[Loveloss86]

Well were do I start. I'm a 30 year old male that fell in love with a 31 year old female. Let me start from the beginning...
I moved next door to the love of my life & she lives with her dad. Now I didn't find her attractive at all at first. She chased me for years I even stopped talking to her for a year when she asked me out.
Ok I'll try to shorten the story. We got to hanging out, drinking on a regular occasion. I settled for her and decided to be a couple. Things got serious in moved into her dad's house.
I started noticing unusual behaviors between him and her. Her pants and underwear were always dropping off her privates around him. I offered to buy a belt she refused. He gets naked changed not in the bathroom and she's ok with it. I caught her lift her shirt up but she was stretching. He slept in the bed with her until age 13 she told me and he sleeps nude. they swing outside all afternoon and night fantasizing together. The list goes on.
I asked about sexual abuse but she denies it. That became a constant argument was the accusations.
Long story short I got into one argument with him and got kicked out. I'm leaving out a lot of detail for length here. Oh I forgot to mention we got or were engaged.
I got sent to the phyc ward for saying I would kill him if our relationship ended because of him. She gave the ring back when I was in there.
Now 2 weeks later she wants to be secret bf gf. We were sexually but not sex active every day. I've been going threw a lonely withdrawal from not being with her. We slept in the same bed about 7 months.
It's been so hard and I tell her every day she makes me hate life.
Well that's my story summed up with a lot taken out. How do I deal with this loneliness and heartbreak? I truly did fall in love with her. I don't know what to do now in the situation.
We talk everyday and tell each other we lover each other. A healthy relationship is impossible with her father. She chose him over me. She won't leave him for me. Many people and neighbors say he controls her. Oh has an order of protection for me.
I honestly love her more than anything and want things to work. Any input or advice would be very great fully appreciated.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Loveloss86: I'm sorry... but this just strikes me as a relationship that is doomed to failure for so many different reasons. My personal perspective is the sooner you put this behind you the better. The passage of time will help with the loneliness & heartbreak... that plus getting out there, meeting new people & doing new things. You may also want to consider seeing a therapist if you're not already doing so. However, trying to continue to pursue this relationship is, in my opinion, a recipe for ongoing frustration to say nothing of legal trouble if this young woman's father has obtained an order of protection against you.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[QueenCopper]

Hi loveloss86. I personally believe that it would be best to stay away. Any relationship that has to be a secret is not worth it. If her Dad has a restraining order against you things will not get better. It will take time but you can heal from this brokenheart. (((Hugs)))

I agree with the two previous posters. This situation doesn't seem healthy at all and I personally think it would be best for you to move on.

[gayleggg]

I agree with all the others. This relationship is not worth the heartache it will bring you. She's already made her choice. When someone shows you who they are believe them.

[Fuzzybear]

[Loveloss86]

Thank you everybody for all of the replies. It really helps me to talk about what I'm going threw because my friends & family are sick and tired of hearing it every day. I had to move out of my ex fiance's house and into my mothers house which is in the middle of nowhere. You have to drive over 30 minutes to civilization. There is no neighbors around I could make friends with. The isolation is very depressing.
I can't get a job because there is absolutely nothing around. I don't have a car because I sold them to buy the rings. My mom lets me borrow hers when she gets home from work though. To fight this depression I drive into town when she gets off work and go to the gym.
I was talking to one of my best friends the other night & he was telling me how I was completely in the wrong for accusing my ex of doing things with her father because I never caught it first hand. Such as actual sex or touching.
I'm starting to realize maybe I was just paranoid and took what I saw and twisted it. It hurts so much more realizing I'm all to blame. I truly love her & want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know everybody is saying to move on. I'm not sure why if we're both willing to work on things.
She agreed to being just my girl friend secretly & will let people know when the times right. We got into a big argument about this and once again I realize I'm wrong because it would stir up drama if her dad knew. She also promises to meet me every month. We live an hour and a half away from each other now. I talked to her about church and she also agreed to that every Sunday but I'm kinda scared because it's across from her house and I'm not sure if that's far enough away for the order of protection with her dad.
We are talking every day telling each other how much we love each other. I ask her if she's just doing all this because she pittys me or thinks I'll commit you know. She says no and gets mad that I think that.
I know you guy are telling me to move on but my heart hurts like you have no idea. i wake up every morning with a double heart shock. I have a nightmare about her leaving me begging her to not let me go I think because the day this happened I was holding her tight, crying and shaking begging her to not let go I love her and please don't leave me. Once I wake up and realize she's not here next to me in the bed my heart drops again. I was use to being in bed with her every night over 7 months I think it was and now so quickly all this changed.
I can't imagine ever moving on and not having her in my life. I proposed to her because I knew that was the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I am seeing a Therapist but only once a month. I wish I could be in some sort of program all the time but there isn't any. Everything is so booked up. I'm thinking of just paying a psychiatrist because I desperately need one. I do see a phyc doctor for meds. I take the max dose of Carbamazapine I cant spell it. I've tried depression meds on top of it but always have bad side affects so I've just been sticking to this.
Thank you again for all your support. It's hard living in isolation with no cell service until I go into town at night.
I realize most of you don't think the relationship is healthy and I should stay away. Why do you guys think that? I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her. Just from this couple week separation is making me depressed beyond what I can explain. I want to work things out and end up together again and live a happy life together forever.

[Loveloss86]

!!!UPDATE!!!

Well last night was a crisis. Here was my day....
I went to church with my ex in the morning. The church is right across the street from the church so she just walked over. It went really good then we went to the park to make out. I asked her if we could do intimate stuff and she got mad and accused me of that's all I want from her. She said she wasn't feeling good so I took her out got some food and we went back to the park. We did some intimate stuff I took her back to the church we held each other telling we love each other making out and she went home.
I went over to my sisters and I took her out to eat and we went out drinking. I was suppose to be getting our there meeting new people but I always had my ex on my mind.
After drinking a bit I called my ex asking to see her before I went home so we could end the day on a good note. Her dad was home and yelling at her. She refused I got really depressed told her I'd kill myself if she wouldn't. She still wouldn't and stopped talking to me.
I called a friend and told him I was going to do something stupid. He rushed on his way to me. I parked at the church trying to call ex she wouldn't awnser. I started cutting my friend pulled up so I stopped doing that. I went to his house talked then went home. I tried calling over 20 times and nothing. She deleted me off Facebook so it's official now hah... anyways I tried calling her on mom's phone she said hello I said please don't hang up she hung up. Mom called her dad telling him it's not just me she has been saying she loves me and seeing me secretly. I could hear him yelling at her in the background.
Anyways that was my night. My case worker for mental health came by today. I'm just really depressed but not going to hurt myself. She's looking into once a week could counseling right now I do once a month therapy.
Well you all were right. I should of stayed away. Is hard because I went from being with her every day and night to this. It's really hard but I have no choice but to move on now.