Fear----will it let go?????????????????????????????

There seems to be a growing pain within. A knawing pain of a reality lying within me. A fear that maybe I am nothing, worthless, and bad. Then reality of those within grabs me--taking away my ability to stop the echo that fills my mind. I look into those eyes holding a truth so deep it swallows you. Their existance ever present makes it difficult to breath.

Do I exist somewhere amidst those surrounding me? Are the thoughts filling my mind my own or do they belong to some others within? Thoughts so close they run together--over and over--within. Sometimes loud/definate but sometimes a deafening silence that knows so much truth you cannot breath. You can not tell where your breath starts and if those inside even have a clue you yourself are there. Do they even know that it is my breath that is sustaining us all?

But right now, it is me feeling this suffocating feeling within as I cannot turn from these feelings as it is me that holds this pain. It hurts and sometimes I cannot feel the breath come or go. Sometimes just staring off in silence, not connecting to anything or anyone, just the pain. Knowing there is no other to step in front of the pain, as you try so hard to find another way. How long will it last? How long can you not feel your breath come or go? And I wonder how much ones heart can take before it cannot come back to this reality?

I feel so afraid. There is a silent scream within that no one can hear but it is so loud that one shutters. The scream that parallizes the heart, and stops the breath inside. Gasping for air wondering where the next gasp may come from. Will this be the moment fear takes you and will not let you go? This is where I am.

purplesecrets

I hear your scream and I'm here with you.

((((((( purplesecrets ))))))))

My friend,

We can hear you, with every key stroke.. The silent screams that are shot into the universe are heard.. I could not bear the thought of them not, I know this becuase you hear "ours".

t/c........

(((((((purple)))))))

I hope the fear goes... I understand about the silent scream, I have one inside me right now...

(((((((purplesecrets))))))))))))

I hope the silent scream goes away and you can be comforted and more safe.

Take gentle care,
Dee

i love you, dear one......xoxox pat

((((((((pegasus))))))) (((((((tucker)))))) (((((((meander)))))) ((((((mybestkids2)))))) ((((((faverody))))))

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you all thank you for the support and thoughts. I love you all so much and I know that without each of you pulling for me, I would be so much more lost. I am struggling to even get these words out but I do so appreciate each one of you. I love you all so much, please know that. Knowing you are there gives me a little strength to keep going and reaching.

purplesecrets

((((((((((((My Dearest Purple))))))))))))
know that you are not alone. you have many people here that love and care about you and are lifting you up and out of the darkness and into the light. though you may feel lost, you have not been abandoned to suffer alone. you are embraced with the love of many friends and we hold you closely to our hearts. trust that God hears your cries for help and that you are continually on His heart. i hope that you find comfort in this scripture......

Isaiah 43:2-3
When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through the rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God......

i love you my friend,
recluse1

(((((((((((((((((( purplesecrets ))))))))))))))))))

love you,
Fuzzy

((((((((recluse)))))))) ((((((((fuzzybear))))))))

Thank you so much. I love you both. Your kindness and support are most appreciated. I am so thankful for you both and the support from all my wonderful friends here at pc. I feel so lost within but I am still reaching. It is all I can do to type here, but I wanted you to know how much you mean to me. Thank you again.

purplesecrets

I was writing something down, but it sounded stupid. I'l just say : HOLD ON!

stefano - write it - it helps to get it out. we're not here to judge

love, jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I am here for you too.... I also know this fear and silent screaming... I can hear you.. so you will never, ever be alone...((((((hugs))))) and more ((((hugs)))) and yet more ((((hugs))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((purplesecrets)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

There is much love and respect for you here. Many of us hear your words, some can connect directly with what you are feeling, while others can only reach out with their hearts to try to let you know that they are keeping you company and you are not really alone.

For all you are going through right now, I am reaching to you with all my might. I am sending you all the love in my heart and soul to let you know that you matter, that all of you are worth so very much to so many.

All that you are hearing and feeling is all a part of you. Everyone holds a piece of who you are in them. Take from each of them what your heart tells you is true. And while you are doing that, remember to take what is offered to you from your friends to engulf you in their love....and will help raise you to heights you only dreamed.

You, my friend, have the ability to rise and heal. You have made so much progress already and I know you will make more.

With much love and respect and acceptance -

xoxoxo
sabby

((((((stephano))))))) (((((((((jinnyann))))))))

Thank you both. I am trying to hold on. Jinny is right stephano, what ever you have to say is important and meaningful. Just the mere fact that you made the effort to write, means more than you will know. Thank you. Love you both.

purplesecrets

(((((((freewill)))))

Thank you for your support and the many hugs. I could really use them right now. I know you understand and that you know of this fear and the silent screaming. I keep wondering if this will be the time when the fear takes over and I cannot find my way back. But I hold each word you all write very close to my heart for right now it is all I can hear and I need to hear it. Thank you dear for your love and support. I love you.

purplesecrets

((((((((sabby)))))))

Thank you. I know you and others are right there pulling for me and sending me love and support. It is in that love and support that I am finding a small piece of hope to hold onto. It is in your words and your hugs that I cling everyday to hold on to life. My heart is so heavy right now, that carrying others words is all I can do. Fear is engulfing around me but I am holding on to those around me with their words and hugs. I cannot promise but I am trying so hard. I know you accept me where I am and for who I am, and that makes me reach just another inch when I feel like I cannot reach anymore. I love you much.

purplesecrets

love you hon,
Fuzzy

(((((((((((((((((fuzzybear)))))))))))))))))))))))

I love you too hun and I am standing right next to you. Thank you fuzzy.

purplesecrets

I am not going to tell you I know what you are going through, but i will just say that i have had severe depression over the past month and everyone is really worried about me. I just wonder how to get undepressed. My best friend tells me that i am depressed and i need help on how to stop the depression. i just hope everything works out for both of us.

((((frawg))))

thank you. I hope you feel better soon. Know you are not alone. Keep reaching out.

purplesecrets

((((((((((purple))))))))))))) what sabby said in her post is so true. you are worth so much to so many here. you had the courage to reach out and now its time to grab a hold. take the love and friendship that is offered to you from those of us that care so much. draw from its strength and let us help lift you up. love you so much hun.

recluse1