from my side, even though he thought I didn't want his daughter here, and that I appreciate him re-thinking the whole thing.

Knowing my husband as I do, she will STILL come as was originally planned without me as husband will feel apology fixes everything. Even the logistics.

I would be hurt and angry too. And confused Keep venting here, I'm sorry you are going through this, all I can really add at the moment is..... ggrrrrrrrrrrr (((((((( Sabrina )))))))))

SORRY to hear that he thinks all is well just because he apologized...... and I have to say that he was probably emotionally stirred and that is why he got angry as his first reaction to the situation - - - for remember that ANGER is NEVER the real feeling inside..... just an easy one to grab and to hold onto without thought.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hi Sabrina,

Not being consulted for something which impacts you is good reason to be angry.

I'm sorry. Men just seem to be gifted at announcing things instead of consulting us. It tends to make you feel discounted instead of valued and treasured, as we should be.

Remember you are an amazing lady.

I'm so sick of my hubby for a whole variety of behaviors, I would like to put mine out at the curb tomorrow (trash day) -- lol.

Hugs,

EJ

Emotionally stirred ... Yes!!! That would be it - where his daughter is concerned I cease to exist.

But I sort of understand.

His anger does not last long .. but then again ... he really knows how to hold a grudge and does not forget anything. Ever.

Thank you for understanding EJ - despite having made good with him I still feel lousy.

I keep having to remind myself not to blame me - wasn't me ... etc.

Sorry you are battling with your hubby, and just for the record - it is trash day for me too tomorrow.

Hugs

Fuzzy - thanks hon! What would I do without support and understanding?

I will take the ggrrrrrrrrrrr and make it a ggrrrrrrrrrrrggrrrrrrrrrrr, if you don't mind that is.

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Sabrina0805 said:
Sorry you are battling with your hubby, and just for the record - it is trash day for me too tomorrow.

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Dang not for ME................. I have to keep mine one more day - lol.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

honey I am sorry, I am on the unappreciated wagon with you! I am sorry he didint talk to you firs.

here are some hugs... hope you feel better soon.....

(((((((((((((((((((sabrina))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((sabrina))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((sabrina))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((sabrina))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much Mel.

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I'm so sick of my hubby for a whole variety of behaviors, I would like to put mine out at the curb tomorrow (trash day) -- lol.

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trash day for me isnt until Thursday!!!! I have to keep mine until then!!!!!! if he makes it that long.....
his words to me today:

I don't have time for a Melissa break right now!!!!!!

I have been upset and hurting all day and then he has to say this... anyother time i would have come back with a snappy little come back like oh well you are going to have to take one, but not today ... i wanted to cry.
I know he is at work btu he had free time at that moment!! grrrrrrrrrrr sorry i will get off my soap box now

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his words to me today:
I don't have time for a Melissa break right now!!!!!!

I have been upset and hurting all day and then he has to say this... anyother time i would have come back with a snappy little come back like oh well you are going to have to take one, but not today ... i wanted to cry.

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I am so sorry ... that is cutting! How can our SO's be so mean without even realizing it?

I am sorry Mel ... you did not deserve a comment such as that!

thanks sabrina.... i will remember that the next time he wants me to help him out.. i will just gently remind him that i dont have time for a Stephen break and that I will have to get back with him.... he he he

(i say that knowing that i wouldnt really do it ha ha ha laughing at myself)

I think it has to do with them being men! most of the time they do not think at all!! mine included!
I am sorry you are going thru this!

((((((((((Sabrina)))))))))))

That's ridiculous, not talking to you first about having your step daughter over. It's disrespectful. I suggest, if he does it again, tell him to cancel it, and if he won't, don't be there when the visitor comes. Just get out of the house, at least for most of the day. I'm not saying you should be kept from your own home, but let him deal with visitors he invites without your input.

This is off-topic, but I'm going to say it: There's too much male-bashing on these forums. Many times, when someone has problems with her husband or boyfriend, it breaks down into negative blanket comments about men. Not all men are the same, and not all women are perfect. Some women have the same faults you characterize men with. I'm not saying it hasn't happened, but I haven't seen any men posting female-bashing threads. I've seen several threads where male-bashing and stereotyping goes on. You may really believe what you say, but if you look beyond males, you'll see that it's not just men that have the faults you describe, and again, not all men. And if you bashed blacks, Jews, teachers, the mentally ill, or any other group, it probably wouldn't be tolerated.

(((((Sabrina)))))

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Maven said:
That's ridiculous, not talking to you first about having your step daughter over. It's disrespectful. I suggest, if he does it again, tell him to cancel it, and if he won't, don't be there when the visitor comes. Just get out of the house, at least for most of the day. I'm not saying you should be kept from your own home, but let him deal with visitors he invites without your input.


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Yes it was disrepectful. After talking with him, I think he has seen that.
She is my stepdaughter, not a visitor, and as she sleeps over I think I would prefer to stay home.

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Maven said:
This is off-topic, but I'm going to say it: There's too much male-bashing on these forums. Many times, when someone has problems with her husband or boyfriend, it breaks down into negative blanket comments about men. Not all men are the same, and not all women are perfect. Some women have the same faults you characterize men with. I'm not saying it hasn't happened, but I haven't seen any men posting female-bashing threads. I've seen several threads where male-bashing and stereotyping goes on. You may really believe what you say, but if you look beyond males, you'll see that it's not just men that have the faults you describe, and again, not all men. And if you bashed blacks, Jews, teachers, the mentally ill, or any other group, it probably wouldn't be tolerated.

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I am not bashing men. I am not bashing anyone. I am looking for support on an issue I had with my husband, which I would like to believe I found.

Thank you.

Maven, i can't help but notice that someone will start a thread and before we know it, you're off topic and suggesting that whatever the thread about is either wrong or men are being abused, etc. etc.

my suggestion is this: the next time you find that someone has started their very own personal thread about their very own personal problem and you find that you want to add something that you know in your heart is "off topic"...... i would like to see you stop, breathe and don't hit the submit button. i think it would be a good idea start a new thread about whatever it is that is bothering you and i'm sure you'll find that a lot of people will discuss whatever issue you have with the thread that the original poster started for him/herself.

i don'tbelieve that it is supportive to :

1. interupt someone else's thread to let them know that you disagree with whatever and totally get off topic.

2. invalidate their feelings about what is troubling them. after all, most of the time a thread wouldn't be started unless someone wanted to discuss a personal issue..

3. agree that there was indeed a problem that was troubling the poster and in the next breath start a paragraph about male bashing.

i expect you to take each paragraph of what i've written and dissect it. be my guest. it's how i feel about this issue and i'm sticking to it. pat

Sabrina, i understand your feelings. i married a man with two boys and i had two girls and we had two ex-spouses........it ain't easy. love, pat

(((((((((((((( Sabrina )))))))))))))))